Did anyone not have another child because they really felt they couldn't cope with it?

[Jujubean77]

That's where I am at the moment. DD was a super demanding baby -no sleep until 14m, illnesses, v unsettled- and I just feel I literally would be a wreck with a newborn plus her.

She is still only 2 but we don't have so much time to mull it all over as DH is in his mid fifties and time is ticking. I feel a bit of an idiot admitting to myself that I just would not be able to cope, does anyone know what i mean?

I don't think you're an idiot! I think you'd be an idiot if you carried on and had a baby regardless of the fact that you don't feel you'd be able to cope.

If you're happy with one child and don't feel you have enough to give to another - why change things? You may find you feel differently later on - but you may not. Wait and see. I know you're concerned about time but if you're not ready then you're just not ready and jumping in anyway is asking for trouble IMO.

My DSis has one DD (now 3) and found babyhood so demanding they've decided to stick with one. They are having great fun with the child they have

Thanks D. I am the only one out of my NCT/ Pre-school group that has one child so beginning to think I am really inadequate! Perhaps if I knew of others like me it would make me feel more normal...

Hi Juju
I know exactly what you mean. My DD is 3 and I only feel now that I'm getting my life/head/body back together. All but 1 of my friends have had their 2nd babies, and whilst I am so so so pleased for them all, it has stirred up some feelings in me like "why can everyone else do it when I can't".

I think deep inside you know your answer, as I do. One is enough for me (and DH) for lots of reasons.

Hope this helps, just wanted to tell you you aren't alone in your feelings. Just enjoy the little monkey you have!

my dd is 7 and was a very difficult baby, never slept well, still the same now

plus my pregnancy was really bad, severe hyperemesis throughout

I have never yearned for another, she is lovely & I really enjoy her company

plus i come from a big family, I think I had already decided from a young age that if I was going to have children (was adamant I wasn't going to have children, dd was a surprise baby), it would only be one

Yes me definitely. Found DD very demanding as a baby and not at all sure could cope with another. She's now 3.5 and coming to that lovely age where it's so much more fun and we can do lots together. The thought of going back to the baby stage is not a happy one.

I do know what you mean when all your other friends start getting pregnant and you question why you don't feel up to it yourself. Tis a bit disconcerting.

For me, at the end of the day, we prob would all cope because we'd have to. But I'm just not sure I want to go through it! Does that make sense?

Hi all. My DS has just turned two. Despite thefact that he was an 'easy' baby I feel that I could not cope with another. I had PND until recently, I believe, and do not think I can go through it again. My NCT friends are all on their second and it does hurt alittle that I may not be able to do so

I am facing the same dilema. DD is coming up for 2, and has only just started sleeping through, i had awful sickness throughout pregnancy and am worried about my health suffering if I were to do it all again, I still feel quite run down and I'm losing hair which isn't pleasant. Dh isn't keen on another one. BUT I would love for dd to have a sibling and I did love the first 6 months so much! If we had a sleepy baby it would be fine, but I'm not sure how we would cope with another 2 years of broken sleep.

Thanks everyone for your responses. I honestly don't know how I would live the nice "normal" routine we have only just got going if I had a newborn, I mean I just can't physcally see how I could manage it.

DD was one of those babies you just couldn't put down, couldn't function a usual day with - leaving the house was just so traumatic for the screaming so I stayed at home as much as possible for 3 months. I also had quite serious PND. No sleep for over a year by that I mean 2 - 4 hourly waking, loads of awful bugs, high fevers, hospital trips.

I know this time might be completely and utterly different but what if it's not? The joy of having a baby will be completely diminished and DD will suffer.

Juju, what are your reasons for not wanting to stick with one? Is is because others are getting pregnant or is there more to it than that, ie in your mind's eye,you always wanted 2?

Think the feelings you describe are common to a few of us here with one child families.

Its not knowing isn't it. If the next dc were easier it would all be fine, but whilst mt dd didnt sleep she was easily settled, no. 2 could be harder.. I feel having a second might be better for us as a family in the long term, but what if i'm wrong and it breaks us?

DS was a demanding baby - much happier little boy. ANd I had a bad pregnancy lots of sickness and SPD.

I just couldn't do it again. If I could magic up another toddler, I would do it like a shot, but (including pregancy) it was 3 years of just gritting my teeth and trying to get through the day. Its no way to live and to sign up for another tour of duty is just beyond me.

I wanted 3 but one will do fine. Can't have everything.

ha ha - read your post OP and thought - "YES" but then I'm not a mum of 1 - I have 2 - and the same applies. You know when you've had enough. It's wise to know yourself so well. Good luck - those hormones are strong!

My reasons are the usual I suppose, the surge of emotion when I see lovely moments between my friends' children, She is such an affectionate, loving child and I sometimes lament not providing her with the experience of a baby around and the interaction. I better stop now as I will get upset!

But deep down I know she will have a depressed Mummy, just counting the months away until they are older. I feel long term yes it may be the right decision but we live in the present don't we?

snap, I feel exactly the same!

I really understand, I have always thought that children should pop out aged 18 mths!! I have never understood the cooing over a baby.

I also had pregnancy probs (pre-eclampsia) and a hard work baby. It was just like being in one long dark tunnel and then suddenly we popped out into the light!

I think you are being realistic and asking yourself the hard questions. It seems IMO that some people rush blindly ahead.

I am now considering another and feel positive about it. I didn't before. I was not ready, It is hard when you are older.

It's funny because, when I think of having another, it petrifies me that it would be a baby that is really hard work!! Ds didn't sleep that much but was and is such an Angel. At 2.2 he is great company and good as gold/caring etc and I couldn't imagine "rocking the boat" as it were!!

I can look at babies and think "sweet" and that is it. Does never make me want another one, ever.

You're not an idiot. I have two and the first was easy. The second nearly killed me. There was a 3 year gap. now they're four and 7 I am so happy with them again, but I could never forget how hard I found that first 2 YEARS after dc2 born. WOrth it, but you are not an idiot.

I'm another one that is sticking at one for now.
DS was dxd as ASD at 3 and I didn't do well with the whole 'baby' phase either.

The problem I have is that I'm actually finding that I'm getting broody and have my parents going on and on about me having another.

My DD (3.5) was an easy baby and we have such a wonderful time together now she's older. I feel that having another will spoil mine and DD's relationship and that new DC might be difficult and that's something I really don't want.

I had DS when I was 40 (DH was 44), I think we knew almost straight away that 1 was enough at our age!

I'm really glad I found this thread! We have a 6m DD, and at the moment I still have no desire for another (despite everyone saying that I'll feel differently further down the line....maybe I will, but I doubt it).

I think DH would ideally like another, but I've found it so hard so far, DD is very demanding and we live far from both families so no help there. I don't have the reason of having had a terrible pregnancy or birth (although she was emergency forceps), I just don't think I could face doing the new baby thing again with a toddler, and as I'm 40 in a couple of months it's not as if we could wait until DD is at school, say, before having another and I definitely don't want a newborn in my mid-40s (we had problems conceiving DD so it could be difficult and long anyway).

I feel sometimes like there must be something wrong with me for not wanting another DC, as everyone seems to have more than 1, but I just don't think I'm cut out for it, much as I adore my DD.

LadyintheRadiator - no, sorry, have only been on MN a short time with this name - what's MSP?

I think I probably could cope with another one, but at the moment I don't think I want to really, but I will wait and see how i feel, Ds is only 18 months.

I don't think you should have another child just for the sake of it though, which is what I thought I should do until recently, feel a lot better now I've realised I don't have to. I was feeling a bit under pressure because as you say friends are having their second babies now, but I just don't want to at all!