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Original poster

What do you think is the best age gap between children?

48 replies

maddysonsmomm · 27/10/2005 22:56

How many years do you think is the best to have between children? i did was 4 years so maddyson could understand the situation more and be more grown, up then again i dont want to go back to work, and have to give it all up again, but i dont want to not work for years,theres no good way! so im stuck between 2 years(which i think is too soon for me, but seems the best choice) upto 6 years! How did you decide?

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 27/10/2005 22:57

Under 2 years.

I've got a 21 month age gap and they are as close as can be.

monstersmummy · 27/10/2005 22:59

we just felt ready but i think age gaps are very personal anyway.

what works for one may not work for a nother....mine are 23 months apart. was SO hard at first but great now

hunkerpumpkin · 27/10/2005 22:59

Will have a 21 month gap, so very pleased to hear that, HMC

I think it depends on your family, the personalities of the children - and whatever age gap you have, you'll find pros and cons.

I'm looking forward to getting the nappies and sleepless nights out of the way relatively quickly - but am sure that I'll look back on it with rose-tinted glasses when both of these are at school and who knows, I may even talk myself (and DH ) into having another one with a bigger age gap next time. Whatever you have is just how your family is though - you won't be able to imagine it any differently.

kama · 27/10/2005 22:59

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kama · 27/10/2005 23:00

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GeorgieVickyLou · 27/10/2005 23:00

I often wonder this as well, get all over and done with quickly? leave a gap so one is at nursery / school..

Original poster
maddysonsmomm · 27/10/2005 23:00

how has that taken a toll on your body? i feel so old and i have only had one, i know i am going to be fostering and possibly adopting maybe i should just stick to one biological child!? i have had so many mdeical problems since having maddyson!

OP posts:
Katemum · 27/10/2005 23:00

I have a gap of 3 1/2 years between mine. I was just not ready to try for another baby any sooner than I did. The gap was all about what felt right for me and dh rather than the age difference between the two children.

JanH · 27/10/2005 23:00

I'm not convinced there is a "best" gap - it depends on the individual children!

My gaps were 3 yrs, 3 yrs and 5 yrs because it suited me - only one baby at a time - and they all get along very well (now aged 23, 20, 17 & 12). I wouldn't try to plan it to suit the children - do what fits in best for you.

princesspeahead · 27/10/2005 23:06

personally couldn't do a gap of less than 2 years. I think 2.5 - 3 years is great, gives you time to recover, time for little one to learn to speak and understand what is going on, not so long that they are unable to play properly together.
Although if you have the choice I'd go for 2 academic years apart rather than 3, school days seem to go on forever as it is!

puff · 27/10/2005 23:11

Exactly 2 years between my two. Now they are 4.4 and 2.4 I can see the benefit because they spend hours together playing with their Brio train set.

Mojomummy · 27/10/2005 23:24

I thought 2 years 9 mths was good ( 2.5 would have been xmas). Unfortunately mc no 2 & now will be at least a gap of 3 years....I sometimes wish we hadn't planned so precisely.

scaryclary · 27/10/2005 23:28

Mojomumy, sorry to hear that.
But yes, I guess this is something we cannot always plan as well as we might want to.
Personally I took what came with gratitude. Have 2 yrs between ds1 and dd, 22 mo between dd and ds2.
Now that ds2 is 2.5, he plays so well with his big brother so I am very glad it's not a bigger gap.

Moomin · 27/10/2005 23:34

I think you just cope with what you're given! We'd planned on a gap of at least 3yrs but starting trying when dd was 15 months as we were scared it would take us a while to conceive... and it ended up taking 2 years, so we now have a 2week old and a 4 year old. But as someone else said previously, a bigger gap is better if pregnancy took its toll. I've just had a nightmare pregnancy and am still very immobile after a 2nd c-section and I really don't know how I'd cope when dh goes back to work next week if I had a toddler on the go as well as a newborn.

Dd1 is so keen to help out and runs errands for me; she can get herself dressed and of course can feed herself. She's also just started pre-school so her weekday mornings are taken up with her own little life now which is helping with her confidence enormously and gives me a break with the baby.

A 4 year gap was not what we wanted to begin with but it's working out just about perfect right now.

JoolsToo · 27/10/2005 23:39

at least 9 months

skinnycow · 27/10/2005 23:43

LOL JT

Happylocketsthesmiler · 27/10/2005 23:46

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Tortington · 28/10/2005 00:41

13 minutes?

Cadmum · 28/10/2005 00:51

I may become the age gap expert... Our first two are 23 months apart and the next gap is 35 months and this baby will be 4 years younger than DS2... (2, 3, 4 year gaps...) My favourite gap was 23 months (I have had 3 miscarriages to get the last bigger gaps) but all 3 of our children are really close and get along amazingly well so perhaps I was completely wrong for thinking that 2 years is the best.

I do have several friends that have commented that 2 1/2 years is the trickiest gap because the older child is old enough to notice and be upset but not really old enough to be independent. HTH.

I fully agree that it is a personal choice and that sometimes despite your best plans the ideal gap is not possible...

handlemecarefully · 28/10/2005 11:05

Although I have advocated my personal bias of under 2 years, there is something to be said for around 2.9 months onwards if you want an easier life (i.e. older one will be at pre school for perhaps 3 sessions per week)

Sorry to hear about your miscarraige Mojomum - must confess I am planning precisely for number 3 (conceive in April 2006 and deliver Jan 2007, so that ds will have started pre-school and dd will be in second term of reception)....

dropinthe · 28/10/2005 11:08

Think mine is the closest age gap to exactly 2 years-one was born on the 20.01.02 at 2.02 am and the second was born on the 19.01.04 at 8.20 pm-approx 6 hours away from 2 years. I find this a lovely age gap-they get on really well most of the time and I think they will be very close in years to come.

bambi06 · 28/10/2005 11:12

i`ve got 18 mths and everyone remarks at how well they get on with each other

suzywong · 28/10/2005 11:20

2.4 yrs for us
was hard at first but is a dream now

CarolinaFullMoon · 28/10/2005 11:23

my dp is currently obsessed with getting no.2 underway so that there'll be a gap of no more than 2 years. Am not so sure myself - I only just feel back to normal physically and am rather enjoying it . Don't want to feel all vomitty again just yet.

My sister and I are 20 months apart and tbh have never really been that close. When you get past early primary school, the gap seems really small and I think we both found ourselves trying to make the difference between us more obvious because it was just too close iyswim. Not that that happens to everyone obviously, prob us just being a bit odd...

stripey · 28/10/2005 11:26

Mine are 23 months apart and it was definitely hard work for the first year but I am really reaping the rewards now. They have played together and entertained each other all week. They are now 3 and 5. It is so much easier when the youngest turns 3 IMO. Some of ds1's school friends have a 3 year gap and the second one seems really hard work compared to ds2 but of course a lot depends on personalities.