Unreasonable?

[aloha]

An old friend of mine told me a while back that she wanted to have a party for her 40th. I've just got the invite. It's to come for dinner at Pizza Express. She's hired a private room, which I've found out costs £50. She has asked everyone to send her a cheque for £36 per person to cover the cost of food and wine and says she'll settle the bill by credit card. I know that the meal is just the normal pizza express menu, not a special set menu. I'm seething and wondering what she'll do with my extra cash, and hoping I'm not subsidising some of her freedrinking and underemployed friends who WON'T be leaving at 10pm to relieve the babysitter and get some kip before ds's 6.30 wakeup call.

Does anyone agree that
a. This is damn cheeky asking everyone to pay for her party?
b. An outrageous sum for a pizza?
c. Not fair to those of us who have to get a babysitter at huge cost (starts at 7pm so will have to get his nanny as she will have to do tea, bath and bed), drive there so one of us (dh!) won't be drinking and so won't consume anything like our money's worth?

Should I....

Not go?
Tell her I want to pay our own bill separately?
cough up and seethe?

Ooh, it's a like a Cosmo Quiz, isn't it?

bk, you sister's do would have made me cross. I am getting increasingly fed up with invitations which necessitate spending an awful lot of money on something you wouldn't choose to do. Let alone having to drive an awful long way to get there.

Personally I agree with jasper, I would never expect anyone to come to a function and put their hands in their pockets.Maybe only to pay for their own drinks if it was not at home.
BK If I was your sil I would of footed the bill for the accomodation aswell.There is no way I could of afforded it but I dont expect people to pay for an invitation and vice versa.
If we have a meet up meal or in a pub we pay for our own that way we know where we all stand without the embarrassment.

BK....Wales???? Why???
Now I come to think of it, I was invited to a 50th some years ago (much older husband of friend) and it was at a hotel. We paid for the accomm but they paid for all the meals and drinks. The hotel was quite cheap but v nice and not too far away. It felt like a treat. For weddings I would expect to pay for accommodation but not for food (obviously!). At our wedding we put up 20 people at our expense in a country house, but we are saints (polish halo)
Jasper, I think you've summed up my mate perfectly!

Yes Bossykate, I do think it's a bit odd of your SIL to invite everyone to Wales & then expect them to pay their own bill - fine if all the guests think it is a wonderful idea, can afford it, arrange childcare etc etc but even if you could pay, some people might prefer to choose to spend a weekend somewhere different. I just think a party at home is a much more appropriate (& simpler!) way to celebrate a birthday.

As with Aloha' original message, it does put guests in a very awkward position if you genuinely like the person involved but can't afford/or wish to pay the sort of expenses mentioned.

Going back to the children's party thing - we would never dream of asking each parent to pay for their own child would we?

Right you lot. Ds second birthday is in September. You're all invited and it's £50 a head, payable, in advance, natch, to me by cheque. Heh, heh, heh...rubs hands and plots to leave country with proceeds....

I have invited some friend to chinese resuarant aon Friday as my birthday is on Tuesday. We always split the bill evenly whenever we go out as a group and there are never any arguments over who had what to eat or drink.
I do think that £36 per head is a bit excessive for Pizza Express. The chinese we are going to on Friday is a bit dearer than usual but will probably cost no more that £25 per head.

LOL Aloha

I think this is a tricky situation - but I would probably go and pay anyway - mind you if she is as bad as you said I would make sure that I get absolutly steaming and spend my £36 on lovely jubbly booze (I don't drink because I don;t have time and am on this stupid diet) that is what I would do!!!

I think youwill find that you cant get a baby sitter

Well, scrolling back a bit here, who thinks the next Mumsnet London meet up has GOT to be the Castello? I used to work at the prestigious and elegant South Bank Polytechnic and we had some unforgettable birthday/Christmas works outings in that restaurant. What a place...(someone working at Hannibal House - DHSS - told me that a memo went round embargoing working lunches there because the participating civil servants smelt so strongly of garlic for the rest of the day).
I cannot believe anyone would profiteer from going to Pizza Express of all venues. You'd have to eat the furniture to approach £36 per head consumption, surely? I think all your instincts are right on this one, Aloha.

I think it depends what the meal/party is for. If I was inviting everyone to a birthday, christening, wedding and they were all coming just to pay homage to me, then I would expect to pay for the meal - might ask for contributions to drinks bill - after all if people come to you for dinner they would usually bring a bottle of wine. But I think it unreasonable to force people to spend money on doing what you want them to do - as Aloha's friend and bk's SIL did. If it was a meet up with friends for no reason other than you mutually wanting to enjoy each others company then a split is in order.

Bossykate I do find your sil's Wales weekend a distinctly odd idea. Just a bit too "me me me " to go down well in our family!

If you throw a party (whether it is for your birthday or just for the hell of it) you are in effect saying to your friends "come round and I'll spoil you".
If you send out invites to a swanky restaurant (or Pizza Express) expecting people to pay it's almost like saying "come and spoil me!" It also strikes me as lazy - you want some kind of party but without the effort/cost.

Oh yes, PLEASE let's do Castello.

Lots of LCP people here - I did some of the short courses there as well. And very good they were too. Especially when followed by a pizza.

And if we claim it's somebody's birthday the waiters will all sing to us with loud guitars, relishing the embarrassment enormously.