Good things about having an only child??

[Forestmumlondon]

It's just the two of us me and my DS. Looking like he'll be an only child as I'm nearing 40 and don't think can face going it alone with another (unless Mr perfect appears very soon). I always assumed would have a big family it was a goal of mine :-( although since having one the thought is much less appealing haha.

Friend recently made a comment about how they're looking forward to Christmas and all the wonderful noise that will be going on around them with their 4 kids. I'm sure it wasn't meant in an insensitive way, but one thing me and my son's house is, is not noisy. I take him out, do playdates etc etc etc. But at the end of the day often our Sundays are mainly spent just the two of us, and lots of Christmas will be too.

Please tell me there are some benefits of having only 1?? Or is it more - just make the most of it, you've got one at least. Is more ALWAYS better?

Wait until your child comes home from a play date of a child with a few siblings - usually it's 'I'm so glad I don't have brothers or sisters!'.

I'm the youngest of many. Basically left to my own devices as a child by parents - too busy with the teens, business, elderly parents and let's face it, the shine goes off when you get to 5... hence only one fuzzy photo of me as a baby - or we think it might be me as it's hard to tell, or it could be grandpa holding a bundle of towels for all we know. Grandpa did treat me well - he loved having a little granddaughter but he died when o was about 3.

Never got to go to clubs, brownies or sports activities because everyone was 'too busy'.

Never anyone to help me with homework (eldest sibling did but emigrated when I was small and the rest weren't remotely interested).

Haven't had more than a dozen conversations with one particular sibling on my whole life - he basically ignored me when I was little (can't say I'm bothered as they are very odd).

Not the 'golden' child or eldest, so never really focussed on. Mum never did know why my first degree was in (I'm not even joking).

I was always teased for being small/youngest and pretty much grew up a doormat. I kept my head down, opinions and tastes to myself (thus avoiding the risk of piss taking) and became very introverted, insecure and shy. Often reminded that I shouldn't have been born as mum was pretty ill and had been warned not to have more children (like that's my fault) and how she had been advised to terminate by her own mother. Grandpa said 'no way!'

Lord, it's all coming out now!

So just because you have siblings it doesn't mean you will get on with/talk/like them. And when your parents become old and/or infirm it's often one child who drops everything to help (funnily enough oven the child who was not the golden or preferred one).

Enjoy your child, focus on the good stuff and not the 'what if's.

@Julia34

2 babies is hard. 2 teens are also hard 😂😂

More is not always better. I wouldn’t cope well with loads of noise especially whining, shouting and arguments.

But there are positives to every family size. Plenty of benefits to having one. I love just sorting DD’s Christmas and not having to worry about someone else’s pile or amount being the same. I can truly focus on enjoying her being aged 3 in a way I don’t think I could if I had a baby or toddler now. When she wakes in the night with a nightmare my arms are always free to cuddle her.

Positives of a Christmas the two of you, your DS will love getting your attention, you can get down and play with his toys with him. We are a family of 3, two parents one child. I’m so excited about playing with the things I have for DD with her. Not being pulled in another direction, other than laying the table or cooking dinner but she’d probably enjoy helping. You can pick a movie to watch together with no fighting over the choice. As he gets older you can follow and nurture his interests, if he wants to do a hobby to a high level you can facilitate that.

Money is a huge one too, we can have so many fun experiences together that would be hard to do with two and impossible with four.

Also less drudge work, think of all the washing and dishes and mess of four, and sure eventually they’re old enough to help but probably still have to moan at them to clean their room!

@kikisparks
Thank you this has made me excited to play with DS's toys with him on Christmas morning while we wait for family to arrive. Hadn't actually thought about that :-)

Yes it's lovely to be able to focus on them without being pulled away by a baby or other child (time is so limited anyway with all of life's other demands!)

And starting to enjoy the activities he likes now he's 4 which we can do more of and properly enjoy without a baby tagging along or sibling who might not be into the same thing.

I just have this image of a big family all having dinner together / messing around at home and in my head that trumps all the pros of an only, but maybe because I never had that myself. And it does get lonely sometimes the two of us. I guess there's no easy answer but deffo think some of the benefits are underrated

Peace and tranquillity.

My son (15 now) loves being an only child and I love having an only son. We are close and we can do what we like, when we like.

It's bliss actually.

I always assumed I would have two kids but it didn’t work out. Now DS is 10 and a happy one-and-only, and I’ve totally come round to the idea. I like not having to juggle the competing needs / logistics of more than one child, and obviously it’s a major advantage on the financial side. I have found parenting a lot harder than I anticipated and I’m glad I don’t have to spread myself any thinner.

(I think conversations about only children are always tricky as not very many parents have an only child by choice, so there’s often a history of loss/disappointment involved and the subject can be quite emotive - especially when other people thoughtlessly ascribe it to selfishness.)

I have an ‘only’. I have endo and she came along after years of trying. She’s just had her friends over for a sleepover. This wouldn’t happen if she had siblings. Also she’s going on two trips with school next year. I know she would love siblings and sometimes it bothers her but mainly it’s all good.

I hope you had a lovely Christmas @Forestmumlondon

I have an only child who is 11 now. I absolutely love having an only!

For us, we have the time to take him to hobbies/help with homework/do things with him. He gets a lot of attention.

Our home is peaceful which is actually nice. I have a friend with 3 young children and when they visit, the noise is horrendous! DS does enjoy seeing them but is always glad when they leave!

I have a demanding full time job and honestly could not manage more than one.

I love our little unit of 3 and ds is happy with the set up.

@PumpkinPie2016 Christmas has been nice so far thanks and I'm loving the peacefulness. I have preconceptions that people think that more is always better, and that it isn't usually a 'choice' to have one, but that you're lacking something... It shouldn't matter what other people think. I just think from the outside it probably looks like I've 'failed' at having that 'perfect' family!?

My dd is an adult now. She has always been happy being an only child. We're exceptionally close. She has lots of close friendships and gets the big family experience through her bf's family and through our own extended family. She has benefitted from our undivided attention and the absence of any sibling rivalry. And I've been able to maintain and progress my career, invest in my own friendships etc.

It wasn't my choice to have an only child, but with the benefit of hindsight, I wouldn't change it for the world.