Feeling guilty on lockdown with my only ..

[hmmm123]

I've just posted about ideas to help with this but I just wanted to see if anyone felt this way really

I've been feeling guilty for ages about not providing ds with a sibling. We tried and failed. This lockdown situation has accentuated my feelings massively as obviously now he sees no other children and just dh and I

We try and play with him but it's not the same as other children

Does anyone else feel like this?

I am in the exact same situation and feel the exact same way. I just keep reminding my child this won't be forever and try mix up the days and do lots together. No advice, just that you are not alone

I used to worry about this (single parent too) but he’s 17 now and I can hear him upstairs giggling online with his friends (from when they were at primary school...they all live miles away but have stayed friends). I know from our grown up perspective it looks like they need friends their own age, and that’s great, but don’t assume he’ll be worrying about the same things. I’m sure he’d enjoy have friends or a sibling right now but he’s got you and his dad, enjoy playing and learning together...relax and have fun...that will be what he remembers

I'm struggling with this so much right now, we were in the middle of adoption application which is now on hold indefinitely and I'm just so frustrated. I feel awful that he has no kids to play with. He's only 3.5 and was starting to really settle in nursery and get confident at making friends, I'm worried the longer this goes on the more damage will be done to his social skills. He's started desperately trying to talk to all the neighbours over the hedges just to have someone else to talk too!

If it helps you feel any better, I've a 19 month and 3 month old and I'm feeling guilty that I'm not able to give the toddler what he needs (high energy, stimulating play) and the baby what he needs (uninterrupted feeds/sleep/play of a different kind).

Good to know we are all feeling this...

Today I gave him a box to decorate with stickers which he enjoyed and then we all coloured in Easter egg pictures, played football and made cakes so I feel better.

It just the days in the week when're both work from home and have maybe a 30 min break that I feel really crap about ...

Sorry about your adoption application getting cancelled @Fakinit03

Bit of a late reply to this but I’m feeling exactly the same OP!

7 year old only DS here in a flat while I’m trying to simultaneously WFH - it’s not going well let me tell you...

He’s a very sociable boy so is really missing his school mates, football, sleepovers etc. Trying to make things as exciting/fun as possible for him but feeling so guilty that he doesn’t have a sibling to pass the time with.

I’ve been setting up lots of FaceTime calls for him with his school mates and cousins etc which seems to help a little bit.

@hmmm123.. hello, remember me?! I remember you. I wanted to say you're def not alone here. We were unsuccessful at ttc no.2 and so here we are with DS who's 6. I'm always posting here to find those in similar situations. There are surprisingly alot. It's not uncommon any more to have an only. I was listening to the kids next door fighting (a boy and a girl) and that made me feel better as at least we don't have the quarrels!
It's very hard though isn't it, to have to always be no.1 playmate. DH has to study all day so when i'm not here i have to play and occupy DS all day. It's particularly difficult atm with this lock-down. Keep posting here and we can keep each other going!
Best wishes x

I’m with you guys !! Honestly I feel so rubbish about it, I was in tears yesterday. Watching him play alone while I’m trying to quickly write a few emails, singing to himself... so adorable but it breaks my heart. Don’t really know what to do about feeling this way either

@hmmm123.. i know. But something positive is we're all in it together and feeling the same! It's a bitter sweet pill

Sorry this was meant for @Deer246

I wish we all lived close and our little ones could part of a little family. :) I also suffer with health anxiety do worry so much about something happening to me. Consumed with worry these days!

@Deer246.. Yes we're usually all scattered across the 4 corners of the country that's true.
Same here! I have horrendous health anxiety and it's been worse since DM passed away with cancer. Having a child really heightens it too.

I’m really sorry to hear about your mum. I think mine got triggered really bad after losing my brother and having my DS. I worry about what would happen to him should anything happen to me. I just want to raise him and then I’m not that bothered.

Be kind to yourself. You don’t have to replace other children any more than other parents do. All children are having a lot less socialisation with their peers than normal. Remember it’s not forever and that all parents are struggling with this, not just parents of onlies. He will love having your time and attention but will benefit from learning how to occupy himself sometimes. As long as he has things to do and times when he can just be silly with you, he’ll be alright so try not to worry too much. I have a only too and I understand the challenge of having to be a play mate too but when I’ve talked to my mum friends, I get the impression that dd is having as good a time if not better than her friends with siblings. We had a water fight in the garden the other day and she said it was the best day ever!! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, sounds like you’re doing just fine xx

Yes.
DS7 only child. He’s really sociable and loves school and play dates. He’s not getting on with FaceTime and is finding it really hard.
I’m not working so try to keep him occupied.
He seems better this week actually.

We are using cuddly toys as a bit of a proxy (obviously it wouldn’t be a good idea if there were other options) - three of four favourite cuddlies already had quite developed personalities and voices so we are running with it and supporting whole conversations and interactions with and between them, especially in “school” periods, to give him a peer group to interact with that are equals, not in authority. In particular, he loves it when the naughtier ones are cheeky and get into trouble and he can be the good one.

Thanks so much everyone, you bring me so much comfort. He does get so much attention and I guess that can only be a good thing. I guess the flip side of that is my health anxiety and I worry he will get so attached to me then what if something happens to me. Just can’t win

@BooseysMom hi! Yes I remember you from the other thread. Good to hear from you.

I think the problem is I felt quite guilty before the lockdown about not giving him a sibling and now this has highlighted it even more, coupled with trying to work in a busy stressful job ( which has got even busier because of this situation) I feel like I am ignoring him and he is having way more screen time than I would like.

I can really relate to your comment @Deer246 I work overlooking our garden and feel so sad when he is out there kicking a ball around on his own

My two (both teens) haven't even spoken to each other I don't think since lockdown! ... apart from the odd kick around in the garden and occasional insults as the pass each in the landing.

Not all siblings are sat round the table playing games together - please don't beat yourself up 🌸

I was feeling bad about this too -- especially as we moved countries a few months ago and DS (8) was only beginning to settle into a school and a new education system, and make friends, until he made it very plain he's having a great time, loves being off school, loves having us both around all the time (even though we're both working from home).

@Deer246.. thank you. Sorry to hear about your brother. I feel the same. i just want to make sure DS is ok and looked after if anything was to happen to us.

@Rainbowb.. i'm not the op but your words provided some comfort to me too so thank you

@hmmm123..yes that's exactly what i feel! That i felt guilty before the lock-down and now its just heightened the guilt and yes, DS also has far too much screen time. Even his school work is mostly all on a screen. It's no good for him.

This morn we had an argument as he insisted i play car chases as soon as i woke up! I said no, you'll have to wait til after my coffee! That didn't go down well and so he then moved onto his dad who never gets up before 9! Just one of the many rubbish days really!

@FabulouslyElegantTits.. what you say helps loads so thank you!

@booseysmum it’s hard isn’t it? I used to be so carefree I don’t think I will ever be like that again, not that I’d want to my DS is my world but I just want some peace of mind. I’m trying to keep money aside for him just incase anything should happen but it’s the love care and attention that breaks my heart. Where would he get that?!

Just remember, as parents it’s not our job to make our children’s lives perfect. It is our job to teach them strength, resilience and good humour in times of difficulty. If they learn that everyone feels things like boredom, fear and frustration and how to manage those feelings then they’re learning important life lessons.

@Rainbowb.. thanks for the post. That's a really valid point that people tend to forget in their quest to create the perfect set-up for their dc.