Do you regret just having 1?

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I'm mum to DD 2 next month. I'm 37 and didn't have the best experience being pregnant so my husband and I have just agreed on the 1 child. I don't feel like I've got it in me to do it again but a few people have commented on how I'll regret it if I don't have another.
Just wondering if anyone has 1 and regrets not having another?
I'm happy with our decision. We have a really good balance of work/ life/ friends/ family. My husband is great with DD and goes above and beyond for us.

Never had the urge for a second. Never once regretted only having my son. We have such a lovely relationship, he has quality time with both parents and financially we can support him with everything he needs. He is 12 now and never asked for siblings.

He has two cousins who he is very close to so I'm not worried about him later in life either. One was def the best choice for our family, just do whatever feels right for you.

My husband is an only who doesn't wish for a sibling. He and I are friends with various only children some perfectly happy as they others who wish they had siblings. Something I've noticed is that the ones who wish they had siblings are the ones who had dysfunctional and/or lonely upbringings.

Adoption is a wonderful thing to do but I don't think adopting just so your child has a sibling is wise or ethical. You should adopt because you want that child in your family who is most likely highly traumatised due to being removed from their birth family and will need a lot of additional time and resources from you as a result.

I have 3, DH was one of 5, I on the other hand was an only child. I would if 100% been happy with just 1, obviously very happy with my lovely 2 but as an only child myself your child will not suffer I had an awesome childhood and remain very close with my parents.

Something I've noticed is that the ones who wish they had siblings are the ones who had dysfunctional and/or lonely upbringings

We have found the same or maybe not as far as dysfunctional in some cases but definitely parents who were not very "engaged" in their child's lives and desires.

Absolutely happy being one and done. No regrets. Was too worried about rolling the dice again once we had our first, we had some tricky moments in the pregnancy and a prem baby. This way we can put all our energy and resources into our one child, who will grow up very loved. DC is very popular at school already so no concerns there.

Don't fall into societal traps - do what is best for you and your mental and physical health.

Good thread . DD is an only, she's 5. Very very hard first couple of years, I'm not naturally maternal. Partner lazy, parents uninterested. I like my career and hobbies. She's never lonely, has hobbies, always kids around her.
I wish I was truly happy being one and done. I still have the baby stuff, I think it's time to let it go.
I think I'll always carry around some regret but I'm not willing to take the leap by having another that could be detrimental to DD if they had additional needs etc.

I know lots of examples of happy only children, lots of strained sibling relationships. I have a brother, he's a drug addict and myself and my parents live in fear of finding him dead. I love him but life would have been easier without him.

The hardest part is societal pressure and people's unhelpful comments.
Having one child has so many plus points. It's great to read positive stories here.

I do a bit when I see happy families of 4 and siblings wearing matching outfits at Christmas

I feel that I have to be a playmate for my dc or arrange play dates. If I could turn back the clock I would have had more

@rya12 thats not real though, the happy families in matching pyjamas. That’s a staged split second moment in time. What you don’t see is those kids spent all day arguing over whose turn it is and which present belongs to who.
You may have regrets, but don’t have them on that basis!

If I'm being perfectly honest yes I do regret it. Mine is now 8 and has a lovely life, lots of hobbies and activities and holidays and friends round a lot. We don't live near her cousins but she has lots and loves spending time with them. I worry how it will be for her when we are old. And she is a very very sociable child and we have to be her playmates and her parents. Life is noticeably MUCH easier for us when we have another child here or when we spent two weeks on holiday with cousins. It is a different type of parent/ child relationship. I notice her aunts and uncles don't have to play with their children, some refereeing of arguments but overall much less intense. I also think it would have helped her to sleep if she had someone to share with (she is still a terrible sleeper). Whereas I have one sibling and would have been perfectly happy on my own as I am an introvert and spent most of my childhood with my nose in a book. So if we'd have known her personality we might have considered it. We were old though and I'd had several miscarriages and couldn't face going through all that again. Also as I mentioned, she didn't sleep so when she was 1/2/3 there is no way we could have coped with another.

I feel a bit like the ‘only child’ threads talk about not generalising before going on to make a lot of unlikely generalisations about siblings and parents of multiple children. That the siblings do nothing but argue and hate each other as adults. That the parents are exhausted and don’t get enough time with each child. And so on.

Reality is a mixed bag, and there is nuance in the outcome. It’s very unlikely that being an only child would ‘ruin someone’s life’ just as it’s very unlikely having siblings would ‘ruin someone’s life’. Both will have pros and cons. We tend to notice what we don’t have rather than what we do.

Some parents choose financial stability over family connections, that’s a valid choice. Some people choose family connections over financial stability, that’s a valid choice.

The problem is it’s all very ‘suck it and see’, you won’t know if your child is the outgoing type that would love to be part of a sibling gang until they’re older by which point any siblings would be quite a bit younger. So 🤷🏼‍♀️ all you can do is make the best decision at the time, but it’s a bit 🙄 seeing all this ‘they could hate their siblings’ rubbish. The majority of people I know have a perfectly good relationship with their siblings, ranging from very close and living up the road, to more pleasant and just getting along when they see each other. It’s quite rare for siblings to despise each other and be totally NC but you get the impression from MN that it’s almost an inevitable outcome.

DD is 6 and an only child. Overall we are very happy to just have her (she's great!). It does mean we need to play with her more and be more proactive organising play dates and so on. But it also means she can do more activities and we can have more days out and holidays as they're more affordable and much easier to manage. She gets more of our attention and time, which I'm sure has contributed to her doing well at school. So I don't regret it, but I can also see that she could equally have got a lot out of having a sibling. I wouldn't pretend there are no downsides, but there are different downsides to having more than one child, too.

Advantages and Disadvantages.

No right or wrong answer.

We have two and would have missed out on so much of we hadn't had our son (second born) but I never think about what we've missed out on not meeting a number 3. It just is what it is.

As our children are older now I notice they've both gone their own way (although we are still close) whereas one of their partners who is an only child appears to feel unable to relocate too far away as he needs to be around to help his parents - especially his dad who lives on his own.

It's all so complex and depends on so many varying factors.

Do what's right for you.

I really dislike these posts.

@Cuppasoupmonster I have two siblings we constantly squabbled as kids. I also have 25+ friends and hundreds of colleagues with 2 or more children who ALL have one thing in common, they will readily tell you their kids constantly argue. So no, It wasn’t a guess or an assumption, and you sound possibly a little sheltered if you think siblings arguing is ‘unlikely’
I have worked with the public 15+ years and part of my job is to ask about the medical history of the family, the amount of people that tell us they don’t know because they have no/limited contact is massive. I have worked in difficult cities/deprived areas/affluent areas and the answers are consistent in terms of family fall outs. It actually not ‘quite rare’ for people not get along with their siblings at all.

different cities no difficult cities.. oops!

No I don't, 1 was perfect and he has plenty of aunts and cousins after I'm gone.
Two would have been a nightmare, I'd never have afforded childcare and we would have lived in poverty.
Also he will inherit my whole property and his future will be assured.
He's 40 now and has never expressed a wish for a sibling.

Surely no one has a child because other people say it's wrong, when you are happy with your choice

Oh God, please don’t put this responsibility into your wider family. My aunt tried to do it with me ‘you’ll be her only blood family after we’re gone’ and it’s shit - emotionally blackmailing people into being surrogate siblings for your child because you didn’t want to have another for whatever reason. Having an only is a totally valid choice, but own it and don’t use other people to make up for a perceived deficit.

It’s like when single mums by choice say their child will have ‘a lot of male role modes like their uncles’. I often wonder if it’s fair that they’re imposing such a responsibility on those men and are presumably guilting them into it.

I didn’t say siblings arguing is ‘unlikely’ I said hating siblings to the point of NC is. And that’s not fair evidence is it, if people are struggling they’re inherently more likely to have poor family relationships because that leads you to struggle.

not sure what you mean? struggling? i said no contact seems to be the same frequency in both affluent and deprived areas? it’s not rare!

I think you're projecting some of your own experiences onto quite a reasonable statement. The poster was just observing their child has family....

Mine is 9 and a very sociable extrovert but still happy as an only and we’ve no regrets. He maybe spends a bit more time on screens than he might if I had two of them I could send out into the garden together, but he also does lots of sport and reads loads so is healthy and bright.

@Cuppasoupmonster that comes across as quite mean why wouldn't you want to be supportive to your family member? Bit confused why it's emotional blackmail. Also bear in mind many people aren't one and done by choice, so may feel pretty sensitive about the circumstances when the norm and societal expectations is having two. The tone of your posts is a bit off. What's your goal here?

We wanted another, left it too long, couldnt have a another.
We've since come to terms with not having another and now feel very content with our family of 3 and can't imagine it any other way.
It now feels right for us and we are just making the most of being a family of 3.

That said, DD is now 9 and in the last 6 months or so that she has started to get a bit lonely/bored, particularly when we're away and she sees other children/families playing together. I think it's made worse by the fact that shs doesnt have any cousins her own age and is often the only child amongst lots of adults.

This does though mean that, not only is she really confident in chatting to adults and anyone she meets, she is also great at making friends so usually finds a friend most places we go. We have also recently started taking a friend of hers with us for short breaks or days out, when we can, which she loves.
There are obviously lots of pros and cons to both sides.
But don't let anyone tell you how to feel about it.
I know lots of people with only children, theough choice and not, and they are all perfectly content.

Theres a difference between being a generally good family member and then taking on an almost parental level of responsibility, or rather having it enforced upon you. It’s not about having an only, it’s about having an only then expecting other family members to be surrogate siblings when they might not want to be. There are other mums of onlys in my family who don’t do this so no issue there.