Unreasonable?

[aloha]

An old friend of mine told me a while back that she wanted to have a party for her 40th. I've just got the invite. It's to come for dinner at Pizza Express. She's hired a private room, which I've found out costs £50. She has asked everyone to send her a cheque for £36 per person to cover the cost of food and wine and says she'll settle the bill by credit card. I know that the meal is just the normal pizza express menu, not a special set menu. I'm seething and wondering what she'll do with my extra cash, and hoping I'm not subsidising some of her freedrinking and underemployed friends who WON'T be leaving at 10pm to relieve the babysitter and get some kip before ds's 6.30 wakeup call.

Does anyone agree that
a. This is damn cheeky asking everyone to pay for her party?
b. An outrageous sum for a pizza?
c. Not fair to those of us who have to get a babysitter at huge cost (starts at 7pm so will have to get his nanny as she will have to do tea, bath and bed), drive there so one of us (dh!) won't be drinking and so won't consume anything like our money's worth?

Should I....

Not go?
Tell her I want to pay our own bill separately?
cough up and seethe?

Ooh, it's a like a Cosmo Quiz, isn't it?

Have bottled out of saying anything so far. I've known this woman most of my life and she's always been the deep pockets short arms sort, but this kind of took the biscuit for me. However, I am NOT going to send that cheque!

ooh, and some years ago, shortly after I split with a long term boyfriend and was absolutely heartbroken, she phoned him behind my back to invite him for coffee. Why is she my friend?

aloha, for that alone I wouldn't go. But I am a bitter old hag who doesn't forgive easily...

Speaking as another bitter old hag, I suggest you blow her out and go and have a much nicer pizza at Pizzeria Castello round the Elephant (ooh, salivate, yesssssss....)

PS I personally am planning a 41st Prime Number party for next year, having been somewhat incommoded by huge pregnancy this year: presumably at Casa Inferiore, with lots of nice booze provided by me and Fathersuperior, possibly featuring food if we can get round to it. Always allowing I feel In My Prime by then.

Motherinferior - you've really stirred up some memories for me about 'Pizzeria Castello round the Elephant'. Used to work at the Colege of Printing and we had our Christmas parties there. Gosh I can really recommend that place for a great knees up, and the panettone for pudding was fabulous!

Aloha - your'friend' needs a good dose of reality IMHO, I think you should save your money and SPEND IT ON YOURSELF (like that ever happens when your a parent..... ).

I haven't been to Castello since I was doing a course in journalism there, when dinosaurs roamed the earth... was it me dancing on the table or someone else....

hi everyone, just wondering what everyone thought. if you invite/organise a meal for friends at a restaurant, would you expect to pay for everyone or to split the bill? just wondering as a number of people have commented they would pay for everyone. have to say i would expect to split it!

aloha, not a comment on your specific situation, which i think is out of order, just curious.

One friend of mine pays for all the booze. Mind you she always finds somewhere nice and affordable for everyone, I suspect she subsidises the poorest people there, and she's incredibly generous as well.

Can't stop thinking about pizza now.

!beetroot re the wedding! I hope he didn't?! Bk, if I invited people to dinner in a restaurant for my birthday I'd expect everyone to pay for themselves. If I could afford it I probably would pay for booze or something but I don't think it would be expected.

BK, generally I would expect people to pay for themselves in a restuarant. I think the problem here is that Aloha's friend is demanding an excessive sum of money relative to the actual cost of the meal. I can't begin to see how dinner for two at a PE could cost £72. I would also stress no presents if people are already paying for themselves.

Personally, I wouldn't send an invitation to a birthday party and then charge (especially in advance!). If I wanted to see a lot of people I might arrange a meet up but I would expect to split the bill on the night, and I would probably pay for a few bottles of fizz or something. My hen night was like that.

aloha, just wanted say once again i wasn't specifically commenting on your situation, as i have already said (more than once), i don't think what your friend has done is really on, too expensive and shouldn't expect a cheque upfront imo.

aloha, just wanted say once again i wasn't specifically commenting on your situation, as i have already said (more than once), i don't think what your friend has done is really on, too expensive and shouldn't expect a cheque upfront imo.

Sorry BK I wasn't having a go at you at all - just agreeing - in a bitter and twisted way - that splitting the bill isn't unacceptable.

sorry, must be feeling a bit super-sensitive atm...

I have to agree with princesspeahead, surely if you are 'hosting' a party, in honour of your own birthday you pay for it? If you can't afford a restuarant, which is obviuosly very expensive, do something at home. For my 40th (a few years ago now ) I had a party at home & laid on all the food & drink. You could always state 'bring a bottle' on the invites if that would help. I think it's a damn cheek to be asked to celebrate someone's birthday and fork out such a large amount.

It is a totally different situation if a few friends get together, by agreement, to go to a restaurant and then, obviously, the bill should be split (on the night) but I can't stand all those arguments about who had what and then some people are really mean about tipping ........!

PS Thinking back to the childrens' party thread perhaps we should all ask the parents to pay in advance for their children to attend!

well, you needn't celebrate a birthday somewhere which costs a lot more than somewhere you would normally go with friends and just expect to split the bill... some of you are very generous!

lindy, that analogy is interesting. if i organised a party for ds somewhere outside our house where there was a cost per head, i wouldn't expect their parents to pay in that instance.

for my sil's 40th b'day last year, she invited friends and family to a weekend at a hotel in wales. they paid for the birthday dinner, but the guests were expected to pay for the accommodation. what seems unreasonable to me not that they didn't pay for the hotel as well (which by logical extension some might expect, given that they were hosting the event)but that they had to drag everyone to bleedin' wales despite the fact all the guests lived in the south east!

personally I would never invite friends to a restaurant as my birthday celebration unless I was flush enough to be able to afford to foot the bill.
I'd rather have a do at home and provide all food and drink myself (although most people would bring a bottle)
I have always thought it slightly mean of people to invite you to "their " birthday party in a restaurant where you are obviously required to pay your share.It somehow says "ooh, come and make a fuss of me and pay for it too" or am I just old fashioned?
My fab sil gave me a party in her house as my 40th present.

but in my sil's case do you think she should have paid the hotel bill as well? am rapidly coming to the conclusion i'm a mean old tightwad!

bk, in that case add me to the list - among my friends it would be perfectly normal to go out for a meal in celebration of a birthday and simply split the bill - I wouldn't think twice about it (but nor would I book somewhere extra expensive and expect payment upfront - I'm still wondering how a Pizza Express meal can cost £36??)

I have invited people round in the past, but post-ds I frankly don't have the energy, and surely a birthday party should be enjoyable for the host and not a burden??