Do your really have to ...

[Hattie05]

give permission to dp/dh to do things? I notice a lot of threads here being should i shouldn't i allow dp to.....
Is it just the way the written language makes it sound, or do people really live in a world where they have to have each others 'permission'.

Or am i just a bit too laid back?

you're probably like me hattie.

same here too

I do what I like.

DH does what he likes.

But with my permission ofcourse...

myturn - do you need his permission too? if you want to do something??

Absolutely not!! He knows who wears the trousers...

glad to hear i'm not alone! Yes i do what i like, dp does what he likes, and i'm happy if hes happy vice versa.

Couldn't imagine what life would be like if i said to him, actually i don't think i can allow you to do that or vice versa!

Being serious though, I do what I like to a degree. I wouldn't do something that I know or would imagine would upset or worry dh even if I would like to. And vice versa.

I'd reply....but DH won't let me

Get out that permission slip then!

If I don't withhold permission for dp to do some things then

a)We would be living in absolute poverty. he used to ask me questions like "Can I spend that £80 on 2 playstation games?" He meant the money for the council tax

b)It is quite possible his mother would be living here part time, to take care of ds while I am at work

c)Chips would be on ds's plate every meal, every day. I buy the food because of this, I also "broke" the deep fat fryer.

d)Our house and garden would be a complete and utter tip, as if I don't make him do things, he simply will not do it eg I have been waiting 18 months for him to finish putting a fence up in our garden.

e) Ds would never get a bath, as I do late shifts, andf left to his own devices, dp would not bath ds.

Basically, I would end up doing all the housework, all the childcare and paying for everything too. If I "allowed" it. However, with me to kick his arse he is quite a good father and partner.

Message withdrawn

Ahh yes, training is a different thing altogether
So long as you don't ask him permission to train him its ok.

For example
I have trained dp on

how to hang a towel up after a shower.
how to make a bed if hes the last one up.
how to put his shoes by the front door rather than in the middle of the dining room each evening
how to load a dishwasher and washing machine

but i did not ask his permission for any of it!

i find using a phrase like "hang your towel up bitch" works best.

I let my partner know what I'm doing but needing permission?

Umm no.

colditz..I am shocked about what you say about your dp.

Why Moondog? I assure you it is true. That is how we lived until I took control of the finances, and started leaving lists.

Are you shocked by him or shocked by me?

Oh dear, I have horrified everyone with my strident ranting

No shocked by both really. His uselessness (sorry,just that this is how it comes across)and your patience.
You must love him very much and/or he must make up for it in other areas.

I'm not horrifed colditz and know lots of friends whose dp's are similar. Mine has never had the opportunity

I hear you colditz, I hear you. There would be no veg on plates if I left it up to DH. Nor would bathing take place or hair brushing or suncream.

Agree with hattie re:training lol, though DH hates the term. lol again

He does make up for it, by never ever hinting that I should do more Parent-work because I am a woman, and because I get out on my own whenever I feel like it.

However the tides turned on him 3 weeks after ds was born, I had appalling PND, and I broke a (fully laden!) plate over his head because he told me I was being a hypochondriac.

So, you never know, he may be posting on here one day about his mentally unstable girlfriend who, like, nags him all the time.....

The 'allowed' thing really bothers me too. I'm an adult, I don't need anyone's permission to do anything, thanks very much. Dh would be horrified if I asked him for permission to do something. He doesn't own me and vice versa. Of course, we consult each other about all sort of things - dh is out with some mates tonight and obviously he told me about to check it was convenient and I wasn't planning something else for tonight - but it isn't a question of asking permission. I wouldn't go anywhere near a man who thought he could order me around.

Dh has some Jehovah's Witness cousins. They invited us for dinner once. I went outside for a cigarette. Dh told me later his cousin had been quite shocked and said, to dh, 'I'm amazed you allow Edam to smoke.'! FFS. Felt quite tempted to leave a fag burn, frankly.

Yes, we do ask eachothers permission but it is out of respect for each other rather than either of us being dictatorial.

We are a partnership and decisions are made jointly.

If dh wishes to spend a lot of money on something, go out for the evening without me leaving me to deal with the kids etc etc then he asks me if it is OK. It is tyhe polite thing to do rather than just assume he can do what he likes and stuff what I think.

It works both ways of course. It can also sometimes be a godd excuse if one of us doesn't fancy going somewhere.