Private education for one

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If you have an only child did you make a decision to send them to a private school, in part because you couldn't afford have afforded it for more than one? It's not a given yet but after fertility problems and then multiple miscarriages it looks highly likely DD will be an only. This has opened up private schooling as an option which we never really considered because we 'assumed' we'd have more. However we moved recently and there is a school nearby which seems like it would really suit her. State school options are good but there are no single sex options at secondary other than private. If we did this we look to start in the nursery next year. Just wondered if anyone had been through anything similar.

I'd say it really depends on your child and the school. It's fantastic that you're in this position and I'd love the be able to have that option for my child if possible I'd like to do state primary and private secondary. However, I think private primary would also be good if the child needs more help.

I'm dyslexic and went to a big state primary school where I was pretty much ignored and left to struggle alone so I think I'd have benefited from a private primary with smaller classes and the fact that my parents were paying fees so could ask more of the school. I feel this poor start had a detrimental impact on my entire education and confidence. However, a academic child without any additional needs may have done very well in that setting.

I spent a few years of my secondary education at private school and the small classes were a massive help and I did well enough in GCSEs and had caught up enough so that I was able to go back into state and do A levels. This sounds terrible but a private secondary education also means that your children will likely mix with other children with highly aspirational parents who are likely to push them. This could also be said of a grammar or many comps but peer group at that age does have a big impact. I was def the sort of teen who would have fallen in with the wrong crowd given the opportunity in a big school.

I will also add that my mixed education has given me a better grounding in life. I'd say it's ideal to have at least some state education as being privately educated the whole way through can make some children very naive, I saw it at the private school I was at.

Thanks @RiceMice definitely some things to consider. A couple of other factors are that as it happens the private school is the more ethnically diverse option. The state primary it's likely DD would go to is very very white while the private option seems to attract the children of parents who teach at local universities, work at the large teaching hospital etc (it's still pretty white though; this is not a diverse area). Also DD is what you might call an extreme summer born (if I'd crossed my legs she'd be the next year) so I do have concerns about how young she is going to be which does make the private option more attractive (with small class sizes etc)

In my primary years, I was at the local state school. Into my secondary years, I went to a private school which was not that local, but kids from my area attended and we got there by the bus which the school provided.

I would honestly say that primary years didn't make a difference as when I went for my interview and entrance tests, my learning was at the expected level.

What I did notice from my friends who attended the local state school, when I entered into the standard grades years (GCSE), our school skipped this level and went straight to intermediate 2 (I believe this is O level elsewhere), where as my friends at the other school went straight to Standard grades (Scotland). I also mixed with students of varying backgrounds as our school had the boarding option. I had class mates from China, Trinidad & Tobago, Nigeria, Australia etc.

I have always said to DH, if we could afford it, I wouldn't hesitate in putting my child into private education for their secondary years.

I would disagree with @Freezerrr regarding prep. I have 3 who have gone through prep and it has definitely been worth the money. The children are constantly assessed by the school just not in the form of SATS.

Also the extra curricular programme and sport is excellent. Also the wrap around care and small class sizes.

But would recommend looking around all the schools you are interested in and making a decision based on that.

The school we are looking at is straight through from 3 to 18 and she wouldn't have to sit the 11+ if she entered beforehand, although she would if we wanted her to join in year 7 (and if she were in state primary than I assume we would pay for tutoring). I am taking on board the comments about not being worth it in primary but given her age but the fact she is only going to be four and about 5 days when she starts reception I think good quality primary will make a huge difference. The quality of teaching is good and they do have a good provision for dyslexia although I don't think this is an issue for DD it's more just how young she'll be when she starts school. These comments are all food for thought though, but still wondering if anyone else has faced the same choice

Also just on the comments about school trips etc, I went to the kind of school where we didn't even do PGL, we didn't do Duke of Edinburgh or anything like that, so my personal experience of state education isn't that helpful

Being a summer born, have you considered deferring her start, so applying for her to join the following year? All summer born children have the right to do this, and being end of August it might be particularly appropriate for her?

Yes my daughter was privately educated from the age of four.

She had a great education and as much as I can’t say she wouldn’t have done so well at state, I don’t know obviously (she’s straight a or a star student, first in law and a trainee commercial lawyer), she may well have done, my objective was to give her every opportunity I could.

So I did. The small class sizes and the more individual tailored education the teachers put in, to bring her on, was worth every penny.

Everyone has a different view on this, but she is my only child and I wished to give her every single opportunity I could, irrelevant of how she then chose to live her adult life.

@FourCandelabras we've thought about it but she seems like a bright capable girl, and is quite big for her age so we're not concerned that she'll be a lot physically smaller than her contemporaries. I'm actually more worried about maturity which is why the social aspects of private school also appeal

@Bluntness100 I think this is the track I am on. She is my only child and likely the only I'll have. This wasn't my choice admittedly but now I am in this situation it does open up an option that I never thought would be possible. We couldn't have afforded this where we lived before (London) but now we are here and have spoken to the school a couple of times it seems like a really viable option.

Hi OP we were in a similar position, IVF only one, just finishing year 7 at local prep and off to the senior school in September. We did think that with just the one, because this meant we could, that we would - and we have no regrets. Primary is so important IMHO, sets the foundation and he has had such a great start. Good luck!

I would defer whether private or secondary, there are no real advantages to not doing so.

@toothfairynemesis sorry, not sure what you mean?

Sorry I meant private or state! Not secondary.

Do you mean defer starting school? We're thinking about it but not completely decided

Yes I deferred by August born ds, he is in year two currently rather than year three. Really happy with our decision. He matured so much having the extra year at nursery and really benefitted from the extra year of play based learning.
At the other end I think it’s much better that he won’t be going to uni as soon as he turns 18. I have a September born adult dd and it was positive for her to be the oldest in her cohort through her schooling and university.

*my

I see this thread is a couple of months old but thought I’d add my thoughts anyway.
Firstly sorry to hear about your miscarriages OP.

I’m a primary school teacher and have taught in both state schools and independent prep schools.

State schools offer the benefits of mixing with a wide variety of children, including children with additional needs and from a wide variety of backgrounds. However naturally teachers have less time per student and there are less resources.

Prep school offers the benefits of more attention, lots of extra activities, Specialist teachers for languages sports etc, but are not immune to bad behaviour, bullying etc. They are also not a ticket to having a super high achieving child.

Broadly I would say the teaching quality in both settings was similar. Independent schools tend to buy into more teaching schemes so the lessons were consistent but not always creative. State had less resources but lots of young newly qualified enthusiastic (cheap) teachers.

I would say the most important thing to consider is whether your dd would be well suited to the independent environment. It is super fast paced, high expectations and sometimes a little tough. Unfortunately I taught a few children who, although had passed the entrance exams, really struggled to keep up.

As a side note, in my classes in the prep school there were a high proportion of only children.

I’m sure your LO will be fab wherever they go to school x

Do state primary and amazing holidays in my view. My dd is in private secondary. I genuinely think primary is a waste of money for infants. Maybe think about moving in year 5 or 6. Spend the money on extra curricular stuff (or save it so secondary isn't such a squeeze).