Tearoom (the 38th) - some help taking off the dust sheets?

[HelloMist]

I like the idea of a tearoom again, mentioned by MaudAndOtherPoems on another thread. Can anyone that remembers the old ones help us get the place looking welcoming again? Equally if you are new to the tearoom idea like me and would like a place to pop in for ongoing chatter rather than specific threads, welcome. Make yourself a drink.

< Turns coffee machine back on, pulls dust sheets off the sofas, opens the blinds >

Hello! I haven't been brave enough to post before - maybe because it's another step on the path to committing to being one and done? I've started selling the baby clothes - still have the snuzpod and the lovely pram though. I'll have to work up to those!

I totally get the thing about looking at toddler groups and feeling sad/unsure - each time we finish a class for the last time I do have a wobble. But I am definitely missing doing the activity with my daughter specifically.

My issue is not so much never experiencing it all again -I'm happy with that - it's the knowing I've put my daughter/DP in that position. I played a lot with my sister and friends growing up, although we have little contact now, and when I remember how much we used to just go off and play I feel bad for my DD.

Sorry you feel like that Avocado. I hope those feelings ease with time and that you learn to focus on the positives. Bad days aside, I think I'm learning to.

Does she get to mix with other children? Is she at nursery or school yet?

I've tried to give DD opportunities to interact with other children (baby groups, play dates, playground) and I think it's helped her confidence around others (adults as well). And school is building on that.

Life without siblings is just different, sometimes worse but often better. At times another child's company at home might have been a nice thing but playing alone can be good for them in a way... learning imagination and independence. And more peaceful usually. (I do feel guilty the times I don't feel like playing with her though if she asks). School friends their own age have advantages over an age gap though they aren't there all the time/close by.

I see a smiley in my post on the website but gin on the app!

@HelloMist..responding late sorry but thank you for the kind words and i'm sorry too you felt upset. Yes i totally get how you feel and certain times of the month i feel wretched! Weirdly it's not bad atm as there was a mum with a newborn at a party and i barely batted an eyelid! Must be menopause hitting. I think though what you say about missing all the stuff you used to do with DD is right and i feel the same when I think back to the early days with DS. It's more that than the desire for another and anyway i know i'm too old now. The guilt can be a killer though thinking back to when i should have tried harder but things are what they are. I've been on another thread about having a baby at 45 and i was surprised at the high percentage saying the OP was being unreasonable. Like me she had one young child and just wanted a sibling for him. It wasn't like she had loads of kids already!

Does anyone want another ‘only child?’ I’ve got one here that is driving me nuts (teenagers huh 🙄). He’s good really - can cook and has a reasonable standard of hygiene...

@AvocadoSink.. Welcome to the tearoom! I totally feel the same way.The guilt can be the worse thing. I had a chance but didn't take it. I was too scared as there were so many things not in our favour. I hope you find some peace with having one. I don't feel so bad atm but it can change at any time

Thanks @BooseysMom and @HelloMist.

DD goes to school in September and I'm hoping friends and play dates fall into place. I've found the socialising part hard as much as I've tried (my own issues here are part of the problem). The friends I made at baby group who are still nearby have all had second kids which have made get togethers harder for various reasons (and of course the siblings have each other). DD is very bad at playing independently - but I tell myself that even with baby sibling now she'd still have to. I am welling up just reading this as I can only hope it gets better!

I can't imagine how much more knackered I'd be dealing with two kids and am positively conscious as to how much more we can do with just one: Days out can already be expensive- I like to think that we can buy nice lunch (instead of taking it) for the ticket cost of an extra child ;-)

@Lordfrontpaw I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to the 'leave me alone I hate you' years or not!

@urbosa.. Welcome and well done for finding the strength to post. It's a positive step towards finding peace with your decision or the circumstances you find yourself in. For years i was on a 40 ttc thread but i felt like a fraud as i wasn't really trying as i was too scared because the circumstances we were in were too insecure for another child.. and still are in fact. The selling of baby clothes and equipment were really tough. It took years and then i donated alot of stuff to the nct. I remember feeling really bad about getting rid of some of DS's first baby toys and actually went to sales looking for them to buy back! It's just the hardest step. It really helps that there are threads like this where there are others feeling the same as you. I hope you feel more positive soon. Remember where we are

@ AvocadoSink We’re lucky it’s not that but more Mr Debate everything (he’s a good kid really but it’s exhausting!)

welcome Urbosa and Lordfrontpaw. :)

Urbosa I've been selling/giving away clothes past the 2 year size, but will find younger sizes and the buggy harder. :(

Met up with 2 mums with their seconds (older ones at nursery). My child was at school. I brought a couple of baby toys I still have, knowing that the novelty of new ones can keep them amused better. I carried the coffee tray across the café. Also walked holding one of their hands while the mum went to the loo. Proud of myself I think for handling it and not finding it too hard. I appreciated one of the 2 mums steering conversation away from babies and asking about me or my daughter a few times though so I wasn't left out.

Well done @HelloMist, and sounds like they are conscious of being inclusive (surely by the second you don't need to talk about babies all the time anyway?!).

Thank you, Avocado. One isn't as conscious because she wants to talk to the other about this age (the 2 are close in age) but I knew it wasn't her intention to be inconsiderate. I think with a gap of a few years you forget a lot! And the second children are different in some ways from their first or doing things earlier, so there still seems to be a lot to say. Second ones will be at school next year so we spoke about that too.

How is everyone's week going?

@HelloMist.. hi, it's going well thanks! How about yours? I'm feeling quite level mood-wise atm! Just finishing AF. My mood tends to get wobbly mid month onwards

BooseysMom That's good! Good as well, thanks. I had quite a busy day and sometimes feel all motivated and positive from that... it's just that several of those and then I'm exhausted. Need to learn to get to sleep earlier.

Yes i'm the same. I get hooked on this and suddenly the evening has gone and i should be in bed! I'm trying to get my fitness back atm and that should help me sleep better. I'm finding i wake up most nights at around 3am for an hour which is most annoying! Do you have this too?

That's strange, no I don't, only very rarely maybe. Your son is past waking at night isn't he? (Was just thinking if it had been recent maybe your body was still in that pattern). Do you feel hungry? Or worried about things? Hope it isn't too hard to fall asleep again.

I'm just more of a night owl and like the "me time" once DD is asleep.

I’d like to join too. Single mum to dd aged 9. I always wanted more than one but relationship breakdown had left me as I am and too old to think about starting again.

I’ve made my peace with it now. Actually quite enjoy it being just the 2 of us. I try hard to organise play dates but don’t manage as often as I should.

Occasionally feel sad like when DD asks for a sibling. Also the other day she wistfully said that she’ll never be an Aunty. I did point out that she can be an Aunty to her future partners siblings kids which seemed to appease her

Hello, can I join please? I can bring nice coffee and chocolate cakes??

My DS is 4.5, in Reception, and will be an only like me. When he was a baby, I desperately wanted a second, and DH and I could not agree. Actually now that he is out of the baby phase, I cant imagine going back to all that, and I know it wouldn't be good for DS (most likely on the spectrum and needs very specific predictable routines to feel at ease). The unpredictability of a baby and sibling would not be good for any of us!! I feel that we are complete as we are.

DH has a brother who has two kids who we see fairly regularly, which DS likes, but he is also obviously overwhelmed by the banter and chaos of their house!

22:54HelloMist.. DS is 6 and sleeps through beautifully. It's just me who doesn't any more! Mony worries feature alot but also physical symptoms of peri like palpitations. Today i've taken a downturn after feeling great yesterday! It was the silliest thing that started it. It was DS's 6 year molars of all things! I recall a few months ago seeing new teeth coming thru at the back of his mouth and then forgot all about them again as we went through cold after cold then i suddenly remembered he got tooth ache around Xmas then that went away and it didn't occur to me they were his new teeth. Looked it up and they were the last ones to come thru. It sort of signified the end of his baby teeth years. Sorry for waffling. I know i won't ever have this again so i have always documented every little thing obsessively and yet forgot all about those teeth! Omg what's wrong with me that I'm being ridiculous over this! Sometime tell me to stop being a twat please!!

@Borris.. Welcome sorry to hear you couldn't have more. I'm the same but for different reasons but massively regretting it now i'm getting older. It's good you have made your peace with it. I have good days and bad days

@LottieBalloo.. Welcome and i love coffee and choc cake so thanks for that! I've just had a pastry after doing a chi ball workout at home! I don't care now i'm old!!
I know what you mean, you get comfortable with life as it is and feel like you're getting on top of stuff and even getting some time for yourself so i can't imagine throwing a new baby into the mix!..especially as you say your DS is on the spectrum and his specific needs have to be managed carefully. I think it's better to try to be content with life as it is. Why rock the boat? Some days it's easier than others though isn't it?!

09:36LottieBalloo.. also meant to say yes i find that with DS that when he goes to other's houses he seems a bit overwhelmed with noise and chaos. Not that he goes to other's houses that much really..he just wants to play with me all the time! But it does sort of confirm that things the way they are work for him and another one now may make him feel pushed out

Well, hello all. I had no idea you’d reopened this place until it popped up in active convos. I like what you’ve done with the decor

I was here at the very beginning so dc is a bit older than most here and fully in the throes of teenagerdom - very content to be an only child and with no sense of missing out by not having a sibling.