It's that time of day

[mistyblue]

Anyone else get to this time of day and can't take it anymore.Still waiting for dh to get in so i can say right they are all yours.He said he would be in at 6.30,still no sign.Ds and dd are running around like mad things and doing everything they can to annoy me.

Already today they have drawn over walls and furniture,ds covered dd in muck from the garden all in her hair,chucked muck all over the kitchen floor and all over the patio.Drenched the patio and made mud pies.I go to stop one of them playing up and the other one is getting into mischeif as soon as my back is turned.

You get to the point where you want to run out the door and I know it's an awful thing to say but their voices just go through you when they are playing up and you just want to scream.

Where do they get that burst of energy from at the end of the day?

And to top it all of i suspect dh has popped to the pub after work to unwind.Agghhhhhhhhhhhh

Mistyblue - I think you have to put YOURSELF first - even before your children. You can only be there for them if you are well yourself. Keep talking to your therapist - anyone would have anxiety living with what you are living with - it's not troubling her with marriage problems. It's also not childish to feel that your husband is spoiling your time with your children - he is - because drinking the way he does affects every member of the family, directly or indirectly and eventually the whole family gets sick. That's why I suggested Al-anon to you, and I've now found the link to the UK website www.al-anonuk.org.uk/ You are powerless over his drinking and he will only be able to see what he is doing when he is ready to see it. That may be now, but it may not be. Have you ever suggested he goes to Alcoholics Anonymous? He may not agree, but at Alanon YOU can get some support so that his drinking doesn't affect you the way it is doing at the moment. I don't know whether I could live with someone in an active addiction but I am married to someone who is recovering in a 12-step programme. Things are ok for us just now, but I have to take things a day at a time.

FWIW - at first I though my DH was a complete selfish twat - now I believe he was a very sick person.

Thanks Lydismum I will take a look at the al-anon site you recommended .

I know i need to sort myself out and have told Dh this as i say I am their main carer and I need to do this.He just says i am selfish and to sort my shit out.

Am glad things are going well for you at the moment.How long did it take for your DH to recognise he needed help and get on a programme?

When I confronted him with what he was doing he did something about it straight away - I did say I wasn't prepared to live with an active addict though. I am a recovering alcoholic myself and there is no way I would put my sobriety/sanity at risk.

Lydiasmum-As I said previously my DH has been like this in varying degrees since I have known him for 13 years and not once in that time has he seeked help.Even when things have got really bad.
He has been known to fall out of bed on a glass and cut himself and come home with grazing and cuts down his arm which he does not now how it happenend.Probably fell over trying to get home.
That last instance happened only a few months ago.
I don't think he will ever recognise this as a problem and am worried it will take something awful to happen to him before he does.

My oldest brother died a couple of years ago,drink related.He was a bit of a loner and only kepy in touch occasionally.After he lost his job he fell to pieces ,hid it really well and was found in his flat alone and had died through drinking.Typing this it's like i am talking about someone else as i still think of my big brother alive and well somewhwere.I hate myself ,had spoken to him a few days before he died and he rang me which he had never done before so I think he knew.

My dd was born in the may 03 and he died aug 03.
Even after this I thought MAYBE dh would think twice about what the alcohol could be doing to his health,it's not just his behaviour drink affects.Especailly now he has a family and how dificult it would be for me to live with someone drinking like this,a constant reminder of my darling brother.
But no,Obviously did'ny enter his head.

Just wanted to say well done Lydiasmum for giving up the drink,you are right to not let him jepordise all your hard work. xx

Just noticed your message about the Seville trip. Typical selfish alcoholic behaviour IMO. TBH I would be glad to get him out of the way. If he stays at home he will probably feel resentful, go down the pub and then as well as getting no help with the kids you will most likely get abuse from him too. Not a great solution but at least you hve a chance of having a nice time with your kids while he is away. 2 + 4 are hard ages aren't they? I've only got the one DD, but it was hard work when she was 2 - I used to blame her for all my troubles, little poppet - I honestly didn't know it was the drink.

I've come back to check on you mistyblue!
Glad you had the courage to ring.
It sounds as if you are coming to the conclusion that this is not the life you want for yoursel and the children.
The Seville hotel episode demonstates that the family seem just as selfish as the son.
Please listen to rickman.I know she was very brave and has been an inspiration and source of support for a lot of women on MN>

Also very sad to hear about your brother. Please don't blame yourself but I understand how you feel. Both my sisters are alcoholics (now in recovery) but it was awful watching them destroy themseves with alcohol - this was before I knew I was going to have a problem with drink myself.

Thanks moondog and Lydismum

I agree that if he did'nt go to Seville he would have been a nightmare and felt left out .He has a sister and 2 brothers who are going,but don't have any of the problems we have to contend with.
Your right he would have resented me if he did'nt go and I am sure his parents would have as well.

I will take on board what you have all said and will take in Rickmans advice.I have seen her name on threads before and always seems to give good advice.She does seem like an inspiration to go it alone,I don't think i am that brave!!

Have been told the therapist will be back in tommorrow at 11pm so will ring back then.

Dh has not sent an e mail to me today.He can't even be bothered to say sorry nowadays.
Will just have to wait and see what time he gets in tonight.

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Morning Rickman-Am feeling a bit numb today.Dh did come home straight from work last night but trying not to sound negative have been here before.Normally after his has been out on a bender he comes home the next night then things tend to slip back again.Tried talking to him last night but he is stil unware ther is anything wrong in what he does.So until he can see that I can't see a way forward.

My ds has his appointment with a speciallist today for his speech delay.He was referred by his therapist who wants a second opinion although she has mentioned he may have verbal dyspraxia.
Not sure how long it wil be until we know for certain.Feeling really anxious.

I am sure you are an inspiration to a lot of mumsnetters ,I find it hard sometimes with 2 children can't imagine having to deal with 4.

Am trying to stay positive ,but I know I need to sit down with DH this weekend and have a serious talk about where we go from her.Can't keep brushing it under the carpet.It's just when you have a few good days you think things will be ok and don't want to rock the boat by bringing up all the negative stuff again.But then it all goes wrong again and you are back to square one.

Well ,here we go again.Ok so it's only 7pm but no sign of DH yet and the children have suddenly decided it's time to play mummy up.

It's unbelievable .He managed to come home last night on time I suspose I should be gratful ,I knew he would'nt be able to manage 2 nights in a row.

Wonder how long he will be tonight ?

I keep saying this but I know this has got to stop.
Getting tears in my eyes as I am typing this and thinking to myself "I can't do this anymore"
The amount of times I have thought that!

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Surprisingly yes Rickman.He got in at 7.15pm.Had been to the pub but just annoyingly merry and not paraletic like the other night.
Still not acceptable as far as I am concerned.God I sound really strict.
Maybe my confidence is coming back bit by bit.

Well it's Friday,7.30pm
Groundhog Day.
DH is not home yet and yet again I am left to deal with the dinner and bedtime routine whilst he is in the pub.Well I assume that's where he is as surprise surprise he is not answering his phone again.

Maybe I should use this mumsnet thread as my personal diary to record just how many times he does go to the pub and how late he is each time.
Maybe if I see it in black and white so to speak I can see just how unreasonable this situation is.Although I know the answer to that already.

Already been out till 11pm on tuesday,7.15pm last night and the week before 4 nights out of 7 one until 11.15pm

This is slowly driving me insane.
I am constantly thinking through how many times he has been to the pub,how late he was and how drunk he was.Then I have to contend with the mental abuse.

I just feel like ringing up his parents and telling them to phone him up and get him to sort himself out.I am the mad one in their eyes and they have no idea.