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Original poster

Honour Amongst Mums?

43 replies

marthamoo · 23/09/2005 10:20

Bit of a rant really. Last Friday I arrived at pre-school to pick up ds2 and found him in different trousers to the ones I'd sent him in. He'd had a accident - no big deal. I was handed a tied up carrier bag with his wet clothes in. Only when I got home and opened the bag - they weren't his clothes. Thankfully they were only weed on so I washed and tumble dried them and dropped them back at pre-school that same afternoon.

Now I expected the other Mum to do the same...but a week later and ds2's clothes still haven't turned up. The clothes I was given by mistake were...er...pretty scratty. The jeans ds2 was wearing were really nice - they were MiniMode and I bought them half price in the sale, he had only just grown into them. It's fairly obvious that the other Mum has decided not to reclaim her scruffy old trews and keep ds2's instead. I am mightily peed off. Pre-school are being very wishy-washy about the whole thing - vague promises about sending a note home with all the boys' Mums (I don't see why they can't just ask this other Mum directly - I don't know who she is and they won't tell me).

It's not even the trousers so much (well it is, actually - they were really nice - and I would never pay £15 for jeans for a 3 year old so I was very chuffed to get them half price) it's the principle!

Another MNer and RL friend of mine had her raincover (one of those Maclaren ones that has eyelets and fits on the hood) pinched off her buggy from the changing rooms at the swimming bath. It was a new one, the old one had ripped as they do, and so she'd bought a new one at not inconsiderable expense. It hadn't occured to her just to pinch someone else's.

I just think it's rotten that Mums can rip each other off in this way - I thought there was a kind of Mum solidarity. I'm naive aren't I?

OP posts:
northstar · 23/09/2005 10:24

My granny always said "don't judge others by your own standards because you will always be disappointed"

Carmenere · 23/09/2005 10:28

At my post natal group at the local health centre we all had to crowd into the room with our prams and buggies because on previous occasions when they were left outside they had been stolen

KBear · 23/09/2005 10:28

Bear in mind that MOST mums are like you not the trouser-snatcher! I know what you mean though. And appalling about the raincover too.

foxinsocks · 23/09/2005 10:29

it drives me mad and it doesn't get better

dd has lost loads of (fully-named) school uniform - it's not in lost property so basically some other child is wearing it and just hasn't given it back - they've probably just taken the name tag out and put another one in. The only uniform that seems not to go missing is where I've actually written her name in with a laundry pen. Lovely!

laligo · 23/09/2005 10:30

weeell... the other mum in this case could just be scatty and not yet have got round to it...

or perhaps it is a dad - if my dp was in this situation the bag of weed-on jeans would still be festering in his backpack cos he'd have forgotten about it

(though i'm probably naive too)

Original poster
marthamoo · 23/09/2005 10:31

That did occur to me laligo - question is, do I really want the jeans back if they've been festering in urine for a week?

OP posts:
laligo · 23/09/2005 10:34

tbh dp would also not recognise the difference between ds's clothes and someone else's

jangly · 23/09/2005 10:34

I think you need to get a bit severe with the playgroup. Tell them exactly what the clothes were like that he was sent to playgroup in that day and say it is their responsibility to see they are returned to you. I think I would put it in a letter to the leader. They must know who the other mother is and its up to them to ask for the clothes back.

Why don't they scrawl the child's name on the carrier bags?

Yes, sadly, I think you are a bit naieve.

GhostofNatt · 23/09/2005 10:34

The trouser mum is probably as likely to be vague as dishonest - I say this as someone whose child has come home in others' trousers after accidents and it has sometimes taken me a week or two to get them back to the school.

laligo · 23/09/2005 10:35

hate to be sexist (well actually no i don't ) but i bet a lot of this sort of thing is down to clueless dads - the rest is of course evil mums with no sense of sisterhood

foxinsocks · 23/09/2005 10:36

are ds2's clothes named?

I would ask them to have a word with the mum.

ScummyMummy · 23/09/2005 10:36

The mums of today, eh moo? No seriously- v poor behaviour, imo. Nicking nice jeans is definitely not cricket. Have you been inspecting every kid's lower half to make sure they aren't wearing them?

macwoozy · 23/09/2005 10:36

laligo, I'd be seething a bit too, cheek of the woman.
foxinsocks, this has happened to me several times at school too, and my ds always seems to end up getting trousers with holes in, or stained tops. But last time I handed them back into school, I never got my ds's clothes back. Last week it happened again, ds came home in someone else's jumper, but tbh I've not returned it, I don't want to lose out on another piece of school clothing.

Janh · 23/09/2005 10:37

for you, moo. Have you explained to pre-school about the MiniMode ones?

However - possible gleam of light for you? - karma brought me a brand new beautiful blue Ralph Lauren towel from a New York summer camp this year, to replace the brand new beautiful peach Diane von Furstenburg towel that was "exchanged" for a scratty smelly thin beige one from the bench at the side of the baby pool in Accrington 22 years ago! (Is that too long for you to wait? Do they make Miniman to fit 25-yr-olds?)

DD1 was as thrilled as me - god knows how often she must have heard about the DvF one

laligo · 23/09/2005 10:37

and scatty mums ghost!

GhostofNatt · 23/09/2005 10:37

I feel awful now, never meant to knick other children's trousers and always got them back to the school in the end....

foxinsocks · 23/09/2005 10:38

yes I know what you mean macwoozy

Next time I look in lost property, if I see an unnamed sweatshirt/cardigan in dd's size, I think I will just take it because it could well be hers. I'm fed up of being the honest one and taking things back when no-one else seems to bother!

ScummyMummy · 23/09/2005 10:39

lol janh- did the DvF stealer have the mega guilts and send you the RL one?

laligo · 23/09/2005 10:40

i would be the same ghost

Original poster
marthamoo · 23/09/2005 10:42

Too right, scummy. If you read in the newspaper about a deranged woman being arrested for dragging jeans off some poor, unsuspecting 3 year old...it's me

Lol @ Jan and your towel story I probably will still be simmering with resentment 25 years hence.

GhostofNatt - have you got my ds's trousers?!

OP posts:
GhostofNatt · 23/09/2005 10:47

No really, mm, I haven't though am ashamed to say i do have one pair of girl's trousers that DS came home in and that i truly truly forgot about until many months later when saw them staring accusingly at me from a drawer. Maybe I could make reparations by sending you some trousers?

vickitiredmum · 23/09/2005 11:16

I have to say - i have always been a bit slow getting "spare" clothes back to my DD's nursery when I have either forgotten a spare set or she has also got through the spare set. Although as I understand it - the spare set was just that and not some other childs misplaced clothes. And always much more scruffy than my own. I see notices around the nursery all the time though asking parents to look out for missing garments that may have been taken in error and it does seem some people either dont care what they pick up etc or they really are that unscrupulous.

One of the other girls in DD's group has an identical jacket. My DDs has her name in but the nursery staff still managed to put it on the wrong peg. How did i know - my DD's coat had ketchup all over the sleeve and so i knew it wasnt right because it was too clean! So i went off and swapped them back! I wouldve hated if it had been the other way round and other mum hadnt swapped it back.

When some of my DD's clothes went missing once they could only accept they were at fault because i had physically handed the bag of sickie clothes to the nursery manager who had offered to wash them and they had then "lost" it. They gave me £20 next vouchers for that. (Although they were sickie clothes because they had fed my daughter macaroni cheese knowing she had a dairy allergy - long old story).

I would put more pressure on the preschool to try and sort - if you have labelled up the clothes they should have made sure they got it right if they have changed the childs clothes.

scully · 23/09/2005 12:26

This happened to us last week, dd's matching shirt and trousers have disappeared into another bag and haven't shown up. and they were a b'day gift and quite a nice outfit, which makes it all the more irritating. Hopefully it is just a case of forgetting to return them, can't say I feel overly hopeful though.

dinosaur · 23/09/2005 12:35

I did a terrible thing before the summer holidays. DS1's cagoule had been missing for weeks (despite being clearly labelled with his name) and I'd already hunted through the stinky lost clothes bunker at school without success. Had one more try at the end of term and BINGO - spotted his cagoule.

Or at lesat, I thought it was until I realised when I got it home that it had no name in it. But it was exactly the same size, same colour and same make.

So, reader, I kept it because DS1 needed a cagoule for the summer and I didn't see the point of putting it back in the festering bin which was going to be emptied at the end of term anyway.

Marina · 23/09/2005 12:39

We have acquired a really skanky shirt this week and its owner, known to the other families has got our nicer one. Fat chance of getting it back and not advisable to make a scene about it
I think it is even worse when talking about mufti than school uniform though moo and I'd be VERY annoyed in your position.
Will be writing our NAME in indelible marker on the hem of our brand new Techno raincover tonight after reading this thread.

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