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Original poster

Would you be angry with your dp/dh over this.

27 replies

froffy · 16/09/2005 17:32

My dh has just got a payrise and it will be back dated so basically when he gets paid next month he will have an extra £300. He told me this and before I had chance to say anything he replied, and before you say anything I will be spending it on turning spare bedroom into his gym. I questioned that saying there might be something else to spend the money on and his reply was "Its mine" this really annoyed me as he stopped being "I" when we got married and I spent my bonus on getting the garden sorted out last month and he contributed about 20% to it, and I still have an overdraft that partly paid for it.

He fails to see why I am annoyed and its caused us not speaking tonight, I wanted to ask here as I know you lot dont beat about the bush and I want to know frankly if you would be fed up.

Name changed as dont want family to know.

OP posts:
Caligula · 16/09/2005 17:34

I'd be livid.

He actually doesn't understand what being a couple is, if this is his attitude.

ScummyMummy · 16/09/2005 17:35

I would be annoyed. Quite apart from the sharing aspect what if you don't want the spare room to be a gym? I think he should be discussing this with you.

starshaker · 16/09/2005 17:35

if you buy the food say its my food i buy it

Angeliz · 16/09/2005 17:36

I'd be angry, more about his stinkin selfish attitude TBH.

You're a family!!

JoolsToo · 16/09/2005 17:36

it'll take more than £300 to create a gym!

swiperfox · 16/09/2005 17:36

lol i've done that starshaker!!

I'd be livid too

snafwitch · 16/09/2005 17:37

Yes. He's being an arse. To refuse to even discuss it is medieval male f*ckwittage of the highest order.

Caligula · 16/09/2005 17:38

I really don't see why you have got an overdraft, when you're spending money on stuff for you and him (and your kid(s) - I presume you have one/ some?)

This is not how a partnership works.

Fio2 · 16/09/2005 17:39

tell him you are pregnant and burst into tears

Original poster
froffy · 16/09/2005 17:40

lol, I had agreed the the spare room can be converted into a gym, and we have various items of gym equipment scattered about the house. that I am not annoyed about, its the way he has the money and decided to spend it on him and what he wants.

OP posts:
spacecadet · 16/09/2005 17:40

sorry but hes being a selfish git, he wont get much for £300 anyway, next time you shop, label all the food MINE! when he asks where his dinner is tell him to go and buy his own!

Original poster
froffy · 16/09/2005 17:42

he is one of these you dont spend money on things unless you have it (except mortgage) and I had an overdraft from way back, we have a seperate account as I am not as good as money as him, he will spend what he needs to spend, and I will spend what I have an never save. The garden hit a problem and the roots from tree took longer and pushed us over budget from what we had and I was not going to leave it half done.

OP posts:
Jackstini · 16/09/2005 17:43

lol Snafwitch - & I agree.
Froffy - even if you have agreen on the principle I would be fuming if my DH did not even consider discussing the extra money with me. You are in the right girl!

spidermama · 16/09/2005 17:46

I'd be annoyed if dh presented me with a fait accompli about how he intended to spend such a large sum of money. We are joint partners in the business of being a family and thus should consult each other about these issue.

He clearly feels a strong need to have gym and believes he has earned the right. Perhaps this can be negotiated, but he has certainly gone about it the wrong way.

triceratops · 16/09/2005 17:49

Financially you would be better off paying off the overdraft before starting a new project. However I think that you are objecting to the delivery rather than the message. Its that "before you say anything" bit that would rile me.

Gobbledigook · 16/09/2005 17:59

I'd be very annoyed indeed. That's not what partnership is about.

QueenOfQuotes · 16/09/2005 18:01

I'd be annoyed too - I agree with TT - it certainly sounds like the delivery was completly pants.

munz · 16/09/2005 18:13

yes v v annoyed - althou in fair ness to my DH if he gets a bonus or something like that I do let him treat himself to something nice (normally £100 max out of the bonus/payrise) and it works the same with me, but for him to take the whole lot

agree label food as urs and do ur own cooking/washin etc to make a point.

would he not comprimise and share it 50/50 so u can go shopping/pay ur o/d off? (that would be something)

cori · 16/09/2005 18:35

I dont know how annoyed i would be tbh. Does he spend money on himself a lot. Is money short elsewhere? We all need to treat ourselves.
I am getting a similar backpay next month ( I hope) and am planning on buying a Denby dinner set. Dh doesnt think we need it, but I dont care.

Nevada · 16/09/2005 19:08

Would be very annoyed as I think this is pretty rude.

paolosgirl · 16/09/2005 19:13

Nope, it's not on. He's being very childish and very selfish. He's a bloke though, so it'll take a while for this to dawn on him.

hunkermunker · 16/09/2005 19:17

Can you do the old..."put these on" and throw him your knickers - when he says he'll never get into them...say too bloody right, matey, you won't again unless you change your attitude!

Socci · 16/09/2005 19:18

Message withdrawn

Jackstini · 18/09/2005 12:11

lol Hunker - will have to try that one!

Blu · 18/09/2005 12:27

tell him that if he insists on divinding everything up that you demand rent for your share of the spare room very time he uses it as a gym!