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Original poster

Has your dh/partner had a vasectomy?

41 replies

SPARKLER1 · 24/09/2005 11:32

I have mixed feelings about having another child. Probably leaning more towards not having another. I have told dh that I am coming off the pill at the end of the year so it's down to him to get himself booked in for the dirty deed.
He went for a consultation about two years ago and the doctor he saw was a bit of a strange guy and dh decided that he definitely wouldn't be going to him to have it done!!!! After all who can blame him - a man's private parts are very important to him aren't they? LOL

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 24/09/2005 11:34

Sparkler, I would say don't do it until you are more sure than just 'probably leaning towards the idea of no more kids'.

If you do decide to go through with it then the op is quick, relatively painless and recovery is pretty quick. Your DH could be back at work within a couple of days post op.

Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 24/09/2005 11:35

DH has decided that he is definitely not having anymore children.

OP posts:
blueteddy · 24/09/2005 11:36

My DH had a vasectomy 3 months after the birth of ds2.
He made a bit of a fuss about how terrible it was for him, but it was all over in 15 mins!
He was a bit bruised for a little while after & had a funny walk for a few days, but other than that, he was fine!
It is nice not to worry about contraception!

NomDePlume · 24/09/2005 11:37

That's all very well, but the 'no more kids' decision isn't just his to make, is it ? Like I say, if you both decide that it's the right thing for you, as a family, then the op is straightforward.

edgetop · 24/09/2005 11:52

i asked my dh yesterday if he would have one he said yes,i have marina coil fitted & want it out, i don,t want anything else,we don,t want any more children so i think it would be good. can he have it do on nhs.?

NomDePlume · 24/09/2005 11:53

Yes, vasectomies can be done on the NHS, not sure what the waiting list is like though.

Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 24/09/2005 11:54

But do you ever truely get the feeling out of you that you never want anymore children? I have days where I think definitely not, I'm enjoying have some me time back and having my night time sleep again. Then other times I think how wonderful it would be to be pregnant again and hold a lovely new born baby.

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 24/09/2005 11:58

I'm sure that there are people who have been sterilised who still get broody every now and again. I guess it depends how often it happens and how long the periods of broodiness last.

edgetop · 24/09/2005 12:11

i see what you mean but dh &i are 44 i feel for me it,s too old.

geekgrrl · 24/09/2005 12:21

sparkler, my dh has had a vasectomy - we'd reached the point where another child would have felt like a complete disaster. Actually, in the months prior to his snip and subsequent all-clear, I had so many nightmares about finding myself pregnant with twins and it being too late to terminate etc. So, yes, it is possible to absolutely, totally feel that you do not want another baby. I don't even get the slightest hint of broodiness when holding a newborn - all I feel is relief that I don't have to have one again.

Skribble · 25/09/2005 00:36

My Dh has had it done but we were both totally agreed. I would make sure that you have discussed this properly and what exactly it means to you both. As for not liking the doctor that is really beside the point and the descision should be made on what you both want not if he likes the doctor.

Sorry that sounds a bit blunt but I just mean you need to sort out if you are certain you don't want anymore then find him a doctor he is comfortable with.

MarsLady · 25/09/2005 01:24

yup!

magnolia1 · 25/09/2005 08:50

Can my dh just have it done with no input from me? I know its his body bla bla bla and I would never force more kids on him but I can't bear the thought of not having the choice
He is going to the docs for a consultation in October

juice · 25/09/2005 10:03

my dh would never have the snip and i would never make him.
sorry the thought of my hubby getting that done to his bits makes me cringe so much.
i like him to have his bits intact.

jenkel · 25/09/2005 10:14

We are considering it, I would always like more kids but practically its not possible and dh certainly doesnt want more kids. After an IVF pregnancy I dont want to have to take any more drugs so the pill is out and really dont fancy the coil. DH is really supportive and said that it is his turn now to be messed around with.

Kazziegirl · 25/09/2005 10:36

My dh had a vasectomy after we had dd. We only wanted 2 children and felt our family was complete as soon as we had her. We have no regrets and like geekgrrl I have no broody feelings at all. Another pregnancy would be the end of the world for us.

sunnydelight · 25/09/2005 14:10

DH finally had his after DD was born, he was supposed to have it after DS2 but never quite got round to it

expatinscotland · 25/09/2005 14:16

DH having his in January. This one is due in December.

He didn't need anyone's permission, including mine, for it. His body, his choice. HE does not want to father anymore children. Fair enough.

Luckily, I don't want more than 2 myself, so that's that sorted.

spidermama · 25/09/2005 14:36

I'm totally with you juice and mazed we seem to be in such a small minority.

There's absolutely no way my dh would have the snip and I would never ask it of him.
It may be over in 15 minutes, but he has been snipped for life. My DH fears there's a link with depression (not backed up by any stats as far as I know). He wouldn't want to be incapable of producing more, even if he has no intention of so doing.
I completely understand, because I feel the same way.

expatinscotland · 25/09/2005 14:39

My DH CHOSE to have the snip, b/c HE does not want to father anymore kids. Why do people assume it's b/c their wives or partners pressure them into it? I had two boyfriends who never had any kids and had vasectomies b/c they never wanted kids.

A man who has had a vasectomy is fully 'intact', and no, there is no link to depression.

DH's dad has had one, my father has, my sister's husband, etc. They don't have any regrets, but they were dead sure they didn't want to father any more children.

It's a personal decision, just as it would be for a female seeking sterilisation, and is treated as such by the medical profession.

I woudln't want anyone telling me what I could do w/my body, so I certainly wouldn't try to do that to someone else.

Lonelymum · 25/09/2005 14:43

My dh has had a vasectomy. At the consultation, it was actually suggested that it might be better for the woman to be sterilised if she wanted no more children as any relationship might break down and the woman would lose her fertility in x years times anyway, whereas the man maintains his throughout life and might want another child in a later realationship. How would you feel about being sterilised Sparkler? It does sound to me though as though you are not sure enough that you don't want more children to be sterilised, and therefore, should your dh be considering a vasectomy?

expatinscotland · 25/09/2005 14:49

Lonelymum
This isn't personally directed at you, b/c you're just sharing your experiences, but I'm honestly shocked that such a sexist, discriminatory attitude was put forward to a man in there for help making an extremely personal decision.

So what if the relationship breaks down? Does that mean a man must father a child w/everyone of his partners in order to somehow further validate it?

At DH's consult, he was asked, 'What if your kids die?' He was affronted and said as much - as if your kids are something that can be replaced by just having more.

It's amazing such archaic and chauvinistic attitudes still persist.

Vasectomy is FAR more effective than female sterilisation, carries less risk (no worries about ectopic pregnancy there!), and is a much cheaper, simpler procedure.

spidermama · 25/09/2005 14:53

Of course your kids can't be 'replaced' expat but I think it's sensible to consider what might happen in the (thankfully unlikely) scenario where they might die.
No-one knows how they'd feel.
Things change. Just because a man thinks he doesn't ever want anymore kids at this point in time, things can and do change.

Lonelymum · 25/09/2005 14:56

I was shocked too Expat although I was forewarned that this would be suggested as a friend who had been for couselling with her dh was asked to consider the same thing.

I do take the point though that my fertility will be at an end in maybe 5-10 years time whereas dh's will last for his lifetime. If I died, I would want my dh to remarry and would be quite happy for him to have a child with his new partner so I suppose, there is a point to be made. However, dh and decided that we would put on a bet on us both staying alive and together, in which case, we were agreed we wanted no more children, and the vasectomy seemd far easier to do than female sterilisation. The bottom line is, dh and I see ourselves as two halves of a whole and so his vasectomy was done for the benefit of both of us, not simply one of us.

expatinscotland · 25/09/2005 14:57

That's why it's a personal decision for a man (or woman) to make, spidermama.

I give people credit for being able to make their own judgement with regard to how many kids they want. It's really not for the medical profession to decide that.

They do have an obligation to inform patients that sterilisation is a permanent procedure and should be considered as such.

But bringing up things like, 'What if your kids die?' and 'What if you meet a new partner'. Well, no one I know who's been sterilised - male and female - has casually walked into a consultant's office to discuss sterilisation.

DH is nearly 30 years old. Old enough to make a decision like that.

I respect that and respect his body.