If you are "discovered" what would you do?

[Wills]

I absolutely adore using Mumsnet and it has become a major part of my life. Given all the support and advice I get from mumsnet I naturally want to pass this on to my friends, but at the same time I don't really want to loose the anonimty that allows me to discuss things that I might not want to discuss with friends.

If you thought that someone you didn't want to know your inner secrets had "discovered" you what would you do? Would you change your name? (problem with that is that I feel that people know me through this name). Would you ignore their attempts to contact you?

Oh relax, people from all over the world use this site, it could be someone in America for all they know.

The thing is what if you found out something about one of your friends that meant that you would find it hard to talk to them with out bringing it up?

I know some of my friends use this site on a regular basis but have never even thought ohh is that so and so.

And if they say are you so and so all you say is no, if you have to tell them your name is Rumplestiltskin and they should get the message.

I think i'd ask for all my previous private posts to be deleted - or if that was too big a job then for all my posts to be deleted.

I'd then come back as two people - one name for personal private posts with no indicator of who I am, and one name for all other normal posts.

In fact I think I will create a different name for my private posts.

TBH, if I'm discussing my deep dark inner secrets, I use another alias. It is possible to spot people you know but only if they a) use an easily recognisable alias and b) discuss something unusual.

If I didn't want to be contacted, I'd reply saying "I've no idea who you are, sorry". From a new, fake hotmail address if necessary!

Difficult one Wills. Depends a bit on how the other person was treating their knowledge/ how you felt about hem knowing what you are posting. There is someone on here who I was at school with who I know quite well but not very well - I know who she is but I know she doesn't know who I am. I wouldn't tell her that I knew she posts, and I wouldn't think any differently/badly/etc of her because of what she posts. And I think that is fine. And if she did know who I was that wouldn't bother me at all because she is a nice person and would probably be as discreet about it as I am.
But if it is someone who is trying to contact you, and if you feel that by her knowing who you are you are somehow inhibited from using Mumsnet in the way you want, then it is different I guess.
Is she sure she knows who you are? If not, then I'd ignore the attempts to contact, deny furiously, and maybe make up an extra child or claim to live in Wales or something that might throw her off the scent. If she does - then might she not also work you out even if you changed your name?
Tricky one. Not much help, really. But I agree it is a shame to change your name when you have friends on here who know you by it....

I agree with Soupdragon. I have an alias I use specifically for more private posts, or where it is something that I know friends will recognise me from.
I think everyone on here gives advice and help where they can and it wouldn't matter if they "know" you or not by your nickname - you would still receive the same great advice and sympathy if needed.

it depends I suppose. I think anyone could guess who I am who knew me - I've posted my age, my job and my son's name! No stalkers yet though. Mind you, I won't tell dh my mumsnet name! Hello, darling, if you've logged on

Wills, I sympathise: a few people I know know about mumsnet and I'm sure they know my name too so it does slightly affect the way I post about very personal things, which is a shame. I suppose the effect it has is that I don't really post about very very personal things under www. There may be more people who know me here but haven't admitted it since I think I'm fairly recognisable too due to lots of stuff I've posted. A friend came here once on my recommendation and spotted me within 5 minutes.

I suppose in your case it depends on who it is. There was someone here who was in a similar situation to you and her nickname wasn't exactly subtle - it identified her since it was her initials I think. So she started a thread telling people she was going to change her name in anticipation of various friends of hers logging on, got all her posts put in the new name (agree with batters about deleted posts, very frustrating if you're looking for info on an old thread) and then got the thread about her name change deleted. I think if you'd really like to deny you are who this person thinks you are I'd set up a fake account too and email them saying sorry! I'm not xyz, did the person you're thinking of go to Timbucktu university, because I did? Sympathies, I love mumsnet and like my anonymity here but I'm fully aware that anyone who knows me would spot me straight away and it is disconcerting.

God - I would be terrified if anyone knew me - I am more outspoken on here than in the real world and have been very honest about some painful things - I would hate to be seen as a victim.

I did wonder about this at the start but then thought of all of the mums who could be using this who are going through same thing as I am - made me wish I had not put area I live or dds name though - there are litterally millions all over the world.

Am trying to think if I know anyone who speaks like ppp now?? hhhmmm!!

No I know no one that posh to have an oil fired aga!!

Batters - it's seeing other deleted posts that has made me think it's a possibility - I have no idea if mumsnet would actually do it for me.
I'd also like to try throwing someone off the scent by inventing another child/different location etc. This all depends on whether I would actually know if I have been rumbled - I know if I figured out someone elses identity I would not mention it to them because I'd appreciate they might want to keep their personal posts anonymous. I agree though it's fustrating to come across old threads with deleted posts.
What would you do?

Just as an aside, it's very easy to spot someone here. There are at least 2 people I know who post but they probably think I don't know who they are. I'm so addicted though I can spot someone I know in real life a mile off. Hope that doesn't make anyone nervous, I wouldn't admit it unless they asked me.

I do get nervous about it. I have discussed things on here that could make me very easily recognisable. I know my sister has used Mumsnet in the past, and also a friend who I recommended it to. Because I knew they were posting, I changed my nickname to this one so that they wouldn't automatically spot me (my old nickname was under my real name too which was rather silly!). But when I discuss things like my relationship with dh, my depression and my relations with family, I just have to hope that no-one I know is using Mumsnet as I wouldn't discuss certain things with certain people, if you know what I mean!
Saying that though, my best friend uses Mumsnet and we know each others nicknames, but then I wouldn't discuss anything on here that I wouldn't have already told her anyway!

If I had to, I would change my nickname again, but it would be a major faff.

I have been spotted - by someone I was just trying to spot myself - and I know that I'm incredibly recognisable to anyone who knows me - my friend said the writing style, quite apart from anything else, was very much my voice. I'd use a pseudonym for anything personal (although knowing me that would be spotted too)!

I dont care!

ps always wondered who the old dragon was........

I was goimg to start this thread a while ago 'cos I I recommended mumsnet to someone and the same evening she texted me back using my name! I was that obvious. She says she has now posted but I have no idea who she is - I haven't really tried to find out. It probably does make me more careful what I say knowing that someone out there knows me and DP - I often compose thread titles then dont post them - but maybe I wouldn't anyway. If I could be bothered or really needed to I would probably invent another name for more personal threads

Several of my friends know about mumsnet. One friend managed to blackmail me here. She had borrowed something pretty valuable off me. She promised to give it back but never got round to it. Her husband and mine then fell out and we did too. She still had the item. She then posted some very horrible and untrue things on mumsnet about me and my family, without saying my mumsnet nickname. I suspected if I approached her about returning the item she would say much more and reveal my name, so I let it pass.

the witch face!! are you under an alias now?

I would never let on if I knew someone on here, I think that would be rude! I would also never disclose anything that they said either. Sigh, it is a pity your friend is so childish. Not to return items is stealing and I would be tempted, if they were valuable, to get the police involved. Don't worry about what she might say on here, we're all far too canny to fall for rumours and untruths. Just tell us what name she is using and she'll be cold-shouldered until she returns your goods!

coddy, that isn't true! you changed your name because you thought your previous one would be too obvious to friends....
or at least thats what you told me!

I have been discovered by a woman who dislikes me and she printed off some stuff that I'd posted and showed it around to her friends. So, all she's done is proved that she's a mad stalking b-from hell, right?

Definitely Cam. Is this the one from the playground? Hasn't she got a life of her own?

No. (Hope she's reading this)

I don't think I'd care. I usually say what I mean anyway. Though I'd have to go back through my posts to be sure....

If I had something really personal I would def change my name.