Any social workers out there to advise on difficult situation?

[oddjob2022]

Could any social workers or those with experience of family courts tell me what would happen in this situation?

Single mum with cancer. My 12 yr old son’s father was a donor I met online who has a number of other donor children but now lives with wife and their kids. He has seen my son briefly a few times over the years

My will appoints my brother as my son’s guardian and my son is close to my brother and husband family. However I didn’t realise that due to the fact that the donor is on my son’s birth certificate my brother cannot straightforwardly inherit parental responsibility.

If I die and my brother takes my son and alerts social services and SS calls the donor, the donor will say he’s happy with my brother as guardian and will refuse to take my son himself. However will likely SS accept this? Will they leave my son in my brother’s care and suggest he then applies for special guardianship or might they move him into care? If they leave him with my brother, would there be any kind of interim order that would enable my brother to have authority to apply for a school place near him for my son?

They will accept it. They might assess your brother first but they will accept it as long as there are no massive issues with your brother.

I have no idea of the legalities but SS always go for family care first. It’s better for the child to remain in their own family unit.

im sorry to hear about your diagnosis.

You can always speak to SS yourself first.

Go to a solicitor specialising in wills

Second making your wishes clear in your will. You can name your brother as Testamentary Guardian for your son, which confers parental responsibility on him. Next step is for him to apply to Court for Special Guardianship.

Children’s Services aren’t always involved in the process, unless there are any worries raised.

The trouble is that if there is a surviving parent, the testamentary guardian appointed cannot automatically have the parental responsibility conferred

There must be more to the back story here with your child’s father as donors are not named on birth certificates and do not meet their children .

No more back story - I asked him to come with me and he was happy to. Same with meeting children.

Just go to a solicitor. The end

Social workers won't become involved at all to prevent this from happening. Outline in your will what you want to happen. Your brother may need to apply to the Court for PR. Cafcass will do LA checks with the children's services. I can't see anything that would lead to the children's services needing to be involved unless the checks show up concerns.

Social workers will probably not go anywhere near this situation - why would they? It all falls under private law. Your brother would need to make an application for a child arrangements order and the father would be contacted and if he gives his consent the order would be made. Social services certainly couldn't and wouldn't want to take him into care for any reason whatsoever based on what you've outlined. It wouldn't be legally possible even if they wanted to (which they definitely wouldn't)
Don't worry. Your plan is sound. I'm sorry you're having to make it 🌺

Thanks, I'm not familiar with a lot of this - what is Cafcass's role? They're different to children's services? If my brother needs to apply for PR, presumably he can't apply to any schools until PR is granted which could take months I understand?

Thanks...would the whole process of applying for a child arrangements order and it going through the court not take months, before it would be granted and he could apply for schools?

Cafcass stands for children and families court advisory service (and another S I can't remember)
They are independent social workers who are responsible for carrying out section 7 welfare assessments where there are welfare concerns for children in private law applications where social services aren't involved, and also for representing children's interests in care proceedings. Whenever an application is received by the court it goes to cafcass and they write a safeguarding letter to social services asking if we are involved and if there are any current concerns (like recent referrals, history of social services involvement etc) MASH receive the letter and do safeguarding checks and if there is no history cafcass don't do anything further.

You were happy to give him PR?

At the time I stupidly didn't realise the implication

Possibly not - they have the power to grant an interim child arrangements order while doing further enquiries but also if nobody is contesting it the court could grant a final order at the first or second hearing. If they grant an ICAO at the first hearing that grants PR and could take a matter of a few weeks from application if he is lucky.
However if it does look like it's taking longer your brother should apply to schools anyway and if necessary the birth father will need to liaise with the LA about the school place and DS's care arrangements. If the LA leave him without a school place because his mother has passed away that would be a clear breach of their duties and between your brother and his father they should be able to pursue that to a resolution fairly quickly involving the ombudsman/MP but I doubt it would come to that.

Former sw here. They will assess your brother obviously (very basic to see that he's got room for your child, is a decent person (not an offender) and that he's willing to take your son in with all it involves). If you are sure that the donor will not make any parental claims you have nothing to worry about. It's really hard to find a family willing to adopt a child your son's age so SS will be happy there is a solution for him within the family (which is preferred).

So sorry for what you are going through. It's heartbreaking that you have to think about who is going to care for your child when you are no longer here. It shows what a great mum you are. If you haven't already, write letters to your son. Some you might want to give to your brother so he can give them to your son when he's older.

You brought tears to my eyes. I have a friend in a similar situation but with a lousy exh who will take their son in. She's so stressed about this because he's a lousy dad and would have preferred that a friend took care of her son. Atleast you know that your son will be in good hands.💐

I imagine for a child born from donor sperm OP thought it would be important for him to have his father's details on his birth certificate. A BC isn't only about conferring PR. It's a document of identity and heritage.

No they won't automatically assess the brother. Why would they? It's a private application. If anyone was going to it would be cafcass but as nobody is likely to contest this application I doubt anyone will assess it.
Are you actually a former social worker? Talking about adoption for a 12 year old? Did you ever practice in children and families?

Really sorry to hear about your situation.

I was involved in a few situations helping step parents, family members appointed as testamentary guardians or older children with court applications after a parent 's passing.

The most important thing is that you have made a will and made a testamentary guardian appointment.

When helping parents in your situation, I have also suggested a letter to be held with the will to explain why you have chosen your brother ( rather than another relative or family friend or the father ) or if there is no one else why you think your brother will do the job well. A letter in your situation is really compelling to a judge - hopefully it won't come to that but if it is with your will it is back up for the court or social services.

At your daughters age, the big factor on who she goes to is her age and her wishes and feelings but hopefully your plans are something she would be ok with.

Your brother should make a residence order application - that would need to be served on the father as he has PR. In most situations, a quick hearing and temporary order and if birth father does not want to get involved a final hearing that is equally short - so please don't worry.

There is unlikely to be any SS involvement unless the dad opposes your child living with her uncle or there are other red flags raised in a safeguarding quick check by CAFCASS - such as your brother having a conviction or having had domestic violence allegations made against him. For example, if a previous partner made allegations against him in a case involving his own children.

i hope this info gives you peace of mind xx

Is a residence order the same as a child arrangements order?

Sorry , I should have said son, not daughter.

In answer to your query, an interim child arrangement order can be applied for very quickly ( and granted) but in all the situations I helped in the schooling was not an issue as so many schools deal with de facto parent situations.

Try not to worry as making your will is the most important thing to have sorted out xx

Yes sorry - I used the old language

If my son were to go and live with his uncle prior to my death because I was too unwell, would all of this process work in the same way?

Why do you seem reluctant to do the most obvious thing… and consult a solicitor?