Birthday parties - excluding my child

[Jellyfish7]

I feel silly typing this but can’t seem to shake the annoyance/hurt I feel about my daughter not being invited to a couple of the parties with her school friends.
I know you can’t be invited to everything but for me having an only child and putting the effort in with other parents to build her little network of friends may mean it stings more.
I found out one of the parties she hadn’t been invited to was a couple of weeks as one of the mums asked if I could take her daughter, not realising we hadn’t been invited (a bit awkward). And again it turns out she hasn’t been invited to another one. I know she’s not the only one not invited from her class so trying not to take it personally.
Just makes me feel sad for her and we’ve had the decency to invite both of these girls to her party, thinking be the bigger person.
I know I need to be the adult and accept that’s how it is, just irks me particularly as she’s an only and I’m keen for her to included.

It happens for so many reasons - capacity, cost, not close friends etc.

I wouldn’t take it personally or feel sad about it.

I don't think her being an only child has anything to do with it.

We did a whole class party in reception but for Y1 we are doing a smaller activity with a maximum of 15. We have 3-4 non school friends we are inviting which means we will only be able to invite some of the class. It's not personal it's just that I can't afford another party for 35+ children.

As you say she can’t be invited to every party, it’s just the way it is.

To reassure you a little, we have never held a whole class party for either of our DS - eldest is 11. They are only allowed to invite ten usually. Whoever they choose, is who we invite. I don’t want it to get complicated and it really is just who they like playing with at that time.

I do understand your feelings but with respect the fact your daughter is an only doesn’t mean her classmates are duty bound to invite her to everything. It was probably a case of numbers/money etc.

Are you absolutely sure there are no invitations stuck at the bottom of her bag? That happened when my ds had a party and one boy never acknowledged it or turned up. A few days later the Mom called me to say she had just found the invitation in his bag.
As a teacher of little ones l often saw children invited to a party who never played with the birthday person. The parent asks the child who do you want to invite and they say random people and the parent goes with it.

Focus on fostering relationships with the children who invite her and don't take it as any reflection on your little one.

Don't take it personally, could be the birthday child was only allowed to invite a certain amount of friends (due to cost or capacity). I've done this myself when they can only invite X amount & have to pick.
I've never had a whole class party although we did have one where they invited all of the girls (just so a couple weren't left out even though my own daughter wasn't bothered about inviting them all).

How old is she?

What a horrible comment. The OP didn’t mean that at all, she just mentioned that she had put a lot of effort into friendships as her child is an only. Where has she mentioned her child being “dumped”? This is really mean.

@Goldilock don’t worry I wouldn’t want my daughter to play with your kids with such a horrible parent!

What an ignorant thing to say, you have no idea about my circumstances and the struggles I’ve had to have another.

sometimes kids have ‘best’ friends and as with mine they get the invites by close friends and because of many other factors such as costs rising. Try not to worry too much. Kids are resilient and hopefully your child won’t be offended when others invite to another party in the future.

Ignore that poster, that was a horrible comment as well. “Have another kid” as if it’s the easiest thing in the world 😂

Agree, not sure why these posters feel the need to write this. I was looking for supper/reassurance. I’ve reported to mumsnet as not supportive in an only child forum.

If it's someone that your dd considers a friend then I understand why you'd be disappointed.

Is your child in year 1 or older? Whole class parties are popular in Reception but in year 1 it often becomes limited ime. By then children have preferred friends or the parents can only afford a cheaper birthday package like 15 kids. If the child has siblings, cousins and out of school friends then that number could be more like 10 classmates. If your child is around y1 age then I wouldn't be surprised if the invitees are the kids of the mums closest to birthday child's mum. Are you friends with birthday child's mum?

How old is she?

Since Covid I have noticed a drop in whole class parties and I think it's a good thing as parties for actual friends are more fun for the children.

If you want to cultivate friendships because she is an only child then parties are not the way to go. You'll be better off inviting friends on play dates or to the park.

How olds your child?

Really easy to rationalise it when it’s not your Child- sucks if it’s yours

She’s nearly 6

I'd also agree it's better to focus on doing play dates. I don't particularly enjoy them but I try to facilitate at least 2 play dates a month and make sure it's a variety of children to ensure my child can play with a wide group of friends.

Then I wouldn’t worry, these aren’t super formed friendships yet

I sympathise I have an only child and host big parties and go out of my way to facilitate play dates and friendships but ultimately if the kids/mums don’t invite your child, they don’t invite your child. It’s tough and just one of those life lessons we all have to learn (usually multiple times!).

@byvirtue yes, very true. Although sometimes I find as I have one other parents with multiples are delighted when I offer to look after their child. Works both ways I guess.