Breastfeeding/sleep advice from my Doctor

[rickman]

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Rickman, I think the sleep through the night is doable. Have you heard of the "core night" approach to getting them to sleep through - it works quite well with breastfeeding.

It's quite a slow process, but you can speed it up as you feel is appropriate. The idea is that you pick a time that he regularly sleeps through to (say, 3am ... I don't know how often he wakes so unsure how realistic this is). He should be doing this fairly regularly so he's unlikely to wake up more than 5-10 mins earlier like this on a really unusual night.

Then if he wakes in the night, DON'T go in to him (unless he's obviously ill, of course) until AFTER this core night time. Then at that point, you can go in and do whatever you have to do to get him to sleep - feed him, rock him, whatever.

Then after a week or so of sleeping through consistently 'til then (and preferably a bit later), gradually increase the time of the "core night" to what you think is appropriate. You might find that actually, he's getting through until about 3.30 now, so core night time becomes up until 3.30am. You gradually "stretch out" their nighttime with relatively little stress to either of you.

(Also, if you know you're not getting up until 'x' time you can plan for an earlier night for yourself, knowing that your day is likely to start then!)

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I agree with the GP about the night feeds, but not the rest. Stop BF, when you want to. Have DS go with the others to his dads, when you want to.

How and where does DS sleep during the day? How much?

A few ways to sort the night feeds/evenings thing:

1. Can you put your mattress on the floor, so falling out isn't a worry? Then you can BF DS to sleep, and then sneak off for a bit of quiet time? If you don't mind BF at night (e.g. can sleep through it?) this might help quite a bit ...

2. You can do CC, put him in a cot, then reduce how much you feed at night. This isn't fun, but it will sort things. (Did you do CC with older kids?) I know CC isn't everyone's cup of tea, though. (The technique is to first start only doing one side/feed, then reduce how long you feed for - time it. Very odd, but does work, and gives him a chance to feed more in the day to make up for the reduction in milk in the night.)

3. Just moving him out of your bed (by any means)might vastly reduce night feeds anyway, as he might be waking up in the night, grumbling a bit, and getting fed? He might not bother if you're not close by?

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have you tried bf ds to sleep and then putting him in hsi cot wrapped in the jumper you have been wearing?

rickman, from what I remember The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley has a section on the core night combined with when you're bed sharing/bf-ing (although, I agree that going to bed before you do is a trickier issue and I can't remember if there was much about that in there). I found some good tips in there to help without resorting to CC, but they are much slower methods (and I did end up using some CC, but it was nice to have some different options to use instead/in combination with it).

Actually, now I come to think of it, I can't remember if it was one of her ideas the "core night" now!! But she definitely did have co-sleeping solutions without losing the co-sleeping part

so have you sat down and thought today what you want to change?

the dinners thing, pre poaring in the day does make it easier. i do mash and stuff and thern just reheat it. Also dont have such high expectations of yourself with regards to food. Pots, beans and meat or pie are usually gulfed down, or fishfingers. put the telly on for them whilst you cook, we all do it.

If they want to play with messy stuff, make them play with it outside.

think Caligula's timer idea is great and will be trying that one myself.

Bedtimes, argh from me too as both of mine were and still are terrible. Sop good luck with that. georgina's idea's sound good though

him saying you were breast feeding for longer so ex cant have little one was just cruel imo. So please please take no notice.

Did he give you any suggestions about taking anything yourself? multi vits or something to help you feel calmer? i am taking 500mg vitamin B complex, one a day and i am sure that is helping with my anxiety. Plus i am taking a probiotic vitamin which i am sure helps. try and eat properly YOURSELF aswell.

Styarting your periods again isnt going to help you feelk great either, poor soul. Sorry for wittering

Hope you dont mind me joining this thread , I personally cannot see any problem with the advice that your doctor has given you. I gave up breastfeeding my children just before their 1st birthday, and like yourself i had mine in bed with me. Controlled Crying worked for me it only took a few nights but you must persevere. Why are you all against the doctors advice, when all it seems to me, is that its not the advice that you actually wanted to hear.
Can i ask what advice you expected?

welcome to mumsnet mumalone, hope you find it a happy supportive place

Have read your other thread rickman and I hate mealtimes and bathtimes too, lots of whinging as they are both tired, dd1 hates hairwashing so screams, dd2 throwing food arrghhhh. And I have a hands on dh and feel like running away, so first give yourself a pat on the back, how you can say you are useless is plain baloney.

Second, yes, it would be better for your child to sleep through but as to whether giving up b/f will do this, who knows. What will definitely help is him sleeping in his own cot. I couldn't do control crying (think it is mean imo) but I tried to crack the daytime naps first with pick up put down, you can cope with crying better in the day than at 4am.

Re food, I try and do little meals and store them in the freezer, I also have crap small freezer but I can get some things in. I work 3 days and then they have sandwiches, quick, easy and I try to healthy stuff on the plate as well, fruit & veg etc. You do not have to do a gourmet meal at night! Not in my house anyway.

Will try and think of more.

xx

I think giving up breastfeeding, which Rickman feels happy with, isn't the solution. BUT getting a good nights sleep is.

Agree that establishing daytime naps sets a precedence for the night time - baby gets used to sleeping in cot. You get some space & sleep.

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well done Rickman ! see if you can maintain this for a couple of days & then start to DS in his own bed. Have you started the day time naps yet ?

Thank you Fio2

Things haven't been going so well with ds's sleeping. I don't know if he is teething again, but he just doesn't want to be put down. Last night he woke up at about 3 am and wouldn't go back to sleep for well over an hour. The only way to get him to go back to sleep, was feeding him.

I'm finding it hard to stop feeding him at night, when it is the quickest and easiest way to get him to sleep. I don't have the energy to faff about at 3 in the morning. I suppose I'm lazy really, I need to put in more effort to get this to work.

Haven't read all the thread rickman. How old is your ds? Mine is 4 1/2 months and a mare to get to sleep atm. One thing that works is - yes - breastfeeding. So I do it - I really don't think it's damaging. Apparently breastmilk contains sleep-inducing substances. Their needs are their wants at this age and my theory is he will be more amenable to settling himself when he's ready/able.
Oh, just seen his age, which might seem to make some of this irrelevant, but I still think you shouldn't feel under pressure to stop bf - even after 1 it has loads of benefits. I hope I last that long bf!
And less of the 'useless' please - I often find it hard enough with 1 child and a partner, so can't imagine how hard it must be with 4 without.