Quick, please advise - domestic emergency

[Bugsy2]

ex-H is at house and we agreed that he could take both children for the night. Ds has kicked off and won't go. ex-H is saying he will take dd, but not ds. I am not there, I'm in a blind panic. I don't know what to do. I don't think he should take dd on her own & just leave ds behind because he's crying.
Shit, what do I do? I'm 40 mins away from home.

I didn't really want either of them to go on a school night. It is really disruptive for them but ex-H gets really nasty if I say no. He claims they are fine and that I am denying him the right to see his children. OMG

then make ex take him anyway after all they are both his children he should be able to handle a situation like this without upsetting and worrying you

but how many times will ds not go? If he doesn't go this time - how many more times will he not go?

how can he say that if he doesnt want to take ds !!!!!!! god men!!!!

littleun, I feel like this. I don't call ex-H every time one of them refuses to do something.

I could understand not wanting to give in to a tantrum if ds was trying to get something that you had said no to or something like that, but in this instance it sounds like he is tired and wants to stay at home, not being wilful for the sake of it.

im starting to see why hes your ex!

I think you're right, Bugsy about insisting ds go with ex-h. . .boys get stroppy & tired sometimes. My ds is the same age, and has similar sort of "tantrums" over things he does/doesn't want to do. I give in sometimes, but always regret it because it makes things worse in the long run. Look: ds will most likely be fine once he gets there. Almost certainly he will.

That your dh doesn't want to take him is pure laziness & selfishness on his part. He's finding ways to make you feel awful. And remember, it's embarrassing for him to have a son that doesn't want to be with him! It's probably a big blow to his ego, so he's doubly taking it out on you!

ex-H has left the house, leaving both children at home. He is ranting on the phone to me.

what a complete bastard

bloody hell.

It is hard for me to verbalise how much I hate him.

tell him to f%&k off! he had his chance to take them and he chose not to.
tell him to stop being childish

last time he came, the first thing he did was have a go at ds, didn't say hello or give him a hug. I can imagine it was much the same today, situation escalates & ds gets hysterical and then ex-H just walks away!!!!!!!

i'd tell jhim that the kids obviously don't want to see him and until he can learn to behave then he isn;'t welcome any more.

it's not the best example to be setting them is it?

why are men such wa%^ers?

Sorry that a potentially nice evening turned into a nightmare.
another time, could you let him take just dd with minimum fuss, and have some time alone with her?

ds might then get a bit jealous...

Surely it doesn't matter if your ds stays at home for a few times? It's unlikely to last very long, especially if he knows that you aren't afraid of him going.

Im also divorced, dx often says things like Right, who's coming with me, and who's going with Mummy? and the children chose different things.

Meant to post to say thank you for responding to my panic, but haven't had access until now.
Before bedtime, I had a chat to ds, and he admitted that it was a tantrum (open questioning from me, no prompting!).
Anyhow, thank you all - really appreciated it at the time. Thought I was going to explode with stress.