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Original poster

Quick, please advise - domestic emergency

42 replies

Bugsy2 · 15/09/2005 16:58

ex-H is at house and we agreed that he could take both children for the night. Ds has kicked off and won't go. ex-H is saying he will take dd, but not ds. I am not there, I'm in a blind panic. I don't know what to do. I don't think he should take dd on her own & just leave ds behind because he's crying.
Shit, what do I do? I'm 40 mins away from home.

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 15/09/2005 16:58

Is he waiting with the children for you to get home?

bundle · 15/09/2005 16:59

who's with them? can they calm ds down? i'm sure he wouldn't want to be left behind? can they use bribery??

Original poster
Bugsy2 · 15/09/2005 16:59

God, should I ask ds to go even though he is screaming. I know he will have a good time when he is there. We've had this before. What is the right thing?

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Original poster
Bugsy2 · 15/09/2005 16:59

no, he's not waiting for me. They are with the nanny.

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Original poster
Bugsy2 · 15/09/2005 17:00

ex-H is blisteringly unsympathetic and has no idea how to reassure or calm ds. OMG, am shaking

OP posts:
annh · 15/09/2005 17:01

Will ds speak to you on the phone? Can ex not wait until you get there?

spacedonkey · 15/09/2005 17:01

I think I'd tell him to leave ds behind with the nanny if he is that upset and ex is unable to calm him. It won't be the end of the world if he doesn't go.

stacijc · 15/09/2005 17:02

why is he screaming not to go? if it were my ds and he reg scremed when he went there i would ask him why

don't mean to alarm u, u understand thats what i would do

Original poster
Bugsy2 · 15/09/2005 17:02

ex-H refuses to wait, ds won't speak to me

OP posts:
dinosaur · 15/09/2005 17:02

Why can't ex-H wait until you get there?

littleun · 15/09/2005 17:03

i agree spacedonkey, maybe if he stats behind this tme he'll realise he has missed out and not play up the next time round

Original poster
Bugsy2 · 15/09/2005 17:03

ds just wants to curl up on his sofa & stay at home, he's 5, its Thursday and he's tired. He does have a good time at his fathers but it took me 15 mins to talk him into going last time.

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Original poster
Bugsy2 · 15/09/2005 17:04

but he won't realise he's missing out, he is perfectly happy to stay in his own home, surrounded by his own things. Ahhhhhhh

OP posts:
stacijc · 15/09/2005 17:04

aaah right i see

leave him then, but have a realy dull night so he feels he missed out

Original poster
Bugsy2 · 15/09/2005 17:04

ex-H won't wait because he says it is belittling

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Original poster
Bugsy2 · 15/09/2005 17:05

stacij, it will be dull, reading his schoolbook, bath & bedtime but that's what he wants.

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littleun · 15/09/2005 17:05

belittling to who?

spacedonkey · 15/09/2005 17:06

Your ex sounds like an arse!

Original poster
Bugsy2 · 15/09/2005 17:06

But should dd go? I think that it is wrong to just take one child? I can't just leave a child behind because they are kicking off about something? OMG - what is right?

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Original poster
Bugsy2 · 15/09/2005 17:07

my ex-H is a complete shit & he hates me, he has phoned me 6 times in the last 20 mins, so that I can hear ds screaming. Feel sick

OP posts:
Medea · 15/09/2005 17:07

Oh, I do feel for you Bugsy. . .I think ds should be made to go, though. I think you're just paving the way for more of these refusals in the future. And it's important for him to have a close relationship with his dad, don't you think? And these weekends with him will draw them closer. And if he has a good time once he gets there. .. that seems all the more reason to encourage him to go. I think I 'd do that, in your situation.

I do understand about the blistering insensitivity, though. It is a shame you're not there, but clearly there isn't time for you to go home and sort it out. Good luck.

spacedonkey · 15/09/2005 17:07

Don't panic! What is wrong with him taking one child? Why is that wrong? It might be nice for her to have some one-to-one time with dad (and for ds to have one-to-one time with you)

annh · 15/09/2005 17:08

Why can't he just stay behind if he is tired (presumably still getting used to being back at school)? If he doesn't want to go and it sounds like ex doesn't care if he goes or not, then leave the poor chap be!

Original poster
Bugsy2 · 15/09/2005 17:09

my gut instinct is that ds should go, even though he is making a scene at the moment. I think otherwise he is getting his own way. Ex-H of course doesn't want to take an angry, bad-tempered child, he would rather just bugger off with the good one.

OP posts:
starlover · 15/09/2005 17:09

tell him to take dd!

seriously, if your ds doesn't want to go then don't make him! you shouldn't have to bribe him to spend time with his dad!