Charidee Donations Pressure

[Thunderbird]

I know I sound like a miserable cow, but I HATE it when people ask for money for THEIR favourite charity, even if they are going on a trek, bike ride, marathon, whatever. I am closely involved with several charities and have a child with a relevant medical condition and I have NEVER asked any of my relatives or friends to donate although they are welcome to ask me if they can (they don't). Then I get letters from same asking for support for their efforts on behalf of this that and the other (with no personal connection). I'd rather pledge an amount to charity and give it to my own charity and they can count it in the amount they raised. I don't mind £20 here and there but, because of closeness of individuals involved, its £100 or so each time. This time I've just ignored it and pretended I know nothing and I suppose sil must be too embarrassed to ask...... Am I a sod or not?

I was in Luton the other day, when some bloke collored us asking for money for disabled children........ me and mum choursed "we have 2" and walked off.........

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What about raffle tickets too? I used to pay up or take the trouble to send them back. This year I've binned them but I feel guilty. I agree that £100 is far too much but its not my doing, fairly close family with high expectations.

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i tend to give to charities that affect me or my family directly too. i donate clothes/toys etc to scope/BHF mainly, and also give to the homeless (but not big issue sellers some of them make more money than me!!).
my ex-hubby has a subscription to the whale and dolphin conversation socity, has been a member since he was about 10, but they are always calling up for more money, drives him nuts.

Mieow exactly the same thing happened to me las week. A woman was standing in front of a shop collecting money for cerebral palsy. I just replied sorry I have a son myself with special needs.
Usually I will put a couple of quid in a tin here and there but I am getting like you Thunderbird, the ones that do get support everyday I am ignoring but concentrating on the charities that are close to me and also charities that touch my heart.

I have been trying to gather support for little Terri Calversbert (see charity thread that Rhubarb started) but to be honest I am not getting anywhere, it is getting me down as she seems a sweet girl. I feel a failure in her respect.

doormat, I don't think you should feel a failure. Even if you give a donation yourself or only raise a small amount, it is better than nothing at all

Doormat - agree with suew. Commitment and a little money is worth plenty and, who knows, you may be able to do something in future for this little girl or someone like her. It kind of shocks me how little my relatives are interested in finding out about charities related to my chlid's condition and they continue to donate and raise money for charities with no personal bearing to them or any other family members. I suppose I'm sad and disappionted about it and I feel its bad manners to pressure people but I think they should naturally take an interest in an issue specifically affecting our family...

Oh the old notion of charity begins at home? Yes I agree, but if we all thought like that, who would bother about the children in Africa? Or the war children of Iraq? You could argue that they are nothing to do with you, they have no personal connections and you do enough for charities at home. Wherever you draw the line is fine, but please don't condemn charity collectors for trying. I used to work for an overseas charity and came across a lot of bigotry, it was very disheartening when you are trying to raise some money to help disabled kids in another country to simply survive, and some mother starts ranting about how you should be raising money for her local school instead.

I am trying to raise funds for Terri Calvesbert and I have no qualms at all about asking friends, relations and even people on Mumsnet for money, because they can always say no. And a lot of them do. But if we didn't try at least, we wouldn't get the 1% of people who say yes would we? I got a lot of stick recently in diverting a controversial thread onto a charity thread. I thought the original nasty thread have outlived it's usefulness, someone restarted it and I diverted it, before I knew it I was being criticised left right and centre! But out of all the stupid comments I got, I did get Doormat's support and now she is an active supporter, so it was worth all the aggro I got!

Yes it is a pain sometimes when you get bombarded with charity letters, tin cans rattled in your face and people hassling you on the street for money. For one you never know if they are genuine or not. But do spare a thought for that poor collector, I did it once and you wouldn't believe the abuse I got! I wasn't a tin shaker either, I just stood there with my tin waiting for people to approach me! It really is a thankless job, and to top it all off, it's voluntary!

I've collected for charities on the street and its hard work. i do get fed up being asked for bank details, but if I'm with ds1 he starts screaming as soon as we stop walking anyway. Otherwise I just say "I support other charities at the moment" and walk on.

I agree that charity begins at home. I do most for autism charities and BIBIC for example (anyone want to do a BIBIC lottery let me know). I've mentioned to people on here that they can recycle mobile phones for BIBIC which people are quite welcome to ignore. Supporting them though doesn't mean I can't support others. And I was happy to send some money to Rhubarb (not much and none of my time- certianly have no problems with Rhubarb telling us about it- otherwise I wouldn't have known about it- it didn't cost me much to do).

i do think sponsering a friend 100 pounds is crazy (unless you have money to burn). I generally sponser a fiver.

BTW- does anyone know of a good child sponseriing charity- we always talk about doing that - and I would like to.

Did you get my email JimJams? Thanks very much for what you sent - it does make a difference!

I don't usually have a problem with people asking once for money but I do have a huge problem with being nagged. ANd I know sometimes it may be the first time I've been asked for money by that person/charity but it may come at the end of a day when I've been hassled time after time.

I actively avoid walking the areas of Nottingham where I know Big Issue vendors are. If I do my old route, I will pass at least five vendors between the car park and the furthest shopping centre, a 10-15 minute walk and every one of them will ask if I want a copy and every time I'll say 'No thank you'. But I'd rather not be approached.

I do object to charities sending me mail because I am registered with the mail preference service specifically to avoid unwanted junk mail.

I can cope with those in the street, I just keep on walking and say 'No, thankyou'.

The worst for me is when they knock on my front door. I hate all 'doorstep beggars', be they salespeople, religious folk peddling God and eternal salvation, charity collectors or young offenders on rehabilitation exercises. The main problem is that I feel guilty if I say no, so I can never say no. I really resent being put under such pressure on my own property. They come so often around where I live that it is really starting to distress me now, it is also starting to cause rows between me and DH of the 'Why can't you just say NO ?' variety. I think I'll just have to put one of those signs in the window 'No canvassers etc...'

I object to being asked to sign a direct debit, I know that it's helpful for the carity to know roughly how much they'll get each month but come on signing a direct debit in the street to someone you've never heard of......... I don't think so.

I also object to people collecting outside supermarkets, how annoying is that. Perhaps I wouldn't mind so much if it was once in a while but there seems to be someone at either of the supermarkets we use everyweek. I feel guilty for just walking past but I support other charities and there is only so much money you can give.

As for the homeless, I once spoke to a man in London who was sitting with a sign I donated a small amount of money and stopped to chat, he told me that it wasn't so bad as he lived in a b&b paid for by the council, collected benefits and made roughly £40 a day for sitting around looking pathetic....... he makes more money than I do!

I'm more inclined to donate to people I know because I know that they will have done some research into the charity prior to asking for donations.

I did Rhubarb- sorry I am appalling at replying to emails- mainly because my inbox is such a mess. Also didn't want to hassle you- but thanks for letting me know you got it

wsm, DH and I have similar upsets over doorstep beggars 'Buy a dishcloth, luv?' except he's the one who can't say no. So the last one we had round gave me a really hard time, telling me he knew my husband would buy etc. Really **ed me off.

We also had someone ocme round purporting to be doing a cycle ride to raise money for the hospital. They had a sheet of A4 with a letterhead on, cut off hospital notepaper. And they wanted the money up front. Whilst DH was inside getting some money (leaving front door open) they started going through our skip and I happened to come round from the back garden. I don't mind other people taking my rubbish but I do object to getting slagged off when I say no they can't have the car seat, I've cut the straps on it cos I don't consider it safe.

It's awful, but I feel really bad about it. Especially the young offenders rehab people, I do have the social guilt of 'if i don't try to help then how can I expect anyone else to bother either?'. So as a result I end up trying to 'help' all of them ! I have even taken to hiding when I see someone that I don't recognise who isn't obviously a delivery person etc coming up my drive ! It's pathetic really. I feel that I should have more control of who is allowed on my property.

Oh dear, I'm hoping this isn't the same thing, but when my in-laws ask us (my husband and I) what we would like for Christmas, we always tell them a donation to our favourite charity would be nice. We don't know how much (or even if, I guess) they donate, but they usually say they do. I wouldn't expect them to donate much and it's not a political charity (it's a food depository), so nothing inherent in it to offend anyone.

Anyway, we just budget our charity money and I usually don't give any away on the street, but have to admit to liking the dishtowels (how sad am I?).

Where do you send the mobile phones, JimJams? We've got an extra unused (and unusable here in CH) one.

Even though we are not in a flat, the best thing I ever did was put in an entryphone. It doesn't open the door but it means I can screen people ringing the doorbell. I'm not a total meanie and might give someone some money but I prefer to know who it is before I open the door AND, having a baby and child with autism, I can't always run to the door whenever someone feels like ringing the bell. Everyone should also be careful about "Boo Hoo Billies", those people who come to your door with a sob story about needing money for their fare to visit their child/mother/whoever in hospital etc. THey are crooks and scary!
I just tell street collectors that I have a chlid with autism but I do give to lifeboats, Friends of local hospital, poppies etc. Another scam to beware of is those people with tins collecting "for the sick children", "for children's hospitals" etc. They are also a scam. I think there is a TINY amount they have to give to charity to be legal but most of it goes into someone's pocket. It sunds like I live in Blade Runner

A year or so ago there was an article in our local paper about kids of around 11 asking people in our local city centre for £1 so that they could get home as they had lost their bus money etc. It turned out that these kids were making upwards of £20 every saturday out of unsuspecting shoppers !

I have resolved to be more assertive. I am going to get one of those signs and will be telling them 'no' if one turns up on my doorstep in future. They will bankrupt me otherwise !

Well my DP and I are going to orgainise a party in a bar/club in town. I'm going to ask everyone who comes to donate at least £5 to the Down's Syndrome Educational Trust. I think that as my little girl has DS it's a charity that should mean something to most of the people there.
What's wrong with raising money for a charity close to your heart?
My best friends friend recently had both her legs amputated due to a blood disorder, she's only 23. My BF did a sponsered run to raise money for her and got about £3k for some decent legs for her, not th crappy old ones that NH would have provided her with. People were incredibly generous which was wonderful of them, what a lovley thing for my BF to have done.
Would that have annoyed you then Thunderbird, if you were a personal friend of mine and I'd asked you to give to either of those charities (btw - I'm not talking £100)? Not picking on you at all btw - but you bought it up so just chatting to you about it, no digs or anything occuring at my end ok,

Thomcat, that would not have annoyed me at all (your DS charity or your BF's fund raising) because there is a personal connection and its very touching what your BF did. I would also expect it to be mutual though if the same thing ever came up the ohter way, not that I would set out to get the money back for MY charity at all, just a bit of mutual respect for issues that affect each other personally. My problem is sadness that my family (husband's family actually) are lovely, generous people who believe in giving to charity but NEVER consider choosing one related to our child's condition yet they ask me for donations to their chosen charities. I don't really let it worry me much usually, its just that someone's on a trek right at the moment and I feel very uncomfortable about having to give a substantial amount without feeling able to say, and what about ...... I volunteer a lot of time myself to several relevant charities so think its great to do voluntary work, whatever its for, its just the donations of hard cash are another matter.

Right - I understand where you're coming from. Well why don't you get pro-active and start asking for money for the charities that are close to your heart? I can understand how it must be hurtful that your in-laws haven't thought of giving to the charity that effects your child?s condition themselves, but why not just bite the bullet and say that you've decided to do something and would they be interested in donating a bit, no harm in that is there.
My friend is doing a run for breast cancer awareness, (her mum has just been diagnosed) and I said well if your other friend runs with you is she raising money for anyone to which the answer was no so I said would she run for the Down's Syndrome Association and she said yes, great idea. Just ask them T.Bird - I'm sure you'll be so glad you did.
Also why do you feel you have to give such a substantial amount? I mean it's incredibly kind of you, but why not just give £10 or £20, every little counts and if you already give your time to several other charities you shouldn't feel you have to give £100 each time.