Is it my fault?

[MamaOl93]

Yesterday my little boy was playing in the garden with my sister and she made a comment saying “he’s got only child syndrome”
I asked her what she meant, and she said because he said he wanted to play by himself.
I said that him being an only child wasn’t his fault
His father left me when I was very early pregnant we never saw him again.
Then my other sister said to me “no it’s your fault, for not having another child with someone else”
This has really shocked and upset me and I don’t know what to think?

• I have posted this thread on the “parenting” forum first, but I saw this forum and thought it was better asking here given that other one child families may have more insight for me?

It's not anybody's fault, it's just how it is. Ignore them and don't worry about it.

That's a bonkers thing to think but a horrible thing to say.
Is she normally a bit of a cow?

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit I don’t really know how to answer that but sometimes I get the feeling that she believes she’s a better mum/teacher to my boy than she is. Which obviously has nothing to do with the comment but.. yeah

Than I am* @Ihopeyourcakeisshit

If that's the feeling you get from her I would get that if your son had said to get "play with me, play with me" she would have said "He's got only child syndrome, he's lonely"
sounds to me like she's looking for an excuse to criticise.
I have an only, she's an older teen now, perfectly well adjusted with no syndromes whatsoever!

I would bet

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit yeah probably 😬 I’ve spoken about things that have happened previously with a friend of mine and she thinks I cannot win no matter what I do. xx

I think your friend is right.
If your sister continues to try and undermine your confidence, I would be swiftly telling her to mind her own business.
You've had your little boy under very difficult circumstances by the sounds of things, she should have your back.
Don't let her ridiculous comments make you doubt yourself.

What a stupid thing to say and hurtful, my children have 7 siblings and people comment on that too. There are pros and cons to siblings and the to being any only child. Neither is better , you child has all you attention , money and resources just for him.

How weird, I had an only child through choice. She played with whomever. How your child plays is not relevant to if they have siblings. Your sister sounds horrible.

I played on my own as a child, due to being the youngest of 6 siblings who were much older than me.
We're my parents supposed to have yet more children to keep me company?
Load of BS.

Only child syndrome isn't even real. Anyone can project and say a behaviour is caused by x,y,z. What if your son didn't like having a live in step father and a half sibling etc? Your sister's comment was inaccurate and cruel.

Plus, on every thread I've ever seen it's recommended that you don't have a child to give someone a sibling because they might not even get on.

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit I speak to my friend about what happens because my family watch my son the two days I work, and previously when I’ve argued back over things they’ve said to me - they (my dad) has then said he wouldn’t have my son so I had to take days off work, as I couldn’t go in. So I don’t say anything back anymore and just talk to my friend about it instead x

@MyDcAreMarvel @Bluntness100 I agree with your comments! I think it was unfair but also made me feel guilty for him but mostly hurt.

@Bumply Exactly 🙄😬 x

@Teentitansonloop honey, even if I did have another child with someone else, I would be criticised for probably doing just that. It’s exhausting x

In your position I would move mountains to prevent them from seeing DS ever again. Is there anyone else you can send them to? Childminders? You don’t need to take this kind of abuse

@GrumpyHoonMain the friend I mentioned previously has suggested that they would happily become my support bubble and watch my son for me whilst I work instead- and has actually suggested what you have suggested.
The only thing that is stopping me is the fear of what will happen if I do that.

[quote MamaOl93]@GrumpyHoonMain the friend I mentioned previously has suggested that they would happily become my support bubble and watch my son for me whilst I work instead- and has actually suggested what you have suggested.
The only thing that is stopping me is the fear of what will happen if I do that.[/quote]
Why do you have to fear anything? Just do it and never see them again.

@GrumpyHoonMain because when there was an argument once, I said I wasn’t coming over and my dad said “oh so you’re stopping us from seeing him now”

This was just over a decision not to go round one day, imagine what would happen if I did it permanently. Also, they would say I’m being wrong and ungrateful considering they watch him for me now.
It’s sad I know this will happen but it just will. This fear, I’m not good with confrontation

[quote MamaOl93]@GrumpyHoonMain because when there was an argument once, I said I wasn’t coming over and my dad said “oh so you’re stopping us from seeing him now”

This was just over a decision not to go round one day, imagine what would happen if I did it permanently. Also, they would say I’m being wrong and ungrateful considering they watch him for me now.
It’s sad I know this will happen but it just will. This fear, I’m not good with confrontation[/quote]
Block them

There is no such thing as only child syndrome, OP. Consequently, there is no "fault" in this situation, other than your sister, who is at fault for being a bitch. It's a shame that being a sibling didn't teach her anything about how to interact with other people.

I have an only child (teenager). Not through choice, but it's how things worked out. She is quite happy in her own company, but she is also extremely sociable and has a lot of friends. She has better social skills than most of the other kids I know. Believe me, there is nothing inherently damaging about being an only child.

Having an absolute bitch of a sister, on the other hand....

It sounds like your family are undermining you? Do you mind me asking if you had your son young? The only reason I ask is that my mum was in an almost identical situation to you when she had me. There was some criticism and she has told me since that there were times when she felt like the family failure.

Creating some distance helped and as I got older and more independent she was able to go back into work and build her own independence, friendship group and confidence. Although I do enjoy my own company I have grown up a reasonably confident and successful person and have a fantastic relationship with and a lot of pride for my mum and what she has achieved.

Raising a child alone is so hard, and nobody knows unless they've been in that situation themselves. You sound like a lovely and devoted mum and you have my utmost respect.

Oh and for what its worth, I think its a great life skill to be able to spend time alone. I know lots of people (adults) who get really anxious about doing the smallest tasks, like even have to go to bed at the same time as their partner every night.

Now that is a problem. Your son is just fine.

Oh and for what its worth, I think its a great life skill to be able to spend time alone. I know lots of people (adults) who get really anxious about doing the smallest tasks, like even have to go to bed at the same time as their partner every night.

Yes, indeed. I know people who have stayed in unhappy relationships for years because they are so afraid of being alone. Liking your own company is a good thing. It doesn't mean that you can't also enjoy being with others.