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One-child families

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Original poster

Eating in front of tv.. how to stop

61 replies

rhgs · 17/05/2020 08:37

We have one dc. Both work. We have slipped into a bad habit where dc eats his meals in front of the tv, in the morning as we are getting ready ( I don't eat breakfast and dh grabs something at work) and in the evening because we eat later when he is in bed. We do eat together on weekends but he is reluctant to sit at our dining room table on his own in the week understandably or even with us now as he enjoys watching his tv programmes.Since lockdown we have been working from home and I want to try and break this cycle but he won't come and sit with me for breakfast or lunch. He says he prefers having his lunch in front of the tv! We are spending lots of time together all day and other than at these times talk and play and try and home school etc but Im worried about this long term. What do you do with your onlies, do you all eat together? How can I change this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FortunesFave · 17/05/2020 08:40

Unplug the tv. It doesn't matter what he prefers.

Tell him no...this is how it is now.

bluefoxmug · 17/05/2020 08:41

more than one dc here, but for us one mealtime a day we all eat together (usually dinner).

all other meals are eaten without screens at the dining table without screens. (mainly because I don't want crumbs on the sofa)

you are the parent. switch off the tv and sit down with dc at the dinner table.

VaselineOnToast · 17/05/2020 08:43

I agree with @FortunesFave. Don't make it a choice. Talk to him about it though - for a long time we have been doing X but now we're going to do Y because...

Let him have his (loud, messy) feelings about it, then stick to the new routine.

ErrolTheDragon · 17/05/2020 08:45

Do you really need to change this?

Tbh we didn't all eat together during most of DDs childhood/adolescence and it doesn't really seem to have done any of us any harm.

Eating together at the table was mainly for special meals - a Sunday roast for instance, or the sort of food you assemble at the table or share.

It might be an issue if mealtimes were the only time you might spend together but as that's not the case why does it matter?

ErrolTheDragon · 17/05/2020 08:47

(Of course, eating other than at the table was conditional on not making a mess)

FATEdestiny · 17/05/2020 08:48

in the evening because we eat later when he is in bed

You need to change this. There has to come a time when you eat your evening meal together as a family. I get that when you have a toddler eating child's-food type meals then you eat desperately. But soon enough the child should be eating more adult type food. Assuming you are DH eat together, it makes logical sence to cook extra for DC and eat together.

Is your dining table in the same room as the tv or a different room?

In our family, I'm alright with TV on for breakfast and lunch, but we eat at the table. But evening meal / dinner we always have tv off and sit at the table. Just turn the tv off and say no. It'll soon be accepted as the norm.

Mydoglicksplates · 17/05/2020 08:48

It's lonely to sit at the table and eat alone, can you eat with him, when mine were little I used to have a bowl of soup whilst they had dinner so we still ate together in the week. Can you eat in the garden now the weather is nice?
Decide what you want and then start from Monday. For us breakfast in front of the telly is allowed but lunch and dinner is at the table.

SquashedFlyBiscuit · 17/05/2020 08:51

I can understand he wouldnt want to sit at the table on his own.

Eat together, talk to him and involve him. Make it a time to connect and talk about the day or what you're doing.
If it feels difficult to begin with there are some fun conversation starter cards a friend had ("if you could travel anywhere where would you go and why? What is the tallest buiilding you've been in? Whats your faboirite season and why?) You could write your own and take it in turns to pull out.

Dragongirl10 · 17/05/2020 08:51

Unplug the Tv, explain briefly, repeat as necessary, stay calm....but you must either eat as a family or have a small something and sit with him at the table.

Magpiefeather · 17/05/2020 08:51

How old is your DC?

I have an almost 3 year old, in my opinion the only way to do it is to eat together wherever possible. I know it might be tricky but I would try and at least do breakfast together. Even if you just have a piece of fruit, sit together at the table. A sticker chart for good mealtimes? Set expectations beforehand (to get your sticker you need to show me how nicely you can sit at the table and eat your breakfast for example).

if my DD is not in the mood for sitting still and eating nicely at the table we basically try and distract her into it... so will give her a special job of setting the table. She will put out placemats, napkins and cutlery, and wipe the table. We also put on music sometimes (relaxing classical works wonders!) . If she has to sit and wait for us to finish our meals and she is fidgety I sometimes get out some crayons and paper like in a restaurant, or play I spy to keep her at the table.

So basically make eating at the table as nice and special as possible. You could even try some themed nights... eg making fajitas you could get DC to help you decorate the table with Mexican inspired decorations?

Also again I know it’s time consuming but if you can get DC involved in the cooking they will be more invested in everyone enjoying their food. Even if she’s only done something small, lots of comments like “mmm this pasta sauce is yummy, whoever peeled the onion must have done a really good job” or whatever.

It will take effort to start with but will become second nature!

Obviously if your DC is older you may just have to lay down the law and tell them you’re changing the habit and you’re all going to eat at the table now.

Ooh also I would try and not have the TV son right before dinner. Then you don’t have the battle of the DC not wanting it turned off. If they are helping with the cooking and then they set the table and you all go sit down it’s more of a natural progression and the TV wont be missed?

Wow that’s long. I realise these might not all work for you but just giving a few ideas that sprang to mind.

FrangipaniBlue · 17/05/2020 08:54

I can understand wanting him to eat at the table if you're sitting down together, but if you're not actually eating with him I don't understand why the need to force him to sit at the table on his own.

What does it matter if he eats in front of the tv?

VaselineOnToast · 17/05/2020 08:57

Forgot to answer second part of the post.

We have an only child as well. Eating together is really important to me. I grew up in a household where we all ate "together" in front of the TV. I've always felt like it severed the chance to connect with one another. Meals are social to me. Plus if you're focussing more on the TV than on the food, you end up eating mindlessly.

As a rule, we all eat lunch and dinner together when we're at home, at the table.

As my son wakes at the crack of dawn, sometimes he'll have cereal on his own for breakfast. And if DH and I want to have dinner together without DS, I'll sit with DS while he eats.

DS sometimes gets to eat a meal in front of the TV but only once in a blue moon as a treat.

AlexaShutUp · 17/05/2020 09:00

Tbh, I wouldn't want to eat alone at the table either. Can't you all eat together in the evenings?

Waitingforboristoletusfree · 17/05/2020 09:04

I think you should eat together, or leave it how it is. But I think it’s important to eat together and talk.

Mumof1andacat · 17/05/2020 09:27

Why do you and your partner eat later? Why dont you all eat together? I get home from work at 5:30 and on the way home pick up ds from after school club. Dh is generally already at home so has started dinner. We eat together about 6. We keep weekdays meals simple so not lots of cooking time. Things are bit different at the minute but we always make the effort to sit together and eat at the table

Mrsjayy · 17/05/2020 09:33

He has the company of the tv you either need to be around him when he is eating so he doesnt get lonely and switch offthe telly or leave him where
He is, why are you eating later in the evening ?

CherryPavlova · 17/05/2020 09:36

I can think of all sorts of reasons to ensure he usually eats at a table.

decent table manners. It’s almost impossible to learn to use cutlery properly without a firm surface.
role modelling unfussy eating
cleaner sofa
better posture for a short while
better food hygiene. Hands washed and sit at table immediately, not touching other things.
adult child conversation
time away from screens
safer with reduced risk of scalding or choking. How does one eat soup on a sofa?

Turn the television off. It’s not about what he wants. It’s an ideal opportunity for shared lunches and suppers. I imagine you don’t have the television on for breakfast.

Original poster

rhgs · 17/05/2020 09:36

Dc is 7

We don't get home from work until 6.15 most nights (ds is in after school club) and starving as soon as he gets in. He has a small snack there.

I give him tea as soon as we get through the door and then we bath him read a book and he goes to bed at 7.30 ish

Then dh and I eat about 8.30 ( in front of tv!)

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 17/05/2020 09:41

If you are sitting in front of the tv then why do you want your son to be different?

rottiemum88 · 17/05/2020 09:49

*We don't get home from work until 6.15 most nights (ds is in after school club) and starving as soon as he gets in. He has a small snack there.

I give him tea as soon as we get through the door and then we bath him read a book and he goes to bed at 7.30 ish

Then dh and I eat about 8.30 ( in front of tv!)*

Feeling hunger sometimes is a good thing and helps to regulate appetite hormones so you eat intuitively when you're actually hungry rather than out of habit. Having him wait once you get in while you cook dinner and can then all eat together really isn't going to kill him and could actually be a positive thing. At 7 it also seems quite old to be fed alone before the adults, couldn't you also put his bedtime back slightly to accommodate? Beyond toddler age I was definitely eating with my parents at the table every night, it's an important habit to get into where you can I think

Original poster

rhgs · 17/05/2020 09:50

We are knackered at 8.30 and just want to chill but we watch together and talk about stuff what we are watching etc

I just think it's bad for him to be on his own in front of the tv

OP posts:

qwertypie · 17/05/2020 09:52

Meal prep beforehand for busy evenings has been a lifesaver for us. We tend to cook enough of a couple meals to have leftovers for dinner. Just shove in the microwave. Eliminates a lot of stress in the evening & you can all eat together.

00100001 · 17/05/2020 09:56

"What does it matter if he eats in front of the tv?"

Because people are distraction when watching TV and can easily over eat, because they miss their full up cues. There's a reason why experts say 'no screens' when eating. This is partly why kids and adults are obese.

Sit down together with your son for dinner. Why can't you eat at 6:30 with your son?

bluefoxmug · 17/05/2020 09:58

so you eat in front of tv but expect dc not to?

I agree with pp. have one meal a day together, at the table. no tv - no devices.
talk about the day.

Mumof1andacat · 17/05/2020 09:59

Why cant you all eat when you get in? Do you cook twice? What time does your partner get home?

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