Tea Room the Fourteenth

[amberlight]

Welcome to the 14th instalment of the Tea Room. It's now officially spring, and we've moved the tea room to a Gipsy caravan pulled by the tea room horses, which is making its way up the countryside in an effort to follow spring. There are of course hedgerows filled with spring flowers, Mellors the handsome gardener/driver/handyperson, the usual virtual Bishops, and the assorted animals and characters from previous tea rooms. All are very welcome to join in with us parents of one (or indeed more!) for general chat and the occasional very odd conversation. Climb aboard, grab a cuppa, enjoy the view, relax!...

Nope, I'll be out at an autism conference thingy, listening to something scientific.

nope - although I still have my UK passport, haven't lived there for 15 years. But was curious about the fact that all my students had watched the first one with interest - even though they live in a different country.

Yes, I feel a bit odd about the Mainly Music, although it's about the only group around here that has any kind of structure - and apart from this one woman I've had no difficulty at all (they gave me 2 little mother's day gifts, for the 2 mums in our house, for example - these little acts of recognition really mean a lot to me )

In other news...we ditched the formula from C's diet and cut her to one bottle, and gradually the poo nightmare is abating. I've never been so delighted about the state of another person's poo before, and don't expect to be so again

Remind me never to post on "one child" threads apart from this one, will you, please?

Of course, you DO know the reason I'm really here is that I'm secretly trying to evangelize you all?

Seriously though, it can be annoying, and I've been on the other end of it, although now when it happens I find it quite amusing "Have you personally acknowledged Jesus as your Lord and Saviour?" me - "Yes, I'm a minister in the C of E, actually" . That doesn't seem to stop the JWs who come round on a regular basis (I invite them in for coffee and evangelize them about autism) - although telling them I'm a Catholic has always worked in the past

I'm quite happy to talk about my faith and offer to pray for anyone who would like to hear about it or be prayed for, but I don't force it on anyone.

TandE, what have you been up to???

Mary, yup re the faith thing.

T&E, I've added my considered thoughts to the topic.

Ooo, we've now made it on "most active"

cor, active! Mary have no problem with religion ( my ex is a C of E vicar too, actually), and like quite a lot of things about it (have often wondered why I work on 16th and 17th century stuff which is all about religion ) - but do think it's up to individuals to determine their own views.

T&E - what's been going on

Thumb Much sympathy for your computer woes. I hope you some (or all!) of your stuff back. Having had a similar experience more than once (I use laptops in the archives I haunt), I have now invested in a 1terabyte external Hard drive (I take photos of the archival documents, I havee tooo many bytes of info). I save everything on a USB memory stick and then when it is full I put in on the HD. Then I pass it on to my office computer every time I remember (which has another external HD, for the excess bytes you understand). My advice is never store stuff on a lap/netbook. They are always going wrong. The USB memory stick can be stuck permanently in your computer and so you can completely bypass the computer's hard drive. You can get them in 12 GB these days.

Drivingmisscrazy Where are you? I am in Mexico (for 11 years so far). I am ussally faintly diverted by the British general election as it is so restrained and polite and actually quite transparent. Not like the bear-fight, vote-buying type we have here. I am currenly vteless in both countries (not good for some one as politically minded as myself). We have state elections in July but I have lost my voter id card and it now cannot be replaced until after.

Oh and you don't want to live here and be an athesist. Well, I am one, but it is difficult. Any goodbye or plan made hereis always finished with the depressing phrase "If God wills it". I have taken to replying that I shall do X if God wants me to do it or not. But I get shocked and bemused looks. We have the RCs, the evangelical protestants, JWs, Mormons and more besides. Most of whom seem to pass by my door weekly. Sigh. When I say I don't believe in God, they ask "if God believes in me". Which is a daft question, but apparently the one they have been taught to ask. Often I just lie and say that I am throughly convinced by the arguments, take the leaflets, promise to go to the church/temple and let them go away happy.

Opps, mamoth post. And I never asked after Donk's Dad nor CMOT's dad. How are they faring today?

catita, Ireland! So lots of 'god willing' etc, but mostly only from the older folks.

yes, and sympathies to all of you with poorly parents - my 76 year old mother is mostly in fine fettle, but I know that the time when she won't be gets closer and closer

Trowel, sorry you got caught up in my other post......didnt mean for such an innocent ask for opinions and thoughts to lead to that mess! (offers tea, cake and haribo star mix by way of apology).

We have Mainly Music here too, I take little kitten to it mainly because all her little 2s group friends go, and its one activity that doesnt require the car! Living rurally has its drawbacks sometimes. I do feel a tad awkward when they sing about biblical things as I'm not religious, but I figure that religion is a personal choice....and little kitten can make up her own mind when she's older. Its good to expose her to different people/beliefs etc. Plus its all home made cakes and chit chat while the organisers look after the tots.

On the plus, visit to ex work place went well. Rain held off so I did not resemble a drowned rat, little kitten behaved impeccably and there was real coffee and biscuits, bought in my honour. I am blessed. They were jaffa cakes.

Driving - Somleone I know is what my Dad calls a "clappy happy" Christian. She often prays for all kinds of people for all kinds of reasons. When it is my turn I simply take it as a compliment that she cares (even if what she is praying for isn't quite the solution I even want!).

I am in Paris, Driving.... where are yooooouuu???

Aaaah! A nice bucket of tea! Just what a Donkey ordered

Father status: Much the same - the hospice say he has "plateaued" and are now encouraging us to find somewhere else to go - so that someone who actually needs palliative care can have the bed. Fair enough - now that he has weathered the pulmonary embolism and DVT, he is no longer in pain. Just bedridden, frightened and confused. This will not be improved by moving him - but I understand why the hospice want us out at the moment. It is a real waste of their resources.

If there is a bed available in 2-3 months (guesstimated) then he is welcome back for "end-of-life" care

I was so busy gassing on the phone I forgot to push post... hense the massive x-posting!!!

Donki - You are being VERY understanding!!! Where will your Dad go to though??? It sounds a BIG responsibility for family to be caring for him while so poorly. Will you all be OK???

Am just back from Toronto, at work, only popping in for a sec, have not read back, will later though or tomorrow if I can... missed you all, hope everyone is well!
xxJM

Does he have a social worker yet Donki ? They should be able to help you find somewhere appropriate for your Dad to stay. Not sure if there is a Sue Ryder home near you, but they provide really excellent care - one of my relatives had superb care there in the last years of her life, first as respite, and then residential.

we're terribly cosmopolitan on here darlings, aren't we?

hee, hee - I am reading stuff again! for work! It's been such a struggle the last couple of years just to keep everything going that I haven't really been firing on all cylinders.

I feel like a cloud has lifted somehow - I think the 2.5 years (and prequel) of getting DD and managing to get through the early months and DP and I having to not only adjust our lives (as everyone does) but our sense of ourselves and others' expectations of us, plus getting to grips first with realising that I wasn't myself going to have a child and then with the fact that we were only having the one etc etc has been a lot to take on - oh and a miscarriage . Not remotely as hard as some people on here have had it, I know, but probably not as straightforward as a lot of people who decide to have a family.

But I feel good - it helps that DD is just so wonderful at the moment and I feel really connected to her - she's just getting to grips with yes and no, so says 'oh yes' often quite randomly , or 'no, no, no, no' when you sit on her chair. I just love her to bits.

Sorry for the me me me post - think I should go back to my books...

I used to take Wriggle to a Baptist toddler group. Not the tiniest bit preachy, ever; only Christian thing they ever did was give all the children a copy of the Christmas story ... at Christmas. But even so, friends were highly hostile and suspicious. Funny how we (and I include myself) are so much more sympathetic to and tolerant of other religions but not Christianity. I am sort of lapsed CofE, a bit RC (Wriggle has been christened RC) and haven't been to church since Wriggle became impossible in church. I do feel a positive interest in all religions, though, and would love to be prayed for. My Head Teacher does so frequently.

Had the most lovely day today.

Not watching the debate; trying to work out how to use a 'screen turtle' before I have to teach the class tomorrow.

Dad has been allocated a social worker by the hospice - but if we go for the option of 'home' care at his Partner's cousins house, or somewhere (where?) in Leeds, then would need SS to allocate a social worker. Then put together a community team to visit 4 times daily....

Which can take weeks...

Also, this puts a frightening burden on his (admittedly much younger) partner who is away from her own NZ/Oz support network. Her cousin is very generous and helpful, but by herself insufficient emotional support (in my opinion). I judge my father's partner to be close to burn out as it is - although both myself and my mother have been doing our best to travel down and give her breaks.

If we decide to find a nursing home, that might be quicker - but one of the things is that Dad gets very frightened when he wakes up and needs a reassuring known presence quickly. his partner has been staying at the hospice. I don't think that a nursing home could accomodate this need.

There is no right answer. I will enquire about Sue Ryder homes CMOT, thanks for mentioning them.

It didn't help that another cousin of Dad's partner was there saying oh no! you can't consider going 'home'. How can we make a rational decision (even if it has to be for least worst option) if we don't actually consider all options? I understand her concern for her cousin (and in many ways agree) BUT we are at the looking at all options stage. Not helpful to eliminate options without due thought.

Sorry for the long post - venting (just slightly)

And now we have 3 guests arriving for the weekend. And trying to visit Sheffield on Sunday morning (so that small Donkey can go to Beaver scouts' St. George's day parade in Leeds in the afternoon) is a non-starter because it is the Sheffield half marathon.

And the house needs cleaning, and the garden needs urgent attention.

Aaaargh!

Amber - is there room in the priest hole for a donkey?

Donki ? I know little about hospices, but Cmot?s suggestion of Sue Ryder sounds good to me. We have a local one which looks lovely for those who need it.

Cmot - Hoping for improvement for your dad.

Larakitten ? You have nothing to apologise for. Threads about threads are considered Bad Form, I know, so I don?t want to go over it all again, but your thread wasn't a mess. I?m not at all upset, simply frustrated that someone comes along at regular intervals to say (to paraphrase) ?I got what I wanted, tra la, but you lot didn't and are going to be miserable for ever?. It?s not true and it is very discouraging, I think, for anyone who is currently struggling and might like to hear that things can (and very often do) get better. But anyway.

Evangelism. Hmm. I do go to church and I first met Amber and Mary, as best I can remember, on Reluctant Worshippers threads. But I dislike evangelism ? faith (I think) is a personal thing which people need to come to under their own steam. TrowelGirl goes to Sunday school, in part because my hunch is that it is young adults who have had no contact with religion who end up being recruited into wacky cults, living in a compound.

I?ve never heard of Mainly Music and have just looked at their website. I couldn?t find any mention of religion ? is it a specifically Christian organisation? All the toddler groups that we used to go to were in churches (although not the church we attend), but apart from being encouraged to go to the Christmas carol service nobody ever tried to recruit us. We did do a parenting course but it had no religious content. We made a shaker from rice in a plastic bottle.

The election. Those of us who have a vote should use it. Even if we have to spoil our ballot paper. Remember the Pankhursts.

Anyone opened the Bolly yet?

WHAT???

Long post????

If I were in your shoes my shortest posts would be 10, 000 words!!!

Long post away, dear Donk!!! I can't offer any advice but will hold your hoof for as long as you want!

Oops. Took so long to compose that rambling drivel insightful and fascinating post that I missed several others.

Donki - Have just remembered that Macmillan have been very helpful to various family members. Could they help arrange home care, to make things easier for your dad's partner and cousin? Apologies if this is way off beam.

DMC - Voila! Surprise de Twiglet avec son garniture de Hoola Hoops.

Aaaaaah!

Nobody does an Ear Rub like Mellors....

I should be clear - Mainly Music is run in a church by a Church of Ireland group that aims to reach out to the community. Church of Ireland is generally pretty low church (but Mary may have a more informed opinion) and is theologically very liberal (e.g. ordained women before C of E etc). The MM group is generally very low key - as I say, most of the references are to Noah and God making the sky and the sea, which I have no problem with at all. After all, she lives in a Christian country and I went to church and sunday school as a child (still remember the tabernacle we made - it was cool ). It's just this one woman, and it wouldn't be fair to pass judgement either on the C of I (whose liberal ethos makes their schools very attractive to catholic parents) or on Mainly Music. I didn't mean to kick off a big debate, only to say that I felt a bit odd about it - it's just a bit too in my face for my liking.

I also agree that we tend to be respectful towards all religions except Christianity and I am often about how little my students know about their heritage - they wouldn't be able to tell you even 5 of the 10 commandments