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Original poster

spitting mad/sad/god knows

67 replies

ggglimpopo · 04/09/2005 14:07

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Heathcliffscathy · 05/09/2005 22:00

agree with most posts on here....i lied to my parents about where i was quite early on and they found out and i was grounded for a month....but it didn't stop me lying to them in the future: i wanted to be places they didn't want me....

i had sex in my school uniform with my then boyfriend when i was banned from seeing him during the week as i had said i was at debating society.

my mum went to his parents in the hope that they would stop us shagging but we still did.

you really can't do much about who she hangs out with/sleeps with.

but you can stop giving her money and explain to her that until she starts behaving in a way that takes you into consideration as much as you do her you are not prepared to support her.

has she got a tv/playstation or something that you can just take away?

might work.

sorry that it is so awful for you. can only imagine what ds will have up his sleeve for us (our thoughts are probably being majorly right wing/extremely evangelical christian as those are the only things that we feel we would be totally wound up by )

Original poster
ggglimpopo · 06/09/2005 07:40

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Original poster
ggglimpopo · 06/09/2005 07:40

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jac34 · 06/09/2005 07:50

I agree with Colditz,

Also, if she has to work on the weekend there will be less time for running around with the unsuitable boyfriend.

Original poster
ggglimpopo · 06/09/2005 08:05

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Earlybird · 06/09/2005 08:20

Are the rules at home clear? Does she know what you expect of her? Are there clearcut rewards/consequences if she behaves well, or misbehaves?

Are there any priviledges she can "earn" at home for good behaviour? Or withdraw if necessary? Seems to me you need to identify what is important to her, and use that as leverage. Good behaviour means she gets to do/have those things.

Is there anything she really wants that she can work toward - for example, a certain kind of holiday/day out, clothing, etc? Sort of a teenage version of the pasta jar?

It must be so hard, and I don't have any experience or answers. I know even with dd (4.5) that I sometimes do so many special things with her anyway in our everyday lives (trips to zoo, new toy periodically, etc), that I unwittingly eliminate the concept of rewards - she gets the treats as a matter of course, instead of as a reward. So, I think I need to take my own advice!

Do you know the boy's parents, and if so, can you have a conversation with them?

HappyDaddy · 07/09/2005 07:33

Have you invited him round for dinner yet? Complimented his hair / make up / jewellery / table manners? You play footsie under the table with him and he'll be off like a shot! Or she'll dump him if she thinks he fancies you!

Original poster
ggglimpopo · 07/09/2005 09:53

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Original poster
ggglimpopo · 07/09/2005 09:57

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motherinferior · 07/09/2005 10:14

GGG, my one consolation is the rather paradoxical one I always offer; that I was a very good girl, really, as a teenager. Did the odd bit of going to parties but in the main I did exactly what I was expected to do, did frightfully well at school etc...

...and then I left home, didn't speak to my parents for the next couple of decades if I could help it, and footled around with my life in a rather depressed way for a fair bit of that time too.

She will come through it, if she's acting it all out now.

Nightynight · 07/09/2005 11:26

motherinferior - that is so like me!
Rebellion at 16 may be awful, but at least its normal.

Am waiting now with bated breath to hear if he has indeed dumped her, and how the situation will develop.

Ive just realised that the teens will last for a SOLID 14 YEARS in our household if my maths is correct.

Janh · 07/09/2005 12:19

It is completely normal, in fact required, gggl - and I read somewhere that the more they rebel the more firmly embedded are the standards they were raised with, which they will remember once they've got over themselves - something to look forward to but no comfort now, I know, it is hell to live with...

Nighty-night, don't panic, they don't behave like this constantly between 13 and 20, there are peaceful interludes

Original poster
ggglimpopo · 07/09/2005 12:19

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Original poster
ggglimpopo · 07/09/2005 12:21

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Janh · 07/09/2005 12:22

Try this

Janh · 07/09/2005 12:30

Or this

It is a steep learning curve!

Nightynight · 07/09/2005 17:20

ggg, the 14 years is between my eldest and youngest hitting 13. There will be a few months when we will have 4 teenagers in the house at once. at 42 years worth of teenagers!

That is a very interesting point about standards being firmly embedded. I never rebelled as a teenager, but have rejected many of the ideas I was brought up with (eg racism). I'd like to think that that was evidence that sub-consciously, I was rejecting them much earlier than I thought.

Im almost beginning to HOPE that my children rebel now!

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