Good things about having an only child??

[Forestmumlondon]

It's just the two of us me and my DS. Looking like he'll be an only child as I'm nearing 40 and don't think can face going it alone with another (unless Mr perfect appears very soon). I always assumed would have a big family it was a goal of mine :-( although since having one the thought is much less appealing haha.

Friend recently made a comment about how they're looking forward to Christmas and all the wonderful noise that will be going on around them with their 4 kids. I'm sure it wasn't meant in an insensitive way, but one thing me and my son's house is, is not noisy. I take him out, do playdates etc etc etc. But at the end of the day often our Sundays are mainly spent just the two of us, and lots of Christmas will be too.

Please tell me there are some benefits of having only 1?? Or is it more - just make the most of it, you've got one at least. Is more ALWAYS better?

People must be feeling this at Christmas.. this was from yesterday! www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5223034-can-anyone-make-me-feel-better-about-having-an-only-child?page=1

We can get a cheaper apartment/room on trips and holidays. And we're not stretched across different hobbies and interests.

It's different. If you embrace it, without making it a huge deal, there are lots of good things.

Ds is 21. It's been just us since he was 14. Dh was very ill until his death, and I often struggled to meet both their needs. It both felt as I'd another child would have been a real gift to ds, but I also couldn't see how I could possibly meet three people's needs. I had times when dh was weeping on one shoulder and ds on the other. I only have two shoulders.

Since it's been just us, I have the secret, huge luxury of just concentrating on ds. Until he went to uni anyway. I spent money on him, spent time with him, planned things just for him. I felt a prickly huge joy that i could finally put him first.

Not having a sibling is a lack. I think he would have chosen to have one. But it's also been all right. We are close. His friends are close. He's beloved and as successful as anyone needs to be. God, it could be so much worse.

Undivided attention, extra money, no siblings squabbling or sitting round awkwardly during family gatherings because they hate each other (waves at DH and 'D'BIL).

When Granny duty starts, no feeling guilty about which set of grandchildren get the free childcare.

Knowing you can't rely on one child to care for you in old age as it would be too much so you don't fight against a care home.

@PermanentTemporary i honestly do not experience not having siblings as a lack at all, and I don’t wish I had one for my own benefit. In an ideal world I think my mum would have liked more children but didn’t, and that makes me feel a bit sad for her, but selfishly I feel quite happy not to have any brothers or sisters. In many respects I find it extremely freeing. Some people hate being an only, some people hate having siblings… some people love it… it really is what it is.

It's quieter - more often a plus point
No squabbling - see above
Money to finance clubs, driving etc
Close relationship/ able to follow their interests / spend lots of 1:1 time
Able to invite friends over but then retreat
More space to put stuff
Don't need a massive car
People find it easier to help / babysit
More time to support reading /homework
Quite a few only children these days so less likely to feel different
Don't need to juggle 2 different ages / stages when planning activities/ outings
No need to ask 'are siblings welcome ' at every invitation or find childcare
Fewer school logistics / class WhatsApp to juggle

Do you want a noisy house? I only have one more kid than you and I hate the noise and arguing.

Practically speaking, as an adult, the financial benefits to me have been really significant.

1. Pregnancy "atrractions" and birth "atractions" only once in life
2. Better chance to back to figure
3. One baby sleep you can take nap too. More kids baby sleep you need look after the older kids so you look like zombie with sleepless nights and days
4. One baby have nap you have free time
5. One child start nursery/schools you have free time or you can go work and childcare costs will be easier
6. Easy to going on holiday with one child
7. Easier to get new partner with one child(for divorced moms)
8. No conflicts no jealously
9. Less stress

10. One child= easy motherhood a women can still have lots free time and be a mom at the same time

Just one teenager to deal with
Just one set of university fees
I am super glad to have stopped at one

I loved being an only child.

Please remember, there's no guarantee they will get on as siblings. My MIL and my Nan are no contact with their sisters!

I was persuaded to keep a pregnancy I didn't really want (I was talked round that a sibling would be great), and I really regret it.

Don't get me wrong, my second is an amazing child and such a light in my life. But I miss, really miss, having just 1!

It was a doddle in comparison in terms of mental energy and time. And my second wasn't even a difficult baby/child

Me too. My daughter started the teen age I can't imagine having now baby on top 😅

My 2 siblings are, and always have been, the most self centred arseholes I have ever met. We did not get on well in childhood and one of them was very abusive. As adults they have both treated me like shit but expected that because we are family they expect me to run to help them when their shitty behaviour gets them in trouble in other ways. I have gone NC with one and low contact with the other. Both have relied heavily on our parents even as adults (and in situations where it really wasn't necessary) and now that our parents are older and can't carry them about they are annoyed that I won't take over. I have sometimes ended up putting myself our a lot to help them when they really don't need or deserve it, just to prevent our parents doing it when they are not well enough (eg. driving an 8 hour round trip to collect one of them from a friend's house because they had lost their driving licence and felt above using public transport). Just today I have received a series of very aggressive messages from one of them because I have not paid as much attention as he thinks I should to his child (apparently I should be in touch to make sure they are all OK once a week) or offered him the child-care help that he thinks he is entitled to (babysitting so they can go our at least every other week is standard apparently). I have actually counted up the number of times he has visited or even asked after my family and can't think of more than 3 occasions- my DC are now late teens. My DH is an only child and does not have to put up with this shit from his family.

The point is, having siblings is no guarantee of a lovely happy big family who are best friends. Sometimes it means you end up being expected to make space in your life for a bunch of arseholes that in any other situation you would steer well clear of.

I have 3, including 2 boys close in age and one with ADHD/ASD.

I'm hiding in the toilet right now as I need a break 😅

Look I love them I so truly and deeply do, and no, now I'm in this position I wouldn't be without any of them.

But my God, there are so many advantages to quality of life, of just having one child.

I do think the discussions around siblings in childhood vs siblings as adults is so interesting though.

I'm NC (not actively, I just don't want to be in his life at all as we are on vastly different paths, and he has absolutely no interest in mine) with one brother, my other brother I love but is off across the world doing his own thing, and my sister is in my life as we both had kids a similar age and see my mum a lot. I think it's quite rare to have really really close knit adult siblings, but I don't think that necessarily means there's no benefit to having siblings while growing up.

Like I said though OP, there are lots of ways to mitigate any potential negatives to having an only child, and lots of ways it's actively positive.

I'm still several years off even being able to just think about stepping out the door to run to the post box or local shop. Don't forget all the freedom you lose from having young DC.

My DS has been very vocal since he was 3 about how happy he is not to have any siblings! I agree with him, as my own childhood and later with siblings has been difficult.

Like you, I always wanted a large family. I feel lonely, it just being DS and me, but he likes having his space and having me to himself.

I think there's research suggesting only children tend to be more confident.

Friends with more than one child have commented on how they wish they could have the same time/quality of one to one time with their children.

There are pros and cons of both.

Thanks everyone really helpful comments. I think it's so easy to assume that more is always better, and forget to enjoy the benefits and focus too much on what you don't have! I want to see it as a great option rather than something that is second best / lacking

Most airlines have 3 seats together, so no one is split up. Hotel rooms are easy to find. No bickering. Less noise. You don't have the need to keep stuff (toys, clothes, etc) for younger children. Overall, cheaper (1 set of uniform, 1 set of childcare and so one). I always planned 2 but for a variety of reasons I have 1 ds who is nearly 12. I don't regret my choice

You are continually moving on to the next phase. There's no going backwards.

We didn't plan for one, but he was IVF/ICSI and it never worked again.

I have a two beautiful children.. i hate noise and they can be loud!! My DH works abroad alot. Some of kids activities at same time so if he's not here on a Sat either DS has to miss football match or DD has to miss drama which is often rehearsals for a show....but I can't be in the two places at once.
Financially it's cheaper.
More time to pursue your own hobbies/interests.
FWIW I have a sister and we are not close. I don't hate her or anything but just completely different people. I would never call on her in a crisis. I am closer to friends.
Also, one of my close friends, despite having a brother and sister is extremely close to her cousin (who also has 4 siblings!)...my long winded point is siblings don't automatically equal best buddies, in fact sometimes the opposite!
Have a lovely Christmas 🎄

Thank you everyone!

I have also been thinking, not to be mean but I think it also can depend on how much else you have going on in your life, for some people maybe more the merrier and gives them some focus / something to do, where as others will feel the loss of freedom a lot more as they have other things they want to pursue? Probably boarding on bitchy / bitter there though

The best when your child is teen age like more that 10 years old and you notice that you have like 95% less work to do around your child while they was baby you got like 99%-100% works around them m. My daughter is 11 I see huge drop in responsibilities that I have now over her that years ago I love my free time and will never had second baby

But why do you have to have teen and baby?

Why not 2 teens or 2 babies?

How old is ops son?

@Oreyt he is 4

Thanks.
Just wondered why people were talking about having a baby and a teen.

Yes this can be also too but then 2 babies is hard for women at least for me 😅