Is it my fault?

[MamaOl93]

Yesterday my little boy was playing in the garden with my sister and she made a comment saying “he’s got only child syndrome”
I asked her what she meant, and she said because he said he wanted to play by himself.
I said that him being an only child wasn’t his fault
His father left me when I was very early pregnant we never saw him again.
Then my other sister said to me “no it’s your fault, for not having another child with someone else”
This has really shocked and upset me and I don’t know what to think?

• I have posted this thread on the “parenting” forum first, but I saw this forum and thought it was better asking here given that other one child families may have more insight for me?

@AlexaShutUp Hi, your second paragraph where you say it’s how things worked out - is how I feel now too. I’m in a career with the NHS and that with the age gap and not having a partner etc just makes me know I would not have any more kids now.
That’s true... 😬

Your family sound tricky and undermining, it's a difficult situation to be in. How old is your DS? If he's not yet at school I would plan for a big change when he goes to school (or nursery) so that you don't need to rely on them for childcare. Do you receive child tax credits or universal credit? Both pay up to 85% of childcare costs.

Hi @HermitsLife - I was 23, I’m 28 now. I live at home with just my little boy. The only thing I can relate to there is the family failure - that I definitely am, or have been made to feel like it anyway.

Thank you for the kind comment there too!

Also I wouldn't let them know you're pulling away as they will probably try and make a big drama. Just to do it subtlety and gradually.

@Teentitansonloop yeah it’s definitely a tricky situation to be in. I’ve only confided in my friend and her partner fully about what’s been going on/said, and they both think they’re controlling and manipulative. My son goes to school this year and yes I do, he has a nursery place but I’ve currently got him due to covid worries - hoping to put him back in soon!

@Teentitansonloop yes that’s exactly what will happen lol. X

@Teentitansonloop thank you for sharing that, I’ll take a look!

Lol seems like we’re in similar situations! And aww thank you 💐 so glad I posted on here, if I had tried to talk to anyone my family knew then they’d just say “you shouldn’t bother them with this” or “why did you tell them this...” ☹️

Maybe he just doesn't much like your DS is and "I want to play alone" was a polite way of saying "I don't want to play withyou", and she has taken offence and relieved her feelings by a few hurtful words you.

Maybe she made unkind comments to him too, which are teaching him to avoid her?

Either way, she sounds like a cow.

@TheYearOfSmallThings Hi! So one sister of mine was playing with him when he said that to her, she was the sister who made the “only child syndrome” comment.

Then my other sister who was sat next to me, then went on to say about it being my fault etc. 😬

Got an only here (not through choice) and spent many hours feeling guilty about it. Can’t imagine the people who love me making me feel guilty too.
You need to set some very clear boundaries and explain comments like this will no longer be tolerated and your boy is just fine! Don’t beat yourself up

@TheFuckingDogs thank you 💐

I agree with everyone else. The issue is your sister. FWIW I have an only child who hates playing by herself. It’s a personality thing, not a number of siblings thing.

@TheSpanishApartment and I would not judge your child or say anything towards you or a similar situation if I knew someone. Everyone is different. 💐

Your sisters sound horrible

My son is an only by choice. He plays alone/with people -it just depends.

FWIW, I am one of 3. I did play with my brother quite a lot as a kid but not my sister as we didn't get on.

Sorry to hear you've been upset by these comments OP, they do seem insensitive

It's not anyone's fault - like others have said it's just how it is, I'm an only child and was lucky in that I made a strong friendship in primary school with a girl who is still my best friend now - we are like sisters. I don't think I'd of made such a bond with a friend if it wasn't for me being an only child.

Also, children with siblings like to play alone sometimes too, it's very normal for any child to want to do that in my experience regardless of having siblings or not

Your sisters should be more understanding but as long as you and your child are happy that's the most important thing!

Hi @PumpkinPie2016 & @Mumtogirls90 thank you both for your comments. This is the tip of the iceberg and have come to the realisation I cannot win in anything I do or say. 💐