Breastfeeding/sleep advice from my Doctor

[rickman]

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Hey Rickman, why don't you go back to the bastard father of your (otherwise miraculously, given their dad) lovely brood? I mean, isn't that advice about as equally useful and practical?

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I think it's a quiet night, all my posts staying near the top which isn't usual.

If you felt comfortable with his advice then maybe it would be good advice, but it doesn't sound like you can do it. It sounds like quick solution from somebody who isn't really involved (ie, a "Man's solution"). Easy for him to say. He doesn't have the same sensitivites & priorities as you.

FWIW, I have a reasonably nice partner around most of the time, and only 3 children, and I am about as stressed as you sound much of the time, too.

A Glass of wine before teatime is about the only thing keeping me sane, some nights...

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hi rickman... i cared! but i didn't think i had anything worthwhile i could say

i can see WHY your gp would suggest those things, but can also see how entirely unpractical they could be (although don't know full situation)

i think all our suggestions on the other thread are far more practical and sensible than the doctors. i don't see how stopping bf would make a difference (how old is ds?) but perhaps you could try getting him to sleep through? i have no magic ways though

Do you want to stop breastfeeding?

If you do then you could try encouraging your DS to take milk from a sippy cup (formula or cows) in an effort to wean him off the boob.

As far as getting him to sleep in his cot, you could try the 'elastic band method' where you sort out your evening routine, put DS in his cot and stay with him til he settles (not CIO).

This worked with my DS when he was 7 months, my DD is 15 months and she has not settled in her cot and is still in bed with me BFing though...

rickman, you don't have to give up bf if you don't want to! i don't think the breastfeeding is causing any of the problems tbh

I saw your other thread Rickman but didn;t feel I had much to offer being a mum to only one.

Why does you Dr think that giving up BF is going to make things easier for you? And sorry I don;t know how old your youngest is btw.

Oh poor, poor you rickman. I hadn't seen the earlier thread but I have read it now. I wish I could help in some practical way- sleep sounds like the key, you need to be able to have some time to yourself in the evening, and to get a good night's sleep. If only it were that easy, eh. I had to stop ds feeding at night at about this age, but I carried on feeding him during the day for months afterwards, so don't feel it has to be the end of breastfeedingif you don't want it to be. It will be a tough few nights not feeding him when he wakes though.

The advice in books always seems to be that you gradually dilute the milk down until it's just water and then they don't wake up hungry any more. Yeah, right, so easy to do with breastfeeding.

DS2 is really clingy, I'm sure, partly because of his personality, partly because of the attention demanded by his older siblings. He's hardly any less clingy of DH (who hasn't secretly been breastfeeding DS2...well, not that I know of, anyway).

Your doctor is completely dismissing the good feelings that breastfeeding brings about (see, ignorant MAN again).

Do you think it might help if you could write up a schedule for things like bathtime, meal planning?

And could you bribe/incentivise your kids to tidy up for you -- say, no pudding until they've had a whizz around the place to tidy up? What if, on non-bath nights (say, 2/3 nights/week) the 3 older ones earnt a pasta piece (for the jar) for entertaining the baby for 1/2 hour while you get some housework done. This would be on top of the "no pudding until your junk is all tidied away". If someone refuses to tidy up then the others get pudding and an extra piece of pasta.

must go to bed, am very naughty to stay up so late, but hope you are in bed, too,now, Rickman. take care...xxxxo

I agree, is your dr saying once your baby has a bottle he'll sleep ? hello ?!

Had a quick look at your threads - sounds tough for you at the mo

I'd say get DS in a routine ASAP. Does your DS sleep during the day in his cot? If not & you're alone with him in the day, give him lunch & then put him in his cot for a snooze. Perhaps you can do the controlled crying or the going in soothing & then leaving - hardwork at first but after a few days of this, he should start to settle much easier. AND then you'll have a break How old are your other children ? Can they help with mealtimes ? Can you give DS a bath, story & bed - set up an evening routine ?

HTH...

agree with just about everyone else that the breastfeeding isn't the key issue, and giving up breastfeeding entirely if you don't want to seems like a bad idea - but it does seem sensible enough to try to get ds to sleep through the night. I really am not in a position to give sleep advice as DS was always a very good sleeper, so wouldn't presume to spout any platitudes at you! I am a bit baffled by suggestion no. 3- in terms of making you feel better, surely DS could be with any trusted relative (your mum say) - no particular reason it could be your ex.

did you ever sort out your drippy Homestart person that was messing you around btw?

rickman - what age is your baby? I've found the amby hammock a complete win for ds3 (and he sleeps like a dream in it) but I have a feeling your baby may be a bit old to go into it. (???) In fact recently I've had ds2 up complaining about monsters and ds1 up weeing in his bed then singing for hours - but the baby has been sleeping through. I;d recommend it if your baby is still quite young.

How do you organise tea/bath usually? If I'm doing tea alone then I tend to feed the baby early, then I'll often give the older 2 thier tea in the front room in front of the TV. DS1 still requires a lot of feeding and that keeps him still sp I can keep an eye on the other 2- otherwise if I try to do them all at the kitchen table then I end up chasing around after ds1 and the other 2 end up abandonnd.

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My main suggestion is that he is talking absolute bollocks. I agree that your life would be easier if ds was sleeping through, but other than that he is talking out of his arse. Any help?

You're exhausted because you have 4 young kids whose lives you are juggling on your own (can the MAN not count?!, I bet he didn't do much childcare for his own kids, that's for sure).

You may want to stop breastfeeding for other reasons, but there do exist good reasons to carry on.

...Would like to continue indulging in point by point rebuttal but better to summarise & say that what your Doc said is ignorant twaddle.

Go sleep, you need it.

Why is he feeding so much at night? DS2 was like this, then suddenly stopped, but can't remember how. Until last week when he';s suddenly become monster obsessed he was the world's greatest sleeper but that was after a hellish couple of years with him. I think IIRC I worked on first stopping the bfeeding (only last thing before sleep) but kept him in bed with me, which was a big improvment, then worked on moving him into his own bed. I think I found something which soothed him instead of bfeeding (rubbing his foot rings a bell).

ps [waves 'Hello!' at tamum]

Hi Rickman, agree with your dr that DS doesn't need feeding through the night - BUT not to give up breastfeeding - that's a lovely thing for both of you.

For tonight can you feed him, say, ooh you're a big boy now & going to sleep in your own bed & kiss him goodnight & leave him until the morning ?

If you keep giving him milk in the night, you're sort of rewarding him for waking up. Surely he can't be hungry ? Can you offer cuddle for a few nights instead ? watch his eating over the next few days etc etc - it's a habit, not a need (ooh don't mean to sound strict )

I guess he could be hungry in the sense that he will be used to being fed in the night, and so will carry on waking up hungry as long as he gets fed. I think that's the principle of the watering-down idea, because then they get used to not having a full tummy at night and do find it easier to sleep through. He won't need night feeds at this age, but would need to give them up bit by bit if he's not going to become too upset, I think.

1 year would be too old for the amby btw. But yes definitely creaking back into memory- first I stopped the all night bfeeding with ds2 (no good for their teeth anyway) and just had him sniuggled up in bed with me for a few months, then tackled getting him to stay in his bed.

I dunno- in ds2's case it was pure comfort, rather than hunger (although he is a pig to this day), which I guess is why he accepted foot rubbing, rather than feeding quite easily. The trouble with reducing feeds after they've been used to snacking is that you have to stay awake ot do that (shudder),.

hello rickman, i have read both threads but have to rush out this morning so will come back to them later. I* am glad you went to the GP and talked to him, even though some of his suggestions dont seem to tally. I will come back to this when i get back, but I want you to look after yourself young lady. You have no self confidence in your parenting and from what i have seen you are doing an excellent job. they are fab kids and you are fab too. Lack of sleep and feeling run down are making you feel a failure when you are doing everything right and giving it your best.

I wish we lived closer so i could help you more, though what i would do to help, i have no idea - soak your kids under the shower for entertainment maybe?