Is 49 too old to be a dad?

[outnumbered30]

What's peoples opinions on the dad being 49 when you give birth? Is it acceptable?

[leggytroll]

I wouldn't actively try to be a dad at 49 but if you have the finances and the child is already conceived what's there else to do but get on with it?

It's not ideal as sperm quality means higher chance of disability in the child even if the mother is young. I don't think acceptability comes in to it, much more context is needed but generally it's better for men and women to have their children in their 20s to mid 30s.

[carkerpartridge]

When you say "acceptable" do you mean acceptable regarding the wellbeing of the couple and their baby or how other people will view the situation?

I was born in the 70s to parents in their 40s and I definitely felt like the odd-one-out compared with my friends whose parents all seemed to be 10+ years younger than my parents. However I still think that my dad was a great dad and had a lot to offer in terms of knowledge, life experience and commitment to being there for me. The age gap was probably more of an issue for me in teenage years.

These days more people seem to have children in their 40s so a 49 might not seem quite so out of place as my dad was! I think a lot depends on so may factors like the health, energy, attitude, financial security etc of the dad.

[outnumbered30]

We already have a one year old but I'm desperate for another. If we did he'd be 49 when it came. He's young and doesn't look or act it but it's just the judgement isn't it. I'm 34 so I'm young enough but people judging gets into my head. He's a great dad and we have the finances. He's got older children too but I just don't know if it's fair on the child like you say as they get older.
However having just one doesn't seem enough for me so I'm torn

[ProfessorXtra]

Personally, in my opinion, yes. It’s too old.

[ComeTheFuckOnBridgett]

My dad was a grandad by 49 so I would say it's too old but if you want to do it/can afford too/health is okay then why not.

[ArcticSkewer]

It's not great really, is it, but you chose someone quite a bit older. If you don't mind the higher risk of disability I would just go for it.

If he's actually on board with it? He'll be entering the mid life grump period soon! Almost all the men I know at that age went for vasectomies rather than second families, so I guess he may be thinking of himself as 'young at heart' so why not go for two?

[Allthegoodnamesarechosen]

When your child is twenty, he will be seventy…..

[existingusername]

You only get one life, live it ! Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. As long as you are happy, he is happy and the kids are happy who cares ! Life's too short to care what other people think.

[Cvn]

I'm a midwife (which I only say because it means that I meet many, many couples having babies, not because that makes me some kind of expert on your specific situation!). The demographic of the hospital I trained at was fairly well-off with lots of hedge fund manager types attending. 49 was around the top end of the age range for mums having their second / third baby, but pretty normal for dads.
Yes, the chance of disability is higher - but the most common of these disabilities is cleft lip or palate, which is very different in terms of impact on your / the child's compared to, say, dwarfism. There's also a slightly higher chance of miscarriage, learning difficulties, mental health disorders associated with older fathers. Which sounds daunting, but it's worth looking at the absolute figures, rather than the relative figures, and deciding how you both feel about those. I don't know the figures off the top of my head so these are completely made up, but if the chance of e.g. schizophrenia trebles after age 45, that sounds awful and might put many couples off, but if it goes from a 0.01% chance to a 0.03% chance (again, these figures aren't accurate) then many couples might feel more comfortable with that level of risk. Also worth considering that many off the conditions associated with older fatherhood are thought to be due to obesity and other lifestyle issues, which may not apply to the same extent in your DH's case.

[TomatoSandwiches]

Yes imo it is too old.

[AmITooOldToDoThis]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/conception/4826889-how-old-is-too-old-to-become-a-dad?page=4&reply=126892663

[rinseandrepeat1]

I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a dad having number 2 at 49 tbh. I think if you already have one who is a year old you may as well have another.

[VeryQuaintIrene]

My dad was in his early 50s when he had my half-sister and it was fine. He died at nearly 87, 3 months after his first grandchild was born and I'm sad for her that she won't have a grandfather and will never have known him, but it's a separate issue, I suppose.

[DrGoogleMD]

I mean personally I think its on the old side and it wouldn’t be for me. They will be a pensioner by the time the child is an adult. But you already have a 1 year old so I don't see how it's an issue now but it wasn't when you had your first?

[leggytroll]

outnumbered, you already have a 1 year old that was pertinent info, people who judge this are already judging. As it was said already on here, if you can cope with a disabled child, and I'm sure you're aware risk of autism with higher parents age and that it can't be scanned for or picked up during a pregnancy, if you can financially and emotionally cope with the possibility of a disabled second child then go for it.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Given that he is already a dad in what, his mid to late 40s, I can't see why one more would matter in a year's time. Its not like you are asking if it's late for a first time dad.

[FernDaisy]

Given your other child is very young anyway I think you should go for it.
Your DH could live until he’s 100.
People die at different ages. I think him being a good dad and your financial situation is more important than age. Plenty of people have young absent dads. As long as the child will be loved and your DH agrees to it, go for it.

[MrsSkylerWhite]

Don’t see the issue. A 25 year old could leave/get cancer/be hit by a bus tomorrow. If you’re both committed, heathy now and can afford it, why not?

[DRS1970]

I am 52, and to be honest I find having the grand kids for a few hours exhausting. So definitely wouldn't want to be starting a family at that age. That said, if you personally have the energy, then I don't see it as an issue.

[Creepyrosemary]

But why do you feel that he is to old now but you didn't feel that way a year ago when you had your baby? What is the difference for you?

[dadan]

My husband was a father at 51 and it has never ever crossed my mind that he might have been too old. He is fit and healthy and could outrun me even now. He is a great father and goes to the gym with our 15-year-old...We are overseas and have been through several independent schools in different countries and most of the parents are older...Yes, the age crosses my mind often but there are no guarantees with anything...

[arethereanyleftatall]

Too old imo.

Not at 49 to have a baby. That's no problem.


But I would HATE to have a teenager in my sixties.

I want to retire and start enjoying life with freedom and holidays when I'm 60, not deal with teenagers grumping about, still having to work to pay for them.

Christ, he'll still be working at 70 to pay for them at uni. Poor poor guy. I couldn't do that to someone I love. Or the kid, whose dad will absolutely be thinking he wishes he hadn't in fifteen years.

[Menopants]

He will be a pensioner when they are in their teens and at their most expensive.

also lots of men become miserable cunts in their 50’s so there is that #notallmem #butenoughofthem

[LadyBird1973]

It's right on the cusp for me. I'm 49 and my youngest is 15 and I wouldn't feel up to doing sleepless nights etc. And I wouldn't want to spend my 60s navigating the teen years. But then again, Im perimenopausal and it's different for men.
I guess it's just how you both feel - some people are quite old 50 year olds and others are younger in outlook and fitness.

[drpet49]

Yes it is too old.