The Fourth and Only TeaRoom! Tea, Champagne and Muffins at all hours! Racing Pig get moving!

[daisy99divine]

A warm welcome to everyone, whether you have one child, none, or ten. This is a tea-and-muffin or booze-and-sofasorcanapees sanctuary for all. But certain standards of behaviour continue to apply - anyone engaging in fisticuffs will be ejected by George Clooney, ably assisted by Mellors the Gardener.

Cheers all!

I have spent the best part of the morning hanging out on mn instead of doing proper things!

Must go to work now

bye all see you later xxx

Yes, how IS that going, Justa? We'll need to see proof of at least 1000 words a day, y'know

No-one ask me about the book. Or the guide. Or that database . Drat, better get on with it.

Through the magic of the tea room, Bocca invites you to inspect the gleaming expanse of her kitchen floor.

[Tragic emoticon]

Did something mention Berkshire Vegetable Broth? That sounds delicious.

Amber - Meant to say earlier what a fine lad you have. I think I may reach the point (although probably not for a few years) where BabyBocca can look down at the top of my head!

Anyone else for soup? I'm sure it fortifies the brain for PhD/book/database writing!

No, I've never seen any parsnips. Our garden does a good collection of runner beans, potatoes, carrots and peas, though amongst many other things (and assuming we can stop the deer and rabbits from getting them first...grr)

PS Fine Lad hates having his photo taken and always looks pained rather than happy, but it's one of his better ones.

Amber - I've just been really uplifted by your post on the 'not by choice' thread. Thank you so much.

I do worry sometimes when people say that the disappointment of not having another child is a blow from which you never recover. Of course it is for some people and I don't want to deny the reality of their experience. But, equally, I worry that, for others hearing that message, it might become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Many people do (as far as I can tell) reach a point where they can accept their situation - even if that acceptance is a little uneasy and stops short of rejoicing in it. I'm not sure that telling them that they will always feel dreadful is either true or helpful.

OK, wittering now over. Onwards and upwards with the mop.

That soup sounds nice Amber. Yes please. Does anyone want a lewd roll to go with it - ds helped to make some for the tearoom...

Its strange isn't it the comments you get about the tearoom - just people talking about muffins and coffees etc. And yet we manage quite a bit of interesting debate in amongst the crumbs...

Amber - I grew up, first in a bit of Berks that had been Oxon, then in a bit of Oxon that had been Berks... Definitely no parsnips though...

Justa - people do get het up, start taking sides and ignoring what the original poster said and the whole thing exacerbates.

Yes, I also got quite put out on the other thread (have deleted several posts that I nearly sent on that and this!), particularly as she'd not made any contribution to the thread. And of course we wanted to mention the tearoom - it is, of course, such a great place to not get any one critical jumping down your throat on any subject.... Unlike some other threads we can all think of

I think we need a emoticon specially for the tearoom!!!

I had a very dispiriting experience with an antenatal group who found out I only had one child and launched into much hostility about how very selfish I was, without once considering that there may have been reasons for why it was. I've learned not to judge people. One never knows the full story.

The most brilliant thing for me was when ds was going off for a school ski trip, and as I dropped him off at the school, the classroom next to him emptied of people who'd all come out to hug him goodbye, much to the teacher's astonishment and my embarrassment . So much for them growing up unpopular and unloved and antisocial as single children. Even with an ASD mum and dad, he's extremely popular.

Did someone say parsnip soup? Is it spicy?
Donkeys love parsnips...
Please may I have some if there is any left!

That's lovely Amber.

I do rather have to bite my tongue at the 'are you going to have another' comments (as my ds not as big as yours - you probably don't get as many of these now!). I also went home and fumed at the 'rolled eyes' of someone 6 months pregnant who, when I asked her when her baby was expected said the month then added - 'two under two - its going to be a nightmare'. Now that just winds me up horribly!

Aaah! I was too late for lunch - never mind, perhaps I'll make my own parsnip soup...

I hope you are all enjoying the snow! (again)

Mistle - I think many of us have had that sort of experience! I used to be tempted to say something rather grumpy and rude such as "oh! aren't you in charge of your own fetility, then?" until it occurred to me that, in a very different way, neither was I. I think perhaps that people who make these "Oh crikey, I'm just so fertile" remarks are just looking for validation and for reassurance that life with 3 under the age of 4 won't be a total nightmare. I can (or, rather, could at the time) live with that except from those few people in RL who know our chequered reproductive history and so ought to know that worrying about being knee-deep in toddlers is a luxury I'll never enjoy.

Many thanks to MJ for the fresh batch of lewd rolls. We're certainly on a parsnip theme today!

Hmm. Sorry you were wounded Amber, and all others

For me, I think there are 3 things about having a different number of children than you might have expected (for us, 1 for others, another number or indeed none)

(1) there is a grief / recognition/ acceptance phase that is different for everyone but for which there is some effort reqiuired not to allow it to be all consuming

(2) that grief/ recognition phase should not be confused with love of and celebration of the wonderful child that you have (if you are lucky enough to have one)

(3) much of the sense or desire for family size is also mixed up with that very personal desire to be pregnant/ carry and birth a baby - RacingSnake has posted about this very well indeed

For me I find untrammelling these three factors important and I never ever want DaisyBoy for a moment to feel that his presence was in any way insufficient and what I am finding personally is that as I get more used to being a 1 child family it becomes more and more fun and rather a relief really....it also makes for me the story of trying to have a child less and less relevant (IYSWIM)

but of course this is highly personal. I have never told anyone in RL how DaisyBoy was born - with what assistance etc. Friends from when I was trying to conceive know but some friends say "this is Baby Dot who was born on the 15 cycle of IVF following etc etc" which is fine for them but not my stylee

Phew that was a bit much for a tea room that only talks muffins and george clooney!

A copy of what?! Oh, I see the first article is about 101 different ways to shape the garden shrubbery. That's alright then.

bocca and t42 - I had a similar experience on the 40+ mums/ttc thread - I left smartish after being stolidly ignored. Sod'em - far nicer here!

Rev - well done on the 1000 words, especially if they are references - I always hated the referencing side of writing stuff.

I had wondered why that box tree was looking peculiar - I'm not quite sure what Mellors was trying to make... Daisy, can you see anything in the book that is even vaguely like that?

Daisy - also well said.

I know life will never be boring with MJ. Provided he manages to stay out from under the wheels of large passing vehicles etc. I just have to try to find him some friends with siblings so he can have some of the benefits of mixed ages and sexs to play with, but also have the benefit of being my one and only at home.

Justabout - have you ever managed to put down a quotation and then lose where you got it from - I think that was the most annoying thing that I used to do regularly!

How long is your learned discourse going to be? I had to do a 20 - 25,000 wds for my MPhil - but ended up having to cut that down from 45,000... not a task I envy!

I used to do that all the time mistle - I could never work out the best way to do references without messing up my flow, so would always end up leaving them to the last and doing exactly that - forgetting where I got that quote/info from.

Justabout - I think quotations are a very good thing, especially when one nees to get the wordcount up or down!

It's funny, but I find it far easier to talk about our fertility travails or how I feel about beieng a mother of one on here than I do in RL. It's somehow too personal to discuss with one's friends and so I end up talking about it with strangers (not that I count you as strangers, but I suppose there's still the possibility that you are HGV drivers called Barry!)

Mistlethrush - Do you have friends whose offspring can be substitute siblings for MJ? I'm guessing that there's a fair amount of overlap between mothers of onlies and (ahem) older mothers, and certainly most of my pre-baby friends have children who are much, much older than BabyBocca - my friends were going to university open days while I was choosing a primary school for her - but she does have some unofficial older siblings that way. And school itself has brought many new friends into her life - including one who is the oldest of four.

I've just noticed that my own bit of DIY box topiary - a box ball - has finally died orff. I wonder whether Mellors can tell me where it all went wrong?

Bocca - yes, Ds has gone to school with a boy he knew from nursery (actually, two boys, but ones an only too) - luckily they live quite close to where we do, so we've been doing some child sharing in the holidays that has worked out very well. Apparantly, MJ is going to marry the slightly older sister Some children at school also have younger siblings so he can see some smaller ones too. He's also got a good relationship with our goddaughter and her brother (their parents are also MJ's godparents). So, all in all, he doesn't do too badly really.

We used to do a really nice coffee morning which was from 0 - 4 ish depending on whose house you were at (if they only had a newborn, all the 3 - 4s didn't descend on them!!!)

Box - there is a disease that's quite prevalent at the moment - that might be the problem. Or is it in a pot - I've got some box that doesn't like being in a pot.

so long as you didn't do a hyperlink to this thread, justa, no prob! Of course you wouldn't have, because it is your hiding place...