Eating in front of tv.. how to stop

[rhgs]

We have one dc. Both work. We have slipped into a bad habit where dc eats his meals in front of the tv, in the morning as we are getting ready ( I don't eat breakfast and dh grabs something at work) and in the evening because we eat later when he is in bed. We do eat together on weekends but he is reluctant to sit at our dining room table on his own in the week understandably or even with us now as he enjoys watching his tv programmes.Since lockdown we have been working from home and I want to try and break this cycle but he won't come and sit with me for breakfast or lunch. He says he prefers having his lunch in front of the tv! We are spending lots of time together all day and other than at these times talk and play and try and home school etc but Im worried about this long term. What do you do with your onlies, do you all eat together? How can I change this?

Dh and I have always eaten separately from the dc during the week as dh doesn't get home until about seven and dc have various activities.

I've always just sat at the table with them.

It's all about your values. There is no inherent harm in him eating a meal in front of the tv if he would be eating alone anyway.

If you want to have a family meal, then establish one and stick to it. Dinner at 7.30, all together? Slow cookers are great for this - you can have stew, etc, ready to go when you walk in the door from work and club/school (when this eventually applies!).

But it seems like maybe this isn't a big value for you (you and dh are eating in front of the tv), but you think it should be. It's a big deal in our family, but it isn't for lots of families. That's okay.

We have an only child. She's an older teen now but even from being young we made eating together a priority.

No one really wants to eat alone. It's not great even as an adult, even if someone sits with you it's just not the same.

We eat around 7pm as a family. When dd was in infants it was a little earlier around 6:30pm.

Dd would have a smallish snack after school, and then a smaller portion at the evening meal if she wasn't as hungry as a result.

Weekends and holidays were more flexible anyway, but that was our routine for work days. Even now dd is 18y she/we eat our evening meal,together at the table at 7pm most of the time.

I have two dc but if for some reason only one is eating I always sit with them whilst they do so. All our meals are eaten at the table, for us it's always been breakfast together as the evenings are more varied (Pre-lockdown!)

I was going to say that under current lockdown circumstances it probably doesn't matter that much and is something you could work on when DC is older, but my frame of reference is my 2 year old who often has dinner in the lounge with the TV on because she eats it at about 5pm and in a high chair. But if your DC is 7, I'd have thought you could definitely all eat together at the table?
Then couldn't you and DP just have a dessert/cup of tea together in front of the tv later when DC is in bed? To replace having your evening meal at that time/still have something together in the evening. I know I'm really attached to having our evening meal together without DD as our time to ourselves, but as she gets older we'll definitely involve her properly in family dinner time and just have our couple time together later, minus the food.

Eat together morning and evening. Simple.

We couldn't eat dinner together as we often don't get through the door until 6.30 sometimes later .

Ds normally has pasta or jacket or leftover from whatever we had night before with veg so his tea takes 15 mins to cook

We then start cooking our tea and bath him read book chat about our days so he is in bed 7.30-8

Is that too early a bedtime for a 7 yo?

I thought most people ate later than their kids if they are working long hours

My problem is ds is our only so it's not so much him watching tv but eating on his own that bothers me ( and I also have read about obesity link)

If we had two kids them both eating in front of the tv occasionally wouldn't bother me as much but then I would probably insist they eat at the table together

Also I don't want to eat as soon as I get in knowing I've got stuff to do for the morning and got to bath ds and get him to bed. I like to sit down and eat and relax later

We do talk lots and spend time together at bath and bed time just not that 20 mins or so when he's eating his tea

I might try sitting with him with a snack or cup of tea at the table .. that might work thanks

I am finding it quite hard in lockdown with an only and working full time as I have to be everything to him his teacher and his playmate etc and it is exhausting

I think having multiple kids might be easier in this situation as at least they can play together

We have just one DC at home. We eat dinner together at the table every day. Other meals are not taken together & I don’t care where they are eaten as long as they are cleared up. This works for us.

I think you need to make time to eat at the table together, not force him to eat alone at the table.

I think it's unreasonable to want your child to eat alone at the table, because you don't want to eat your meals either at the table or at the same time. Why should it be one rule for you and a different rule for him?

We couldn't eat dinner together as we often don't get through the door until 6.30 sometimes later

Of course you can.

Get a slow cooker.
Make meals that don't take long to cook.
Make a meal the day/weekend before so you only have to heat it up.
Get chips/takeaway on the way home (one in a while obvs).
Use the timer on the oven to cook a baked potato.

It really doesn't take long to make a meal.

You've said it yourself:

Ds normally has pasta or jacket or leftover from whatever we had night before with veg so his tea takes 15 mins to cook

Eat the same as him.

If you value having a meal together, then estabish 7ish as mealtime. You and dh will need to shop/cook/pre-prep/freeze to make this happen. Obviously you will need to make some changes to your evening routine to make this happen.

If your dc is in bed by 8.30, and asleep by maybe 9, then waking at - maybe 7? - that's 10ish hours of sleep.

If having a meal together isn't worth it to you for the changes you have to make, then accept it and stop beating yourself up. Stoo trying to reach an ideal that you don't, ultimately, care enough about to make it happen.

I kind of agree with @Bestof7 it seems like you have pretty flimsy reasons for not eating together, if you don't want to change the current set up, stop beating yourself up. If the worst thing that happens to your DC is watching tv at dinner time, I think you'll all probably be fine, if you don't want to change the situation, don't change it, it will evolve eventually as he gets older anyway

I still don't see why you can't all eat dinner together...

Just get in, make dinner and eat it together. Cooking pasta and making a salad doesn't take long.... And you can just use a jar sauce.

Your excuses are poor

You need to plan your weekday meals so that you can eat with DS, so stuff that cooks quickly. Pasta and sauce, stir fry, fajitas, slow cooker curry, home made pizza (dough can be made in a bread maker while you are out or buy the ready made bases and put your own toppings on top). If you go into BBC Good Food and type in 20 minutes you will get lots of recipes that take 20 minutes or less.

90% of the (from scratch) meals I cook for my family are prepared and cooked in 30-40 minutes.

The basics of a portion of meat (chicken breast, lamb steak, pork chop etc) are cooked under the grill on 20 min. Vegetables prepped in 5-10 mins and steamed in 20-30 min.

Or you have things like bolognese, carbonara, quick curry, savoury mince, - sauce with rice or pasta type meals. These are all cooked in 15-30 mins.

You are making excuses not to start cooking / eating as a family OP.

I'm wondering if you are overloading your night routine. Does your 7 year old really need to be bathed? Can he not manage that himself? I have three dc ( youngest now 11) and I didn't have to bath them myself at that age. Surely better to skip that and have the extra time to eat with him at the table and your DH ( if he isn't home in time ) can eat later by the tv ( with your good company of course). That's what I always did and it was good to get into the habit of having an earlier evening meal, better for the digestion.
You can imagine how many clubs and things I have to get the kids to normally on weeknights but we always manage to eat together, it's really great to have that time to talk about the day together.

No offence but I don't see why you can't just have a normal family mealtime around a table. Not that I am in a position to criticise or anything.

My problem is ds is our only so it's not so much him watching tv but eating on his own that bothers me ( and I also have read about obesity link)

Actually, eating in front of the TV has a significant link to obesity.

If you don't want to eat with him then you have to at least sit with him and chat/engage while he eats.

But honestly it's much easier just to eat together. It just means shifting everything around for a few years until he's older and has a later bedtime.

Please eat together. I meal prep at the weekend, we then have one or 2 quick pasta meals a week and perhaps pizza. Then the meals I pre made. I was an only child and I never left my dc when they were young to eat on their own. I hated it as a child, it was so lonely.

Because people are distraction when watching TV and can easily over eat, because they miss their full up cues. There's a reason why experts say 'no screens' when eating. This is partly why kids and adults are obese.

What utter bollocks.

it's up to the adult to put an appropriate size portion of food on the child's plate and to self regulate how much they put on their own plate before they sit down to eat.

Blaming being "distracted by the tv" is a piss poor excuse for a lack of self control.

We had lunch together today .. ds helped make it which made him more engaged in it. He asked can I still have some tv time and I said after lunch. I said this I nice isn't it and he agreed and I said can we do it every day and he said maybe once a week!

Going to persevere though.. thanks for all the advice

Blaming being "distracted by the tv" is a piss poor excuse for a lack of self control.

self control around food is a learned behavior. a child learns by not being distracted by the tv.

Well done rhgs! Starting by having lunch together rather than full flung all the meals at once sounds a good plan.

@FrangipaniBlue

Blaming being "distracted by the tv" is a piss poor excuse for a lack of self control.

(a) 3 year olds are not famous for their self-control

(b) there's strong evidence of a link between eating in front of the TV and over eating. E.g.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.medicalnewstoday.com/amp/articles/316781

We live in an highly obesogenic society. The world didn't get significantly fatter in the last 50 years because of a sudden loss of self-control