Do working mothers need to have hats taken off to them?

[binkie]

I went last night to the Fawcett Society's Inspiring Women event.

Biggest impression was of the vast range of women's differing concerns, of course; but one thing struck me (& the long-term MNer I went with): the panel included only one woman (Meera Syal) with children, and there was a point where with holy hush the other, childless, women said they took their hats off to mothers who work (you know what I mean, paid jobs, outside or from home, that mean you can't do all your own fulltime child-rearing) and that they Couldn't Have Done It Themselves.

Now that bothered me. My life is definitely a bit complicated, with a fulltime job, a 6yo and a nearly-5yo, but it isn't impossible, it has masses of ups and downs but, you know, it's not always even that tough. Obviously it is a matter of personal circumstances - but I was pretty surprised by the air of melodrama.

What do y'all think?

why is it all the interesting threads just have too much to read by the time I get to them!

HAts off to all mums! But why is the general thinking that its easier to be a SAHM than a working mum!

I am a working mum (60%) ds is almost 8 months and this is my 3rd week back at work. I have to say that its easier being at work than looking after my child 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! Ds has a fantastic time at the nursery and it much better entertained and stimulated than I could do 7 days a week and I get to run, swim (at lunchtime) or have a peaceful lunch with friends 3 times a week... and of course no distraction while I'm looking at MN! Ooops, I almost forgot I am here to work !

Lots of interesting points on here.

It's hard for me to be objective about fathers given my own experience, but I think for hands-on men who are genuinely doing their fair share of the domestic and childcare and working, obviously they are in the same boat. I'm afraid I do think that it is most frequently mothers in this position and that is why childrearing is not valued.

I think another thing to consider is the shifting demographic in the country, as people (men and women) have to care not only for children, but for aging parents as well (the other end of the spectrum). There are people doing full-time jobs and taking on caring roles for elderly relatives who face exactly the same challenges as working mothers and indeed, fathers (the hands on ones). So, the need for family friendly working doesn't only apply to people with children.

Would like to contribute more, but am at work

Rose32, very good point (again) about demographics. I guess this is why debates like this don't to me feel like going over & over same ground - because the underlying issues move.

Dh has absolutely same view about "working fathers" (though I did have to remind him he's reached his really quite good at sharing stage through some protracted negotiation by me that was tougher than anything I've had to do at work, hmm separate issue) - he thinks our US-import working hours culture is the culprit. (Isn't culprit a good word?)

He says he wants to come next time. Eek.

Incidentally there's a Fawcett focus thing on women in the law next month & I think I might get involved. Let me know if you have anything for that particular agenda.

I agree that family-friendly policies should equally apply to other carers - those with elderly or otherwise dependent relatives (and those caring for people who aren't genetically related to them, too). Morally and practically the right thing to do plus would have the side effect of removing some of the resentment that non-parents are beginning to express towards parents at work.

Binkie I am a "woman in the law" and in a fairly male orientated bit of it as well - CAT me if you want any views. Think there are quite a few others around.

Anchovy, I'll do that, thanks. My own bee in bonnet is how isolated it can feel (and, in practice, be) in our position despite what I know must be out there in the way of support resources (AWS, etc.).

My progressive MIL is also taking me to a Forum event next week, so I'll report on that one too.

I'm a woman in the law too, CAT me if you need any views from my also very male dominated side! In particular finding a job post children which I have really struggled with but have managed to finally get.