Did you mind being an only child?

[Ticktacks]

Anyone here a only child? My husband and I are discussing whether to have 2nd child. I'm keen, he's not. If you were an only child growing up didi you mind not having a sibling? Were you ever lonely?

I hate it more as an adult.

I didn’t mind at all. I had very close friends, no siblings to argue or compete with and a very rich inner world and imagination.

When my parents became older and sadly died, I felt sad and alone but also grateful that I could make all the decisions easily and efficiently without having to consult anybody.

it has its cons I guess but I was happy as an only.

It was very hard being the only person at my dad's funeral four months after my mum died.

Agreed.

I'm 66 now. I have no siblings...Would have been nice to have a bit of moral support at crisis times.

Another that hates it more as an adult.

I’m fine with it and have never wished for a sibling. Wondered what it might be like, sure, but never in a way that I felt i was missing out. I’ve never found myself feeling jealous of friends with siblings, in fact a lot of people describe annoying shit they wouldn’t put up with from a friend but they feel they have to as it’s a sibling. As a kid I was actively against the idea of siblings!

I hated being an only child. And when my Dad died at 47 I wished so badly that I had a sibling to help support my Mum. And now I'm older myself I am so envious of friends who have siblings. I promised myself that if I ever had any choice I would never choose to just have 1 child.

Yes, I wanted to have three if I could...Finished up with none, but I guess that's life.

I did have my husband there to support me when I lost my parents, but no one when I lost him.

Always hated it. It isn't so bad now I'm 66 and have chirldren, a grandchild, and DH of course. In my 20s I dreaded ending up totally alone in the world. My parents were also only children

Now, it's just me caring for mum. However, it's also just DH caring for his because his sisters are selfish, lazy gits. Having sibs doesn't always lead to support I have now learnt.

I am an only, and my dad died when I was 14, so it's been my mum and I for a long time, and I've probably become co dependent on her. I am still in my 20s and I dread being left without any surviving family at a relatively young age. But more rationally, I could have a sibling who was born severely disabled or died young or became a hard criminal, and therefore I would still be on my own.

I am lucky, I have a wonderful partner and I am very close knit family, probably also because Sil (the wife of my partner's brother) is an immigrant and has no family in the uk

I always said I wanted an older brother as a kid. Certainly not a sister! But really I didn’t mind it at all. I was busy with lots of sports mostly and had lots of friends.
As an adult it has been harder. Helping out with mum and dad as they became older there was only me. Now dad died coming up 15 years ago and I have a very elderly mum with very advanced dementia. That’s tough as only me around. However the reality is having siblings does not guarantee support. I hear of many siblings where one does everything for their parents and the other nothing. Or where siblings cannot agree. I don’t think having 2 children guarantee that they will get on either.

DH had two kids. There was no real support from them when DH become ill - it would have been nice if they'd visited him in hospital. One visit from his son when he had his stroke; none from the daughter. They waited until he was home. Same when he had open heart surgery earlier - they waited for him to get home.

To be fair, they lived a distance away, but even so...

My nephew (through marriage) lived the same distance away from DH's SIL, but he took a week off work to see his mum when she had a stroke.

I suspect that their mum dissuaded them, telling them there was no need - she actually visited instead. However, they could have made up their own mind.

It was the same when DH died during lockdown - their mum persuaded the kids that she should attend the funeral instead of them.

I really liked it. I cultivated excellent friends and they are a family you chose and can rely on. As an adult I have found it much easier than some other friends to deal with ill parents. Only one voice and opinion .

I am an only child, it was a very lonely house … I had my children later in life and desperately wanted at least two. I didnt want them alone in life. By the time I was 41 all my close family were dead. I have a wonderful husband but you are very alone planning funerals . No sibling with a shared history to understand your grief. My girls are a joy to watch together , so different from each other but loyal and protective . I wish I had that. If you can afford it do it . ❤️

Same. Only person to support/deal with my Mum after my Dad died. Only person to sort out end of life care and the financial and other mess when my Mum died. Even my cousin, whom my Mum called “the daughter she never had” didn’t help once she realised she hadn’t been left anything in the will.

I hated it but it's situational I think. My dad was in the military, we moved every 2 to 3 years and my parents had a hellish relationship (highlights including watching my dad almost bleed to death during a fight, get carted off in an ambulance and then having to help scrub his blood off the lino as we had visitors arriving from the UK within hours).

See I prefer it as an adult as though I'm the only one to help my parents with illness and EOL I got to compare my DH's experience with all the siblings being passive aggressive with each other about who did what and when for their parents.

Initially I thought it was a big burden for 1 person but now I think it's better as I'm not arguing with anyone.

Also being an only as a child is great.

Yes it’s utterly shit at both ends of life!

I was a shy awkward child. Apart from one very close friend in the year below I had nobody until I went to seniors and came out of my shell and found friends.

I was often lonely and bored.

Now 60 I’m struggling as it feels everything is on me as my mother has months left to live.

Yes. Always desperately jealous of my friends going home to their seemingly noisy happy families with siblings. I loved staying with friends or cousins and secretly pretending it was my family.
As an adult I wish I had someone who had grown up with me to share perspective and memories and in later life to share the worry and fear of being the only support for parents losing capacity.
I always made it clear to DH that if we had children we would have to have more than one if we could.

I have an only and I had quite a large age gap between me and my next sibling so I lived at home with just my parents all my teen years and I don't really remember when my older siblings lived at home. I hated not having anyone to play with as a child. As a teen I was fine, though as a teen and in my 20s I was envious of people that were close in age to and great friends with their siblings. That being said my LTR in my 20s was one of 4 close in age and none of them were really friendly with each other.

DS is happy as an only but I did spend an extraordinary amount of time playing with him throughout the years, which was hard at times. He used to weigh up pros and cons of siblings when he was young and usually came down on the side of being an only! He has good friends and is relatively close to his cousins. We've often brought one of his friends along on family days out or weekends away, visits to grandparents and that type of thing, and we know his friends well, so I'm hoping when the time comes he'll have people to share memories of us with iyswim. He's fond of telling me he'll put me in a home the minute I am an inconvenience so that's a decision that's been made already! I do worry he'll be on his own when we die, but my friends partner is facing that situation and he had a sibling who unfortunately died when he was young. So there's no way of telling the future.

I'm much closer to my siblings now that we are all middle aged so there is that.

I only have one son, 17 so wont be having anymore but would have liked him to have a sibling. I guess hes had opportunities he wouldn't Have had had there been 2 and were done tons together over the years and played games etc. Go to football and I watch him play that to.

Im extremely close to my sister but my mum and brother weren't and he didnt even attend their parents funeral. He barely visit, and didnt help with anything at all ever. I know quite a few people who aren't remotely close to their siblings so you never know how it will work out.

I also dont have any aunts, uncles, cousins etc that we speak to and wont have any nieces or nephews.

I didn’t mind it as a child although on reflection I played by myself a lot or demanded lots of attention from my parents. As an adult it’s harder. I have been lucky enough to have two and I’m relieved about it.

I didn’t mind it too much as a child, there were pros and cons, probably more cons now I’m an adult looking back though if I’m honest but at the time I was fine about it

as an adult I hate it
though ofc if I had a sibling maybe we wouldn’t close and they wouldn’t be a support or a friend.
I think I’d have a better relationship with my parents if I had a sibling though. It’s a bit too intense otherwise, I think they needed somewhere else to focus some attention (and dysfunction).

it’s becoming more and more common though, so maybe dc that are onlys now will have a different experience

I was the only one of my school friends who didn’t have a sibling born two school years apart. It was crazily “normal” to have a sibling who was close in age. Consequently I always felt weird, and I sometimes found friendships hard to navigate, possibly because I didn’t have that early life experience of a buddy to play with. I spent a lot of time bored, or with my head in a book. I swore I wouldn’t do that to my own kids, and they get on really well, which brings me so much joy. Personally I think it’s brutal to stop at one if you’re able to have another.

I hated it as a child and I hate it more as an adult. I’ve had three children and if money and circumstances were different I’ve would have had three more. I just think having a large family surrounding you is such a comfort. I hope I’ll have loads of grandchildren in the future. But of course you never know how it will work out, sometimes big families all hate each other.

I should mention that my situation feels particularly hard to me as my only brother died in childhood.

That said, I wouldn’t let it colour your view of how many children to have. I have really good friends, I have some friends that are family now. So people adapt and survive and ultimately we should only have children that we really want.