Tea room 16 welcome to Shangri-la

[UniS]

Shangri-la = a hidden valley with beautiful views and crystal streams of course, and some inter-far eastern type of chalet things set around a Serene Courtyard with ever-blooming Japanese cherry trees, lots of refreshing fragrant teas, silk cushions, tinkling tiny waterfalls and bonsai trees, Gardens of Tranquillity etc.

Home to teh 16th Tea room, a haven for those with one or more or less children who like cake, tea, talking nonsense and oggling Mellors ( our handyman/ butler). If its your first vist, pull up a cushion .Mind out for the guinea pigs and other pets and do take care not to squash the teeny tiny naked mowhawk babies ( nmbs
, no longer naked and now toilet trained you will glad to hear)as they go about their duties helping Mellors.

Confused... come on, jump in and have a hot chocolate.

Happy 4th of July weekend, ladies! Get out your BBQs and sparklers and fireworks and prepare to party like it's 1776!

Oxeye, yup, there's plenty of people who don't won't or can't care what other people think and who aren't on the autism spectrum.

Tea, indeed so. Since in popular imagination autism = badly behaved boys, anyone who isn't a boy or doesn't display challenging behaviour is generally ignored, even if they fit every criteria for lack of social skills, weird or almost no use of eye contact and desperate quiet panic if rules aren't in place for a situation, etc.

Off on our hols today for a week We've never needed a holiday more...

Enjoy your holiday, amber! May you have good weather and a relaxing time!

It does amuse me slightly when the Brits celebrate American Independence Day - it appears that all historical context is lost in the overwhelming desire for a party! Does it amuse you too Scout?

We are actually going to a party this Sunday, a barbecue to boot, but it's a birthday one. And we're not allowed fireworks, they're illegal outside of big public functions except in ACT (Canberra).

I don't know any Brits that celebrate Independence Day. I must be hanging out in the wrong circles! I always celebrate, in some form or fashion. One year I baked loads of cakes and stuck flag toothpicks in them, or made a flag using berries, and cookies (cut out like flags and decorated red/white/blue) and work put them on a table surrounded by my US flag decorations. When I started at the place I am now, I just made loads of cookies and sent an email around. Though two weeks later one of the director-types said to me "Are you American? Really? I thought you were Canadian -- you're too nice to be American!" He clearly didn't read the email I sent around about "my country's birthday so come celebrate with treats." I've never made it to any of the big ex-pat parties in London so typically make my own fun. (For several years we did American-themed Guide nights to celebrate.)

Package from home! Package from home! Package from home came today!!!!

What's in the package???? We got one yesterday. French grandmother had been sewing and has sent three exquistit little 1950's style dresses for Wriggle (who is young enough to love them even without a Disney princess on the front) and a hand-made skirt for me. And a bar of nougart.

I am so sorry I moan so much. I just don't have anyone else to moan to. But it is not right and paints a (hopefully erroneous) picture of my family life as awful and me as a total self-pitying misery.

I have a friend who says that before marrying you should look at the relationship between the parents of your prosective spouse, because this will be what they will reproduce. DH's parents had a seriously emotionally abusive relationship, where his father was totally domminant. Mine had a relationship where my mother did everything for my father and made allowances for everything - but he had only one arm and suffered very badly from post traumatic shock and depression. she also looked after her own family during the war when they were deported, being left, apparently, with all the unpleasant jobs, such as killing chickens and even her sister's horse . Her father was very intelligent, charming, impractical and totally unreasonable - he was a gifted conjuror and hypnotist - and her mother had to do everything for the family .... and so it goes on, even unto the seventh generation.

Now , the mother of said mother of Aged Parent was born in Silesia in the late 1890s and had to give her baby away because her husband was killed in a logging accident just before the baby was born and she couldn't manage with all the children alone ... I think I am really on to something here. Don't marry until you have totally researched the family history. (Possibly too late for most of us)

Racing, I am sure that I speak for everyone, when I say that that you can moan as much as you like here. And you certainly don't sound self pitying.
And sometimes you just need to get things off your chest, and feel better for that. I wish I had friends to have a coffee with and do that in RL, but a nice coffee in the tearoom works beautifully.

Very true about repeating your parents relationship - fortunatly my mother told me about this as she had had to deal with my father. Bless him, he had a terrible childhood as my grandmother was in and out of hospital with psychotic episodes, and my grandfather wasn't exactly nice.

But maybe being a little less understanding and accepting of M. Racings foibles might not be a bad thing ? DH's learnt social graces do tend to slip with me (he is not hot on noticing tone of voice or some other non verbal cues unless he is looking for them), but I have short shrift for being spoken to like that and pull him up straightaway as I don't want cmotiddler to learn to use stroppy behaviour or tones.

Peace and tranquility from work today as the US contingent are all off for long weekends. Apart from a request for an online meeting a 6.00 tonight. I have pointed out before that between 5 and 7 this is very difficult without interruptions, but they always forget

COmpletely agree with CMOTD - RS if you can't moan on here, where else is there? Please carry on as much as you need to.

Also agree with RS re. repeating family situations. I can hear myself turning into my mother - I don't know how because I always thought I would do it differently but no! There it is. Programmed in at a visceral level - I get the trigger, they get the response.

I wish I knew how to control it - same as my temper - you know when people say count to 10 before you lose it, I don't get the chance. There is no blue touch paper, it's straight into the gunpowder. I think I am actually missing a layer - I am a bit oversensitive on all senses - and that makes me a bit hyper-reactive. How does one grow another layer?

Anyhoo - you need to feel sorry for MrThumb rather than me, he's the one who cops it in this house (but then he does enjoy winding me up so he cops it rather more than he needs to).

It is so true about repeating family patterns or having constantly to make a huge effort to unlearn the things you have absorbed in your childhood. I think I have intimated before that my mother is an atrocious nag very firm in expressing what she wants and I vowed at an early age that I would not follow in those particular footsteps. Which means that I mention some household task to SmallBloke, he says fine and then six months later it's still not done and I'm at risk of a heart attack. SmallBloke's parents (although I did not know them for very long) seemed to have a very different relationship in which his dad was very much head of the household and everything revolved around meeting his needs - dad came first all the time. I often think that at some unconscious level SmallBloke is surprised that our household runs to slightly different rules.

Anyway, Racing, I do realise that when you let off steam it's when you're feeling particularly exasperated with MonsieurSnake and you do have many happier moments. But I agree with Oxeye that he does seem to dump all his frustrations and anger on you. Maybe he does have traits which might place him somewhere on the spectrum but surely he has some insight into his behaviour? You mentioned once that you thought he might also be depressed but he was resistant to seeing a doctor and I believe that it's sometimes the case that people with health issues enjoy and exploit the power that that gives them in relationships. SmallBloke'sMum certainly did that after her operation, when she refused to do very simple tasks which were well within her abilities because she had adopted the persona of an 'invalid' on whom everyone had to dance attendance. Is there any element of that with MonsieurSnake?

Please don't feel you can't vent here. You don't sound self-pitying. You do sound remarkably resilient, kind and patient. Revenge Cake Eating is a good approach - I would veer between sulking and aiming the frying pan at SmallBloke's head.

A chilled pea and lovage soup and lewd roll for lunch, anyone?

That soup is really good Smallbunch - a taste of summer!

Amber - and Mary - I do find your posts so interesting - and Amber you do make things so understandable!

RS - I have a lovely friend who was living with a partner for about 4 years. It wasn't until she left that she let on that he was a different person to her when in private. We knew he was a bit odd sometimes - but it transpired that despite her having a full-time (professional) job which required an hour commute both ways, she was still given the shopping list and criticised if the correct type of pork pies were not available, even though he didn't have a job (family money). She tells me that he could be being an absolute B* to her and, when anyone else turned up, immediately switch on a different personality. Everything had to be just so etc etc - she wondered if he had aspergers to some degree, although he could clearly communicate effectively. I'm not saying that M. Snake is remotely like this - but it could be that he is a little way along the path...

Lucky me ended up with TWO packages today. The second was a Guiding Centenary sweatshirt I ordered (probably only exciting to me). The one from home was a BIG box full of glamourous things like clothes, treats and spouty cups for BabyScout and treats for me (and the missing skirt I wanted the other week). Also a couple of things I bought in the States in May that didn't make the suitcase -- flag cupcake papers, a US flag pinwheel for BabyScout's stroller (he LOVES it) and a shirt I bought for me. I LOVE packages!!! (RS, was the package as exciting for you as it was for me?)

What is it about pedistrians and cyclists in old university towns that think they own the bloody road?!?! The number of people that stepped/rode out in front of me today while I was trying to get in/out of town was unbelieveable!! And the number of young, able-bodied PITA people that refused to move for a stroller drove me crazy. I'm sorry you have to swerve a bit, but it's so much easier for you to move, Love, then for me to drop BabyScout in his stroller off the curb and into the traffic just so you can keep walking in a straight line! There's a wonderful sidewalk here with three lines of foot traffic walking in your direction and only one in mine, forcing me into the street because you won't move your a$$. Can you not see the baby stroller, the shopping bag, the mother pushing said stroller giving hot/tired/thirsty/whingy baby his spouty cup and trying to avoid being knocked onto the road and in front of the on-coming bus?!

(And breathe....)

Scout, hiw about one of those pointy things they have on the front of trains in Western films? I think they are called cow catchers. You could attach one to the front of the pushchair. Or sythes on the wheels, as Boudicca probably did not have.

Thank you all for your tolerance. I don't think M.Snake is in any way aware of his behaviour, but he does appear to be thinking of going away for a weeksomewhere on his own next Feb, which I am strongly encouraging. That is when he seems to be at his lowest; summer is much better. Don;t know whether this is self-awareness or coincidence though.

Oooo, yes, cow catchers. Very good. I can ask the Guides to make me one!

Cow catchers are great. As are steel bumpers (oxeye remembers an occasion when she skidded Oxboys expedition vehicle and it was the cow catchers that saved us)
racing. You don't complain much at all. And as cmot says thats what we are here for. In part.

Scout envious of parcels. I haven't had proper post for ages.

happy weekend chums. Now are we going to try and meet next sat? There is the worlds largest dance attempt from trafalgar sq to south bank going on if you fancy it xxx

Aw Oxeye, I'd send you a parcel. Is Oxboy in age 4 clothes still ? If so, I have lots of outgrown things which need a home

We, on the other hand, have an intimate relationship with the Interlink, Citylink, DHL, Fedex and UPS drivers. Partly due to our joint Amazon habits, and partly as DH frequently sends his files hither and thither, and they return again.

I'm up for next Saturday !

Even before I was preggers, if I saw a woman with a stroller I moved out of her way. Most strollers nowdays are tanks and are hard to steer -- best to just get out of their way!

Went to get a pasty while we were out and about in old university town and three young ladies absolutely refused to move out of the way to let me out of the shop and were trying to climb over me and BabyScout to place their order. They made some rude comment about "There's a gap up there...." to which I said "If you move out of my way you can get to it." One girl took a half step over and I said "I'm going to run over your foot -- move!" Honestly! The woman behind the counter was really helpful, realized it's a small shop/counter and I couldn't successfully navigate down it and back (wanted to eat outside to avoid going up the steps to the inside seating area), so she went to the cooler to get my drink, didn't make me "slide down" to pay and collect my pasty and drink. ARGH!!!

Trying to pack for an all-day outdoor adventure with Guides tomorrow. BabyScout requires LOADS of stuff!

A meet-up next Saturday?

I can probably join you in the late afternoon but, alas, my time before that is already spoken for.

Would anyone else care for a Bolly? There's another, more hygienic bottle.

is it ok for me to come in? I'm very upset at myself for upsetting Amber, and wondering what craziness overtook me that I told her what my dh thought with regards to autism and love, I have no idea what I was thinking, of course it would upset her, it should.

Scout - When I was at the loved up dating phase with DH we spent the day in an old university town. A rather sweet middle aged, frumpy woman was riding her bike past us. DH being French looked the wrong way and crossed the road infront of her.

"Ooooiiii" She called out in a Hycinth Bucket voice "YOU are a F*ing cretin!"

We will still be retelling that story when we are very very old because the words were so shocking from her!!!!

Saturday - to be honest if I can be there I will but I don't know what will be happening with my friend's Mum so am afraid of saying a 100% yes. Make it a 95% yes!

evening all.
what a nice evening that was sat in the courtyard with pims or beer and a good bit of yattering on about not much and everything. I could almost have believed I was in the tea room, rather than a friend in teh villages back yard.

We even had a comedy carrot moment from the pottager.

hot choc and pop corn on teh side.

Oi Scout, its not July 4th YET, theres my birthday to celebrate first.

tea Sounds like my one and only date with DH. Was still on my first UK visit, had come up to said old university town to visit DH and he took me to a pub along the river for dinner. It was a late-ish dinner, and during the week in the summer, so a bit quieter than other times. We sat outside to eat. Some very drunk students came up and kept asking us if we were "in love" and were we going to "go home and have a good f*k." Kept repeating the f*k phrase and eventually got moved along by someone working for the pub. About two minutes later we heard an almighty splash and lots of swearing and then another splash stupid drunk boys fell in the river. HA! We still laugh about it when we go by that pub.

oxeye -- I'm sure I could rustle up something to send you a package. Do you fancy anything or just a surprise?

small -- Pass the bottle, please, I think I need it!