Did anyone not have another child because they really felt they couldn't cope with it?

[Jujubean77]

That's where I am at the moment. DD was a super demanding baby -no sleep until 14m, illnesses, v unsettled- and I just feel I literally would be a wreck with a newborn plus her.

She is still only 2 but we don't have so much time to mull it all over as DH is in his mid fifties and time is ticking. I feel a bit of an idiot admitting to myself that I just would not be able to cope, does anyone know what i mean?

Oh, I see!

We're in this position.

DH - 46 - really, really struggles to cope physically with DD 19mo (he suffers ongoing depression which affects his energy). She's a lovely child: funny, cheerful, etc. Wasn't colicky or anything as a baby.

But she's so so energetic - always on the go, running about. And very, very self-composed/opinionated (has been since birth, if you can believe it - the midwives and HV remarked on it!). Everyone who meets her comments on how strong-willed and lively she is.

Because he can't manage, I wind up doing 99% of all the childcare, so occasionally feel overwhelmed. She doesn't sit still for a moment; and when she was a baby, she would not lie still on a mat or anything - she had to be in arms and carried about, seeing & doing things with me. And I can't imagine she's going to suddenly transform into a passive, quiet 3 year old.

Thus having another just feels logistically impossible: either DD would become frustrated and unhappy at lack of attention; or the new baby would be suffer as a result of DD's demands.

The thought of another like DD just is too overwhelming.

And waiting to see if she chills out as she gets older isn't a possibility, as DH will be too old to manage with another baby and the sleepless nights, etc.

So it looks like we're sticking at one.

Not sure how I feel about that at the moment. Not broody yet. But must admit, I am a little worried that it will hit me and I'll feel frustrated and sad about it.

Oh, and our families are miles away in different countries so no family help. I think this can make a big difference to some people.

I totally sympathise, even though I have two. Some babies and children just ARE more demanding than others and it is perfectly reasonable not to want to go through with what is, frankly, an ordeal twice. I wouldn't have three for the reasons you describe. Be happy with your one dd and ignore the peer pressure

I feel the same way. DD is 13 months and although I really enjoy her, I feel as though I can just hold everything together - and right now I can't imagine how I could cope with a second child. Given that everyone I know wants/has at least two, I do feel a bit useless/wimpy at times!

Penthesileia, agreed that family help could make a difference. Mine are in Canada and if I lived there, I think the option of a second child would not seem quite so daunting.

My DS is 18 months old, I love him to bits but I couldn't imagine having another one at the moment. He was a very demanding baby and basically spent the first few months of his life screaming his balls off (silent reflux) and I found it very difficult to cope.
Myself and DH work full time and the cost of childcare is crippling us too. I accidentally fell pregnant at the beginning of this year when I had just returned to work after mat leave. Amongst loads of other reasons the icing on the cake was the fact that at the time I found out I was being made redundant in a few months. After a few weeks of myself and DH agonising over it we decided to opt for a termination, it was a very difficult decision but it was the right one. I would have been due to give birth around now if we had gone ahead and I think having a new born would have finished me off.

Wigglesworth: so sorry to hear that you had to make such a difficult decision. That must have been hard. Glad that it's been the right one for you.

I'm with you OP. Had a deliberate 6 year gap as twatty boy was so demanding! When dd came along though, I didn't know what had hit me - she was so independent from the word go. Hang on in there and you will know if and when you are ready.