Totally Gutted!

[EvesBigFatMama]

we booked up for a weekend awy this Friday..we asked my mum to come so as well as having a hoiday too, she could help out with dd of an evening as myself and dp desperatly need to spent some quality time together and all this was explained to my mam.

s.i.l rang day i booked it and in excitment(no reason why not?), i told her about it.
she said thats the same week her dh was off and they were thinking of going to x(different place) for week.

anyway, they went to x on monday, only to come home as place was not as expected and they werent prepared to compromise.

she mentioned that they were thinking of going to 'Y'(the place we are going to), i quickly re iterated the fact we were going to have some time alone and that was why we asked my mum to join us, so she could help out with dd..she then said that they had only thought about it and would not be going.

so yesterday, getting stuff packed, dd(and all of us) getting excited about the break until last night when s.i.l rang while i was out and said they had actually booked up to come with us!, only a few steps away from our lodge and said that because her dd doesnt go to bed till after 8pm, we could take them both out late.

i am really gutted that she feels she is doing us a favour!, just because her dd stays up late, why does that mean i have to upset my dd's routine? and most importantly, why would you invite yourself on someone elses holiday, when they are said time and time again it was a break to spend time alone and as a family?

they came with us last year and it was a total shambles, we had to do everything they wanted, if we didnt, it was black looks and we held back doing things we wanted because they gave some excuse why they couldnt do it..we had to spend every waking minute with them and once when we ate out alone we got the third degree from her when we got back.
they constantly argued(well she shouted, he listend)and made an awful atmosphere and really made our holiday miserable apart from the few times we got alone, just the three of us.

she will also probably have the audacity to ask my mum to babysit her dd, so they can come out with us.

im not being a horrible person, we just wanted a break alone, me, dp, dd and dm so we could relax and have fun, now it will be a nitenare no matter what happens.

sorry, i know this is not a major thing compared to others probs, just gutted that were now gunna have a awful holiday

cant you cancel and book in another place

What an insensitive cow! Poor you.
Can you get a lodge further away without telling them?
I would actually phone her and say (in as thick skinned a manner as hers) that it's nice they're having a break, but that as you already told her - you're going for special family time together and you hope they'll understand that you'll be keeping to yourselves, no offence etc! Failing that, can you get your mum to say something similarly, very firmly, if she dares to ask her to babysit?

Eve,cheeky cow!
Stand firm,and tell her you are doing this for some time alone!

well she rang this morning and asked if i wanted to follow them down to flamingo land in the car(dp already at work!), said no as ive got packing etc to do.

she asked me if dp had told me they were coming?...i said yes(not nastilly not nicely..just yes)

she then said she would ring back with her dh's mobile number later so we could ring them when we turn up.
i said i had my phone with me so she could give me it then. once she's given me it..she said that her dh was in a mood with her this morning because..then she stopped and said, oh hes just punched me(play punching, nothing violent, hes not the sort) to tell me to shut up??
then said said (strangley being receptive of my lack of enthusiasm!), that she didnt know if was a good or bad thing that they were coming..million dollar question!

i said no, its fine, i cant say who can go and who cant, but its just me and dp where going so we could spend some time together.
she then said, oh i know, thats why we've got a separate lodge!
so they must have being going to invite themselves into our(paid for) lodge as its two bedroomed!
she then cut it short as told me she would ring me tonight and was extremely overly nice..as though once she'd put the phone down, she was gunna call me black and blue!
why cant she understand if we wanted company(not just them but anyone) we would have asked them, but we didnt..is that so bad..that we wanted to go on holiday as a family?
rang dp and we are now expecting a phone call to totally put the mockers on the holiday, saying we're ungrateful and we're being nasty etc etc.when if she'd just listend to what ive been saying, she wouldnt have caused all this upset.

we cant change lodge as we go friday and if we cancelled full stop we would lose over £300, which was hard enough to find in the first place!

my mum has said shell help and take blame, if we want to use her as an excuse not to do things with them, but why should we have to do that!

we were looking forward to a lovely weekend and now no matter what happens, its a mess.

if she gets a cob on, we'll feel crap and be the bad guys, then there will be an atmosphere if we spot each other while we're there.

if we accept they've invaded our break and play happy familes and dance to their tune all weekend, we wont enjjoy ourselves and it will have been a waste of time and money.

and this break was(as well as being some time together) a treat for me for passing my driving test..some treat!

Don't feel guilty! (Men wouldn't!) Remember that you have a choice as to whether you let them spoil your holiday or not.
(Sounds like she has some idea that you're not altogether delighted though.)

yeah, thats the thing..she#ll make it all out to be mee being a cow and being ungrateful(as she did at christmas and as her mother did when dd was born)..feel like im in groundhog day!

Who cares what she thinks or even says?

The only thing that matters is that your family has a nice time.

Ok - you absolutely cannot start your holiday presuming it is going to be awful. You are going to have to make the best of it, I know it's a pain and your sil is an ass but that's just family's for you.
The first thing I would do is to talk to your dh and ask him to set a few boundaries, organise a definite evening out with just the two of you and tell everyone that it is a romantic date, suggest your sil stays in with your mum to keep her company.
Offer to babysit her dd so that she and her dh can have a romantic night out too. That's two nights apart . I know it's crap and if I was you I'd be fuming too but what can you do without causing ww3? Good luck and try to have some fun

well me and dp are already planning to go out at least sat night.
my mum would not be happy sitting in with her(nor would sil), she's not her type of person and although she would do it, i would put upon her.
with regard to looking after her dd..sorry but no chance..ive spoke to my mam and aarnged to go for a break and for her to help us out through a problem patch, theres no chance of us staying in too look after her dd..if we had all arranged to go, then yes, no problem, but im not being a doormat to her.

dp even said he would like to do a couple of things on 'his' own(go to watch match in pub on sunday while me, dd and dm go to an activity..which was fine by me, but now it will be like oh, dh will come and then dp wont be able to relax and said he will feel like he cant relax and have apint while watching the game cos he might be like oh..drinking at 4pm!!1

It sounds to me like you need to be really blunt with her, at least if you have a cr*p time this weekend she wont be tempted to hijack another holiday. Sorry I don't have any better advice

oh i hate people like this, i really do.
but i actually enjoy NOT letting them get their own way.
who cares if she doesn't like you? please don;t let her ruin your holiday.
text her and tell her AGAIN that you don't want to do stuff with them, it's a private holiday and you'll be spending time with your dp

DON'T tell her when you get there.
Make your own plans and stick to them.

Don't let her ruin it for you... you can still have a fab time! and think how annoyed she will be when you get your own way!

Oh dear!! Would feel exactly the same but you HAVE to be honest and to the point with her!!
Tell her you are going for a family break and to also spend quality time with your mum. You do not have to spend anytime with your sil if you don't want to and at the risk of sounding rude you sound like you will be a doormat coz you are already worrying about her copping a strop!

Who gives a flying F@*k if she gets the hump!! This is YOUR break and it will only be ruined if you allow it to be.

They are not in the same lodge so you don't have to agree with their choice of daily activities or put up with her having a strop if you don't go along with them.

I am rambling now sorry, and sorry I sound harsh but you really must tell her that this is a break for mainly you and dh but also for your mum to spend time with Your child!!

also, see if you can plan your days so that you are ready to be up and out before the has a chance to come and pester you.

if you know exactly what you;'ll be doing (or thereabouts) then you have no reason to change and do what they want.

If she comes round asking if you want to go out that day then just say "sorry we've already made plans" and end the conversation!

I really would ring the place you are staying and play the, my SIL is a Class 1 bitch card and see if they can just shift you.

Make light of it, tell them that your future sanity depends on it.

Seriously for the sake of a phone call, you may get the result you want.

PLEASE ring PLEASE it is just a phone call and 10 minutes out of your life.

Agree with LGJ, ring to see about moving

M1

When you arrive there manipulate a conversation where you can say something along the lines of (obviously not in one breath)

"Hey you guys would you like to meet up for lunch/dinner or day, would be nice to see you at some point this holiday. I know we're near each other but we got most of our time pre-planned. DP and I are sooo excited about spending some time alone together. Enjoy your holiday!"

FWIW I'd be seriously pissed off if I were you, in fact I'd probably ring her and just ask out right.

I wouldn't change any of my plans for them. They booked a holiday at the same place - they are NOT part of your holiday and don't let them think they are.

thanks for all that!

as it happens holiday place have just rang me to ask if we would like to be upgraded, free of charge to a better lodge with more facilities!!!!..how often does that happen!!..only snag is, it is further away from center so would be problem for my mam(bad arthritus in legs) and is even closer to them!!!!

although im am still p**d off about her intruding on us, i think she's got the message and tbh, she doesnt have a right to be peeved off, cos she was never invited and was told on several occasions we were going to be on our own!..what type of person invites themself along like that!

i have just pre booked all our activities and told dp he's not coming to one of them with us as he is ordered to go to pub..on his own..as planned...to have a pint(or 4!) and watch the footie.

hopefully, the activities will be booked up when they get there.

i sound like a cow, and we get on most of the time, but she is just so ignorant of other peoples feelings!

good for you!

right im off to do some shopping to take with us..hopefully ill miss her call
thanks for all your help everyone..let you know how the fiasco went when i get back

remember... IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE! if she leaves you message "forget" to call back, or suddenly start having problems with your mobile/landline

hope you have a lovely time

Message withdrawn

YG!!!! i can't believe that! she rang without even asking you to try and change YOUR villa?????? what a cheek

back from shop..shes on phone now??? to dp???