Tea Room the Thirteenth

[amberlight]

Welcome to the newest instalment of the One Parent Families tea room. As it's heading for spring, we're now in a nice warm orangery surrounded by woodland filled with spring flowers. All are very welcome to join in with us parents of one (or indeed more!), the tea room gardener/handyman Mellors, various virtual Bishops (don't ask) and a variety of other characters from previous tea rooms. Grab a cuppa, relax!...

I sympathise, I am having real motivation issues. I work from home for myself, so sit at kitchen table with laptop. I think working would be easier if people were working around me. Tea? Newspaper section? Squishy armchair?

A&O, I have got Mellors into his short shorts, ready to accompany you on that run and offer a relaxing massage for afterwards. Anyone else?

Soup and beverages for those in need.

I've not a clue who people are when they change names, so please do forgive me being even more clueless than usual

You're not the only one Amber

I work from home, not for myself, and instead of being in my office, am sat on the sofa as it's a bit chilly in there today.

A massage from Mellors would be lovely. Am still developing muscles for rising trot, and as I had a lesson this morning where that was all I did, I ache already..

I went on my run! Amber did you actually physically dress Mellor in those short shorts, or just ask him to put them on ! He looked very 70's!

Agh, back in priest's hole. Problem with DS at cubs. Why the F don't they listen? KNOWING something is distressing for him and saying that he doesn't have to join in is NOT an acceptable response. Even watching the game was upsetting him, WHY WHY WHY?

They played a game which involved a child being blindfolded, and he is petrified of anyone wearing anything over their face - mask, scarf, disguise whatever . It causes real problems at times, like the time he ran out in the road to get away from someone dressed up.

I stayed with him for half an hour to settle him, but all the time, they continued to play the game. I thought it was safe to leave him when they were doing craft stuff, but he was so upset by then, all he did was scream and cry that he wanted to go home

I can't take much more...

Eek. I have to say, as a Brownie leader, that the first thing that puzzles me is why they would play the same game (any game) for 30 minutes? Surely everybody's bored after 10 minutes. When ds joined Cubs, did you have to fill in a form with details of allergies, health and other needs? I think you need to remind Akela. Again, by the sound of it.

Mary- I think you need a pint of G&T , our local does them.

Motivation, what that? I got none.

Ummm, mellors in short shorts. I do like a nice pair of legs to watch.

bOys birthday cake ended up being round, vanilla flavoured with jam in middle and purple buttercream iceing on top ( not sides) decorated with jelly sweets and smarties. MiL is providing cake for party so no idea what that will be. but todays was just what boy wanted, coz he made it with me.

AND now he is 4 he likes mushrooms and chose to put some on his pizza and ate them and said he liked them. ho hum.

Sorry, UniS, I've lost the plot a bit. Was Boy 4 today? Many happy returns to him. 4 is such a lovely age.

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oh yes he is VERY DEFINATLY 4 NOW. and has been telling everyone we have met all day.

The mushrooms thing is making DH and I LOL ,for months boy has been telling us he won;t eat mushrooms now, "but I will when I'm 4". and blow me down, he has done.

Wants to have some more presents tho, doesn;t think teh kitchen table half covered was enough...

Pressie from us was cricket gloves and pads, he will be given a bat by GPs at weekend. Also had books, magnets,PJs and a holdall from other relatives.

Happy Birthday Baby UniS!

LOL at the mushrooms! Good on him!!!

Mary can't believe your problems, that is no fun at all, but I am at a loss to know what to do. I bow down to Brown Owl in the corner and get a cheeky glimpse of Mellors' skimpy what nots

AandO well done on the run. I have thought about a run. Does that count? Virual fitness and calorie loss?

ok, I am clearly a bit hopeless tonight - how on earth do you do a status update and why would you?!?

Perhaps I am just a cumudgeon who needs to go to bed...

TrowelandError, in Beavers, DS had a leader who was EXCELLENT at anticipating his needs. The first time he went, he spent 20 minutes outside crying in the rain (and he hates rain). The leader, who I suspect only became a leader so she could help DS (she's a friend of mine), really helped to settle him in, was a substitute mum while he was there. She wrote REAMS of notes on the dos and don'ts of DS, and I would say they're not paying any attention. And yes, I completed a health questionnaire as well.

Now they know he's scared of masks. Its to do with the face being covered up, not just his face, but other people hiding their faces. Last night's game was one where they had a boy in the centre, face covered with a scarf, and the other boys sat in a circle, and he had to listen and hear and point out the one who was moving round outside the circle. They played this for at least 1/2 hour, because I stayed from 5:15-5:45 to settle DS. Now it seems they are unable to translate "he hates masks" into "a scarf over the face is a bit like a mask, will that bother him or not?". Or they decide the enjoyment of the majority should not be affected by one child who is upset. I don't know - a possibility? ARGH.

Slept badly, cried for a lot of the night, am a bit calmer now.

Daisy, it's on the My Mumsnet and then Your Details pages. About half way down - User status. Have just added a useful one for me

Mary, very large cuppa for you. Want the tea room duvet to hug?

I think maybe just unable to translate Mary - people think of 'scared of masks' as 'scared of people pretending to be other things' rather than 'scared of face hiding/covering'. Doesn't excuse them not stopping/cutting it shorter than they would otherwise though.

Could you ask to know the next weeks activities so that you can advise them what will be challenging for DS and suggest adaptations ?

MaryBS - really sorry about your experience, sounds horrid. My eldest sister has worked with the Brownies and Guides for over 20 years and I chatted to her about your experience and she was aghast! Please talk to them about this and ensure they make the effort, don't be made to feel like it's special treatment (as can sometimes happen with the less perceptive!), they got it wrong in a big way and he needs to be encouraged and supported back into the activities in order to then gain the confidence to be comfortable and part of the group.

AandO - 100% with you on the money thing, a good accountant is vital! Took me 5 years to find a decent one though.

Sorry JacksMama for the name change confusion, but promise to stick with Mindy for the foreseeable future

BTW had to pop into the tearoom for a solace, a AIBU thread on having a second child is driving me bonkers! Entirely my own fault for getting suckered in though [slap my own face emoticon!)

CMOTs suggestion is good Mary, would they be willing to go through planned activities with you do you think? Poor ds .

Mindy - I just checked the aibu thread, had to leave after just reading a few posts. Don't want to hear people convincing someone to have a second child...I waver on my choice and feel nothing is set in stone, but am happier in my self since I have made a fairly firm leave it at one decision as I can stop obsessing on the subject and move on. Sorry if this is insensitive....I don't know if there are people in the tea room who did not chose to have an only .

Have an accountant but I find the whole thing confusing! I feel I just have to trust the accountant totally as I have no idea what he is on about !

I am going to go for another run today...Amber if you could dress Mellors !

Thanks everyone. I agree he needs to be supported and encouraged back to activities. They know that Aspies need to know what is happening next, but its putting into practice so they can respond to him appropriately. We've had lists before of what is planned, but they're nowhere near detailed enough. For example, last night they were supposed to be making Mother's day cards. It wouldn't have had the details "we're playing a game first, to keep you occupied until we're ready". Not only that, when he asked "what are we doing tonight?" they said "you'll find out later". Now that is another error, particularly as it was said to a kid who is already very upset.

I think I need to talk to my friend who helped him at Beavers. She is at work atm.

How about giving them concrete examples of what DS would like to know - eg

5.30-6.15 Blind mans buff (blindfolded listening game)
6.15-6.45 Mothers day cards - cutting and sticking with daffodils
6.45-7.00 Tidy up, blah, blad

Then you would be able to email back something like: DS finds people with their faces covered scary. He will be OK if we play it like xxx (I don't know - pull a beany hat over their eyes, or a pair of swimming googles with cotton wool in) - shall I bring these with us ? Also, I'll bring some glue sticks as DS finds using liquid glue difficult as hard to get right and doesn't like to get it on his hands. {these are obviously my random thoughts about what he might find hard, and suggestions).

If he liked, he could then have that evenings activities written down to refer to - might be calming to know when the transitions will happen

Yup, they need to take it very very seriously. If a child was blind and asked where obstacles were in the room, e.g. an open hatchway into the basement, how many of them would say "We'll tell you later' and let that child drop down the hatch and get injured? They take other disability needs seriously - they need to wake up to this one.

Last night I didn't know what was going to happen at a meeting, and I was utterly panic-stricken and literally couldn't go until I had been given the advance info I needed. It's not a 'neurotic reaction' on his part, it's an absolute need because of the way our brain wiring overheats and causes such pain if we have to load a lot of data too fast.

amber, would you say that Mary's DS is being discriminated against here? - sounds like it could be said to be that to me. If so, Mary, could you use that as leverage to get them to co-operate more sensitively?

I am feeling down again today, not sure why, think I might be developing PMT or something (never really had it before) - I have been somewhat of a beetch to MrThumb (but not miniThumb) most of the day, not altogether undeservedly, but he wasn't that bad. Mostly it was driving to the shops that did it - thinking "this is all I have in my life, looking after miniThumb and shopping" . I am not a big fan of shopping as a rule but I am finding myself wanting to go shopping just to do something! How bad is that.

TW - I'm sorry you're feeling like that.

What is the chance of doing your therapy over there - or are there paper work things that get in the way before you can?

Bit busy here due to work and courses - could have spoken to you during your day time when I finished work teh day before yesterday though TW as it was, actually, yesterday!

Not having too bad a week with school - just a bit of an issue about assembly being boring on Tuesday - but generally huge improvement compared to most of the first half of the term. Long may it continue (and he's also better at home too !!!!!)

Now just got to sort out party....

Not sure about doing the massage stuff here, tbh - I've sort of looked into it via the professional body on the website, but they don't accept qualifications from outside Australia, so I'd have to get someone to either check over whatever I've been taught (which is 12years ago now anyway and I'm not even sure I've got the stuff with me) OR retrain. What I can't easily discover is how hard it is to work without being a member of the professional body. Plus I'd need insurance from somewhere.

However, at playgroup this morning one of the other mums was talking to me about work and I said what I used to do - she knows someone who works from home doing massage so I might see if there's some way I can get to talk to this lady and see what the situation is. Thinking about it, mums from playgroup would be a good place to start if I do decide to go back into it, then I could still do it at home, which would work for me.

Glad mistlechick is getting better, fingers and everything else crossed for you that it carries on!