Tea Room the Tenth: Tea and cake and rock and roll

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

Welcome back to the tea room.

In the search for the perfect venue, we have now decamped to a rambling country estate. The once-decaying castle, now restored, is a boutique hotel, popular with rock and roll gentry and visiting bishops, and the tea room (which never closes) is located in a tastefully converted barn. The charming garden contains a duck pond and ends in a haha. We need the haha, of course, to stop the bison trampling the herbaceous borders. Mellors the gardener is, as ever, in charge of the grounds.

Please come and join us for a celebratory drink.

daisy99divine!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome back - you have been greatly missed!

x x x x x x x x x

Welcome back Daisy

oh MadBAd I think I love you - home-made apricot jam? MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....
Best served in a warm croissant so I shall add some of those to the feast as well.

oh hello lovely people!

Hard to speak with a mouthful of apricot jam

we were thinking of camping in New Forest or even Bournemouth

perhaps an away day to Brighton may be easier?

had a great romp on the beach in Dymchurch last weekend....

our Tame Trip was to France. lovely indeedy
xx

Err, exactly what kind of romp, Daisy? I know DaisyBloke was away for a long time, but really!

Would anyone like some carrot and coriander soup with sourdough bread?

Hello all (and a special warm welcome to our returned pilgrim! Lovely to see you Daisy!)

Tomorrow is the celebration of Mexican Independence: Kittenito went off to nursery in the guise of a peasant soldier; he looked fab. If I get a chance I shall put a pic on my profile so that you can see and so that I can show off.

Wriggle/Madbad: the children and academia thing. Having children (one, two or ten) and an highflying academic career are difficult, seeing as the whole idea of "work-life balance" does not exist for academics in general. I do a 40 hour week; but when I had no Kittenito, I carried on with the reading/investigating throughout all my holidays and weekends. I did well, got published and made a niche for myself.

Now I work only in office hours (and am often off with a sick Kittenito. My publications have suffered and my niche is faing fast. And so I have no chance in hell of promotion or advancing beyond my current situation until Kittenito and Gatita are grown and don't want me around. ("Gatita" is Spanish for little cat, and also feminine so I thought it might do for DD -who btw should be making an appearence in 6 weeks!). I don't so much care, tbh. But I reckon many women do; hence it hasn't been normal until now to try and do both the academic and motherhood thing.

There are lots of us now (infact there has even been a thread on MN on the subject). Hwoever, depressingly, the theme of discussion is based around a rather despairing worry: "how to survive -ie not get the boot- in academia and have kids".

Catita - I wasn't intending to be dismissive when I speculated about why the number of women in academia with one child might be higher than the average and hope it didn't come across that way. It just seemed to me (thinking of the women in academia I know in RL) that they are so deeply committed to and involved in the life of the mind (terrible expression but I can't think of a better one right now) that they are far less interested in the sort of mundane stuff with which I fill my day and a lot of child-rearing is very mundane, however besotted one is with one's child. And there is the time element too - they work very long hours so simply have less time available. So it seems to me that having just one child may be a very pragmatic decision about maximising the chances of keeping an academic career (more or less) on course. That's not to say that the same considerations don't come into play in other careers and professions too.

Now, marmalade cake, anyone?

Hello Catita, I can't believe Gatita is arriving in 6 weeks! Blimey, where has the time gone? I remember her as a tiny blue line!

Yes please to Marmalade cake and really I think what you said, both MadBad and Catita, about children and work is pretty true for many many jobs. I feel the cul-de-sac of the legal world beckoning on a daily basis......

tis hard to juggle

looking at CMOT's schedule I think the world of Large Amazing Medical Machines I Don't Really Understand is tough too....

oh, and the romping was strictly of the running in and out of waves variety. I'm not a shameless hussy like some I could mention in this team room

Daisy!!
Welcome back!!

Madbad, I didn't think you were being dismissive at all. And I didn't mean to sound quite so defensive on the matter. And obviously, Daisy, I don't think that academia is unique in its demands, I imagine that many jobs are equally time-absorbing.

But I don't think it has anything to do with childrearing being mundane.... it's more a case (in my case anyway) of investigation being a bit of an obsession, and somewhat of a vocation at the same time. Even if I were not to be in a job, I think I would still be dedicating the time I could to reading. What can I say? I'm a lost cause.

Cake sounds lovely btw. Make mine a very big pregnant-sized helping please...

Six weeks, eh? Can anyone in the tea room knit? We need a full layette and bootees. And quick!

oh, can I have a large pregnant sized slice of cake too don't think you get all the glory Catita

Daisy?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

WHAT???? Daisy?????

Hold on...Daisy?!? Are we understanding that large hint correctly?

No, no clue re sis so far. More scans tomorrow to see what clues are to be had.

Can't knit bootees. Can knit stripey scarves. Will that do?

I can crochet.

Daisy, come back and tell us!! Are you really????

Eek,

What, Daisy???????????????

Agree with Catita about academia and child rearing. Even though I am by no means an academic, being merely a humbble teacher, when I was full time I was working every evening and at least one full day and both evenings every weekend. There is just no end to what 'needs' doing for a class of 32 human beings, each with thir own special needs and talents, if you want to make their experiences interesting, special and motivating - and if you don't, why be a teacher? So I was never quite sure why being a teacher is supposed to be the 'ideal' job for a (generally woman) parent. You cannot do right by your child/ren and everyone else's.

Daisy !!!!

My mum taught - and I agree that it is far from the family friendliest career it is made out to be sometimes.
I'm lucky in a way - have a v v niche job, where if I wanted to seriously progress I'd have to travel far more than I could ever cope with, even with no DH or DS. So the decision to just take it where I can is fairly easy

Don;t just leave a pregnant pause hanging like that Daisy!!!
Nice to see you back by the way.
I'm going to have one of those rolls with butter and jam. stick me feet up on a footstool and fidget annoyingly on teh distressed sofa with a book.

My bike ride home the other day wasn't quite midnight, tho my friends were still riding at nearly midnight yesterday, their route went a little wrong and their big 145 mile day turned into a 158 mile, 18 hour epic.

I took boy to ballet this afternoon, result. he got to enjoy 30 mins of running about with a bunch of 3-5s and I got to natter to other mums for half an hour. V V good for getting to know who's who in the village.

The suspense is doing my head in...

DAISY!!!!!!!!