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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Another second baby thread

29 replies

Mellowbee · 31/07/2021 15:14

I already have a 2 year old DD and my DH have decided after we come back from our holiday in a month we’ll decide if we want another DC. We both think if we don’t do it then we won’t ever do it because the age gap will be too big, we’ll be getting older and a general if we are going to do it we might as well do it then.

I’m an only child and if DH’s siblings have children it won’t be for a while so they’ll be quite far apart age wise and probably won’t see a lot of them so no cousins.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MrsFin · 31/07/2021 15:20

Ok.

(What do you want us to say?)

Original poster

Mellowbee · 31/07/2021 15:47

Pressed post too soon.

I have some days where Im 100% sure we should have a second baby. The other days when I’m 100% the other way. Is this normal?

We could afford a second and have plenty of space. I’d like to do the pregnancy and new born stage again.

But then I also like having a good nights sleep and find terrible 2’s a bit challenging

Would flipping a coin be an irresponsible way to decide?

OP posts:

MrsFin · 31/07/2021 15:53

It's as good a way as any other.
And if you flip a coin and it's heads, and you're disappointed, you'll know what you really want.

isthisouting · 31/07/2021 16:01

I was in your situation and just kept putting it off for reasons I didn't quite know why. I think like a PP said we just knew deep down it wasn't right for us.

DC is now nearly 3 and we are very early 40s so the ship has sailed! How old are you?

PS no regrets here - then again the pregnancy and newborn stage is not something I'd really like to do again!

SamMil · 31/07/2021 16:29

We're in the same position, but with a 3.5 year old! I think we've pretty much decided to go for it, as once we had another we'd never regret them, and otherwise we'd just go round in circles with trying to decide

Original poster

Mellowbee · 31/07/2021 16:44

I think if we had another one we wouldn’t regret it, but 5-10 years down the line we might regret not having another one.

But then on the other hand we could probably travel more and get more sleep if we stuck with what we have.DD still doesn’t sleep through the night

OP posts:

MuchTooTired · 31/07/2021 16:48

I think flipping a coin is an excellent way of deciding, or at least getting your gut feelings. If the coin says yes and you’re gutted, or the coin says no and you’re gutted you have the answer!

Original poster

Mellowbee · 31/07/2021 17:14

I honestly thought everyone would say I was ridiculous for flipping a coin!

OP posts:

ValancyRedfern · 14/08/2021 16:36

I agree flipping a coin is as good a way as any. It is generally good for unearthing gut feelings.

I would add though that it's perfectly possible to regret having a child, so I don't think avoiding regret is an automatic reason to go ahead. It's a taboo subject to talk about but there are semi regular threads on here filled with women who regret having first or subsequent children.

Plumtree391 · 14/08/2021 18:23

Lots of people have a five year gap between first and second child and I have not heard anyone say it is unsatisfactory, quite the contrary.

I had one child only and am not sorry, it all worked out well and my adult child is great. We originally intended to have a second but various circumstances changed our minds.

If you are not bothered either way, flipping a coin is as good a way as any to decide. However you are not committed to keeping that decision .

Only you and your husband can make up your minds, we can't.

Dinosaurballoon · 14/08/2021 18:37

If your unsure then don’t.

Just enjoy the 3 of you. It will be better in so many ways

Liverbird77 · 14/08/2021 18:40

I have two, with a 17 month gap, and it is hard but also brilliant.
I'd go for it, personally. I am an only child though, and hate it, so I was always going to have more than one if possible.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/08/2021 18:44

You don’t sound overly keen OP- maybe focus on tackling your current child’s sleep first

Yummymummy2020 · 14/08/2021 18:46

We had our second eight weeks ago, our other toddler was 15 months at the birth and it’s quite handy in that we don’t really know much different since number one is still so small. I think if we had a gap where we got fantastic sleep and our toddler was more independent we might have not wanted to start from scratch as much 😂😂😂 I can see benefits of course to a bigger gap but I just want to get the being pregnant end of things done with as I don’t particularly enjoy the experience!

WimpoleHat · 14/08/2021 18:47

My experience is that having two is much more difficult for the first couple of years….and then much easier after that. They play together and amuse each other a lot of the time, so I find travel etc a lot more relaxing and they have more fun. (Huge caveat here - my kids get on really well! I fully accept I am lucky with this and it isn’t guaranteed. But it’s been my experience.)

Jerseygirl12 · 14/08/2021 18:49

I would wait before deciding.

ShrimpingViolet · 14/08/2021 19:02

I was in exactly the same boat OP. In fact I think I started a thread about it. We also have a two year old DD.

We were 90% sure we were sticking at one. But then we had a very sad loss in our family and it just made us reassess. DP and his brother are very close and it was good for them to have each other for support through a stressful time.

Due DC2 in early March. I'm feeling absolutely knackered and wondering how the hell we will cope with two but I feel weirdly less terrified now we are doing it than I did at the thought of it, if that makes sense.

But I think either decision is good - whatever works for your family.

Cotswoldmama · 14/08/2021 19:08

Two really is such hard work. But like others have said definitely easier once the youngest is about 3! My boys are 3 years and 3 days apart and overall they get on really well. It means they've always got someone to play with and talk to. My eldest has a lot of friends that are only children and they always want to be doing stuff with him. Which is actually annoying for us because then were left with an only child who is harder to entertain alone! Their relationship is so sweet and its nice to know that they'll always have each other.

TaraRhu · 14/08/2021 22:33

I let fate decide and just came off the pill... 8 weeks later I was pregnant. Did Int think that it would happen that fast if at all. We weren't trying very hard and I was 38.

I have no regrets. 2nd pregnancy was tough but the baby bit is so much easier. Having two when you have a toddler isn't that bad. You hardly notice the baby as the toddler takes up so much attention. My son adores his sister too.

ISpyCobraKai · 14/08/2021 22:39

I'd say no.
This is the one child topic so I think if you want more, ask elsewhere.
You might want to think why people just have one.

BeeandG · 14/08/2021 22:59

I've got 2 with a nearly 4yr gap as was undecided about a 2nd. Then it just happened. I wasn't overjoyed at first about the pregnancy but got over it and aside from sickness all was fine. Dd1 was a poor sleeper which contributed to the age gap. Now dd2 will be 4 soon and is a delight. A much easier child than dd1 and slept better as a baby too.
They enjoy each others company most of the time and do play together. Dd1 also helps with dd2 even if it's just putting the tv on for her. I'm glad we have the 2 now and that they have each other.

melsw · 18/08/2021 14:22

Jumping on this thread as in a similar boat!

DS has just turned 4 and about to start school. We’d always only wanted one child but around April time I think it hit me about DS going to school and I started to imagine doing it again.

DH wasn’t keen but said he would think about it. He’s now decided he’s happy either way but we should go for it as he likes the idea of DS having a bigger family when he’s older.

I’ve booked an appointment to have my coil out on Monday and I’m now absolutely terrified at the thought of doing it all again and disrupting our lovely family dynamic but the thought of ruling it out makes me feel very sad.

I’m 39 so really feel like my age and the age gap with our DS means it’s now or never. I’ve never found anything so difficult to decide!

CustomerRelations · 18/08/2021 14:32

If you will regret not having one then do it? It's a leap in the dark as any baby is - no real way of knowing what your pregnancy or baby will be like. I found second time baby phase much easier because I knew more, was already a parent and DC2 was easier to care for in general.

You might get a baby who is a nightmare as a newborn but a dream as a 2yo, it's all a gamble! It won't be a re-run of your DC1.

BabyPotato · 18/08/2021 14:53

@melsw Are you actually me? Mine is starting school in a few weeks and I was completely one and done until about a year ago. I realised that he would start school and grow up and it made me really sad. My son was a difficult baby but I have had an amazing time with him since he was around 2.5 years old, and I would love to do it again. I also suddenly really wanted my son to have a sibling because he's such a wonderful, caring child and I feel that he would be a great brother. It hasn't helped that he's been asking for a baby sibling for about two years now. Haha.

DH gave me a hard no last year (we have had a tfmr before so I completely get where he was coming from) but we've talked and talked and he is willing to give it a go. I had my coil removed this week and it makes me feel weird. We're not quite TTC yet because of circumstances but hopefully in a couple of months. I'm approaching my late 30s too so it is now-ish or never really.

I hope it all goes well for you! It's really weird when you're adamant that you're only having the one and then suddenly your mind just goes "awwww I want to do it again!" But I guess that's the biological clock?

again2020 · 28/08/2021 07:58

I have no words of wisdom to add but I'm placemarking.
My DD will be 4 in December and I'm considering another one fleeting but more in the way that I might regret it if I didn't. I struggled hugely with being a mum and my partner isn't hugely supportive (for another thread) but I'm wondering if it would be good for DD as things have started to get much easier the last year or so .
Really is the hardest thing I've had to decide
How old are you OP? If your child is only 2 I think you could wait a while to decide.

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