Birthday parties - excluding my child

[Jellyfish7]

I feel silly typing this but can’t seem to shake the annoyance/hurt I feel about my daughter not being invited to a couple of the parties with her school friends.
I know you can’t be invited to everything but for me having an only child and putting the effort in with other parents to build her little network of friends may mean it stings more.
I found out one of the parties she hadn’t been invited to was a couple of weeks as one of the mums asked if I could take her daughter, not realising we hadn’t been invited (a bit awkward). And again it turns out she hasn’t been invited to another one. I know she’s not the only one not invited from her class so trying not to take it personally.
Just makes me feel sad for her and we’ve had the decency to invite both of these girls to her party, thinking be the bigger person.
I know I need to be the adult and accept that’s how it is, just irks me particularly as she’s an only and I’m keen for her to included.

Please try not to let it upset you. There are all sorts of reasons why a child might not be invited and right now cost is probably a concern for a lot of parents who might previously have spent £££ on big parties.

DD had a similar situation at junior school. Seemed to be on the periphery of a number of friendship groups and missed out on some parties. It was much harder for me than for her but hindsight is a wonderful thing and looking back it really didn't matter.

Fast forward a few years and the parties are forgotten, she is pretty resilient and accepts that not everyone can be invited to everything, and has a wide circle of friends both in and out of school.

My advice would be to keep friendships going with playdates etc. and encourage DD to have lots of friends. If she does sports or activities out of school that's a great thing. Girls can be horrible to each other sometimes and helping her to have a wide circle of friends and interests is healthy as she grows up. Eventually the 'best friends' will come.

Thanks @ChicoryDip this is reassuring to read. I know i need to be less sensitive but it’s only because I care so much about her. I remember growing up how horrible some girls can be!

We are currently planning a party for our DS. By the time we invite all the siblings and cousins there is genuinely only space for a few friends.
Try not to take it personally.

I think the situation discussed and responses from parents who comment that it is OK to be invited to a party and not return the invite, simply present bad manners. Unfortunately one has to accept that many people have poor manners - it is just the way it is. Someone made an insightful comment: many parents arrange the party for themselves and their friends’ children. I think this is true and think about it: they are so self-centred they try to choose the “right” friends for their child. Imagine the problems that lie ahead when the parents try to choose a degree, partner and so on. As for not being able to afford a party for all: there are ways around this-simply a smaller event so that people who have invited you don’t get excluded. Rude parents rationalise their behaviour. Polite people find a way around.

Are you genuinely saying that if one child has a full class party every single person in the class has to invite that child back? That's a cycle that could go on for years!

We had a couple of full class parties for my eldest, I did not expect invites back, especially as we live in a mixed area so am self aware enough to understand not everyone can afford or have the space for a big party.

My youngest gets overwhelmed by big parties so has always only had about 5 friends to his. He's been invited to a couple of full class parties and I think the parents are sensible enough to understand that not everyone can invite the full class.