Do you regret just having 1?

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I'm mum to DD 2 next month. I'm 37 and didn't have the best experience being pregnant so my husband and I have just agreed on the 1 child. I don't feel like I've got it in me to do it again but a few people have commented on how I'll regret it if I don't have another.
Just wondering if anyone has 1 and regrets not having another?
I'm happy with our decision. We have a really good balance of work/ life/ friends/ family. My husband is great with DD and goes above and beyond for us.

Thank you for your replies.
It's reassuring.
I'm really happy, as is my husband but just a few (unhelpful) comments have made me feel like I'm letting DD down! But I'm less worried now, thank you
I'm not really close with my sister so there is a chance they wouldn't get on anyway! I guess you never know do you. Many benefits to having more but also sticking at 1. Depends on everyone's personal circumstances

I'm an only. Always wanted a sibling. Was so bored growing up. And also thinking about in older age as parents die, being "on my own" without sibling support.

DS was an only for ages and whinged continually for a sibling. Now with a ten year age gap, he has DTwins, and he would much rather be an only again. Smaller age gap might be a lot different. DTwins, seeing the dynamic of the two of them together, makes me certain that sibling (of similar age) is far better than no sibling.

As a mother, I love having a bigger family, probably because I had so long of DS on his own and seeing the stark difference between that dynamic and our family now. Less disposable income sure. Far more happy though.

It’s a personal choice so i wouldn’t pay attention to what anyone says to you.
i personally had a tough time with my 1st but always knew I would have a second as I grew up with siblings I couldn’t imagine not giving her at least one. And one is all it’s going to be 2 is a different ball game xx

Funny, I have DD(3) and am currently pregnant with a baby boy. I didn’t get pregnant again to give her a sibling although I thought it would be ‘nice’ to give her that experience. But I do wonder, will they be close when they’re older? I suppose I imagined 2 sisters as I have sisters and so does my mum and dad. I have a brother and he’s fine and we get along, but not close. But I agree the ‘I hate my siblings’ posts are downright weird. By that logic why even have a child, they might hate you 🤷🏼‍♀️ or why get married because you could well end up divorced. Et cetera

I'm an only and always wished for a sibling. I still do tbh although my DM is now sixty seven so I think that ship has definitely sailed 🤣

However in the 80s and 90s being an only was definitely something of a rarity. I felt I was missing out on something that all of my friends had. A companion within the home, somebody to go on holiday with other than my DPs, a playmate and an extended social circle due to a sibling. These were things that all of my friends had and I was always very envious. Even now I am envious of my friends relationships with their siblings and nieces and nephews. This is mitigated nicely by my DH's family as he is the eldest of six so I do have a large number of BILs and SILs.

Altnough now that more people are choosing to have only children I think that there is less opportunity for them to feel as if they are missing out and surely they will feel less of a rarity as a proportion of their friends will essentially be in the same boat.

I know that my DM always felt very looked down upon for having an only, which is awful. She wished for more children but it just wasn't to be and says that other women often remarked that I would be lonely and psychologically maladapted (I am not)

I can't say that I would have chosen to be an only but I am very, very close to my mum.
It's a bit of a double edged sword tbh.
I would have liked to escape the UK years ago as would DH. How could I have done so as an only child whose dad had died in his fifties? I couldn't. It would have felt unspeakably cruel.
To that end I have stayed within half a mile of my mum because her health took a massive nose dive, presumably as the physical consequence of grief.
Now that she is almost seventy I am looking at extending the house so that she can live with us, because as an only what is the long term alternative?

And I do not begrudge caring for my mum in her later years. God only knows that she did the same for me.
And happily she and my DH get along famously.

Bit I've been very fortunate in almost every instance that these circumstances have and are seemingly going to work out well for us.

It's a lot to have on your shoulders as an only child. Sometimes when you are still relatively young yourself.

Yes, you can say that you wouldn't want to be a factor in your child's life choices, but if you have been a brilliant parent then necessarily that is what will happen because that child will love you to absolute pieces, Especially in the absence of an extended family.

Sorry for the essay.
There's plusses and minuses to being an only, no rights and wrongs.
I had a very privileged upbringing and I am forever grateful to the people who raised me, siblings notwithstanding.

Pros of one child (for me):

• more time to dedicate to child
• more money, can afford private school, don’t have to stress too much about what to do during school hols as can throw money at it
• it’s been easy to continue my career
• I have time for my hobbies, so does DH
• when DD is at an activity/ birthday party etc that’s free time for both DH & I
• grandparents happy to babysit (my friend with two kids says her mum won’t babysit now she has 2)
• I’m one of three & often felt like my parents were a bit stretched. I have very little to do with my siblings as adults. DH doesn’t get on with his sibling.
• I have a friend whose sibling has totally ruined her relationship with her parents. I have two more friends whose lives are restricted by the needs of adult siblings with additional needs
• can’t guarantee a sibling wouldn’t have severe additional needs
• don’t have to listen to bickering / fights - have a friend whose two DDs fight constantly, it’s awful for her

Oh should have added that we chose to have five DC.

And my DM is thrilled to bits 😊

No.

@Cuppasoupmonster

I had boy, girl, boy. My daughter was 3.5 when my youngest son was born. As kids them two are really close. She’s always loved to boss him around and he’s happily obliged 😂. Play together very well indeed and when she went on her school residential he was really sad all week.

I have a bro and sis. My sister is actually closer to my brother than what I am. Even now as adults he’s always round her house for dinner. I am not as close to him as what she is but that’s okay, we kind of rub along okay with that dynamic. And yes I am close to my sister.

3 is a funny number but that’s another thread entirely.

This thread just shows how entirely subjective it all is. Some happy only children, some unhappy. Some who get on with their siblings, some who don’t. All you can do is choose what feels right for your own family (and not pass judgement on anyone who makes a different choice to you).

No. It helps that I am also an only child who was never once lonely and I don't struggle with being on my own in the way I see some people who had siblings appear to.

@AssignedNorthern

I am one of three and I love time on my own. Interesting for you though as having siblings wasn’t your norm so it’s entirely understandable you only had one.

History can repeat itself. My Nan had three kids, my mum has three kids and I had three kids. After the second child I just knew I had one more up my sleeve. For me, three was what felt “right”. My Nan was close to her siblings as was my mother, and I’m close to mine.

My husband is one of four and they are a fragmented family. Not at all close. His own mother wasn’t close to her siblings though and neither was the Nan. That kind of fascinated me. Family modelling is very influential.

Before having DD, I was firmly in the camp of one and done while DH thought two was the best number. We both have two siblings, I am close to my sisters while he has a good relationship with his sibs (but not as close as I am).

Now we have DD (who is nearly 3), other than a couple of quiet what ifs because of my relationship with my sisters, I'm still in the same camp. My DH has changed his mind to join me, as he just can't imagine going through the small stages again.

My DD is a fantastically social little thing but also loves her own independent play. I love the fact I can give her my sole attention and as our finances are not as stretched, I know I can give her whatever she wants (within reason- I'm not financing a horse or something!).

Even though I am close with my siblings, I also don't live close to them. Funnily enough, all of us have also only had one child and are unlikely to have more. My niece is also just over a year older than my DD, so there is family close in age.

We have 3 DC, older two are close in age, 2 years between them, and they do tend to fight what seems like constantly, however they equally entertain each other and play.

I'm an only child myself and I can honestly say I have never for a moment wished I had a sibling as I had a very happy childhood and have lots of cousins, friends etc.

My only concern as an only child is when my parents get older and any potential health implications that come with that. My grandmother is currently unwell with a variety of things including dementia and although there are 3 children to care for her I see the strain on each of them, and it does worry me that I may have to do that alone one day.

No

DH and I both have 1 brother. We all live hours away from each other. We all love each other and get on very well but we aren't "close" in that we only see each other a few times a year.
As for support with elderly parents, both Dads are gone and we have a Mum each, mine is here, DH's lives near his brother.
I grew up in a really close knit family but I went away for uni and work and I think that is how many families are now. You can't future proof life.

It's not so much the loneliness. I'm an only child, but couldn't gave deliberately planned that for my kids because my mum is at the stage that needs a LOT of help. I've had to host her every birthday & holiday for decades because she was on her own & I'm an only & I'm
Back & forth twice a day every day.

It's tough.
Life happens & if you don't have enough in the tank, no judgement here, but I wouldn't personally choose it.

No.
For a while I hung onto baby things 'in case' but I'm happy with the decision.
I agree that only children are far more common these days and I've deliberately invested in friendships with other 'one and done' families so that our child doesn't feel that everyone has siblings.
They are outgoing and play easily with or without others.

We also spend time with our friends with bigger families and I don't come away feeling jealous but often think it looks like a logistical mission!

I also have friends that had another and had unexpected complications that changed their lives / family dynamic. If you're happy, count your blessings.

I agree about siblings not always being close. I have many personal examples.

We'd be much more concerned about money with two and wouldn't be able to do swimming lessons / music lessons etc.

I think it might be easier if you're happy to play / watch kids' films / arrange play dates occasionally but are also happy with the expectation that your child can entertain themselves too. Some of my friends had a sibling partly so they could entertain each other but how likely is it they'll both have the same interests anyway?

No, we dont at all. We love it.

Never have another child to ensure the only is not lonely. You will hear a million stories of happy only children and a million of unhappy/nc people with siblings. And the opposite.

Do what is right for you and your DH, this will make you the happiest = best parents you can be.

I had a wobble and thought maybe we should, but i look at him and the great life he has and he is so happy and i love that we can give him our sole attention, i would not want to split that.
I would hate to have had another one for our DS then him not want to play with or just bicker constantly, i would be furious 🤣.

My DH isnt close to his sister. I am close to my Dbrother (in that i know i can ring anytime i need him) but dont see him very often. My DF didnt speak to any of thier siblings

I have a best mate of 20 years who is like a sister. She has sisters who she doesn't really get on with, so im like a sister to her.
When my DM died, i needed her, she was there to help me through it. My DB tried but didn't really know how as i was falling apart, so a best mate can be just as good, if not better than a sibling in later life for the tough stuff.

We will always have our door open to friends of our DS, bring them on holidays if he wants and all that jazz, but i am confident he will thrive being himself

I don't regret it for me - I would find 2 kids very tiring considering how much parenting just one takes out of me! However if I'm honest I think it would have been nicer for my child to have had a sibling. He often says he is lonely and I'm sad for him that he won't experience having a sibling relationship.

I think that music lessons, gymnastics and ballet etc are a bit of a red herring tbh. Even private education to a certain degree.

I benefitted from all of those as an only.

They didn't stop me from feeling that I couldn't move away. They won't build me an annexe for my mum to live in in her old age.

This isn't an argument against having an only, not at all and those things were indeed very lovely to have and experience. At the time.

They haven't materially enriched my life or mitigated the adult consequences of being an only and therefore wholly responsible for my DM as she ages.

An only.is a legitimate choice and often a sensible one but the extra curriculars argument galls a bit flay past the age of adulthood unless the DC turns out to be Olympic, virtuoso, prima standard. In which case, bravo 👏 obviously 😊

falls a bit flat

@bookworm14 💐 what a very sensible post I think. Neither one nor many is the right answer. It is what happens and what you make of it. Neither is better or worse in my opinion.

We're also a 1 and done family. I had PND and know that I couldn't go through it all again. I also worry about him being lonely but then I'm also prepared to make extra effort with play dates and activities so has friends. He loves nursery and has friends there already (also 2 next month like yours). My husband barely has a relationship with his sister (she's pretty unpleasant and they've never got on), and I'm not close to my brother and to be honest felt quite lonely growing up even though I had him.
So, our kids won't be lonely because we won't let them be. And if people tell you that sort of stuff, tell them to mind their own bloody business

Posted on another thread by accident.