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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

Original poster

Tearoom (the 38th) - some help taking off the dust sheets?

95 replies

HelloMist · 20/12/2019 00:53

I like the idea of a tearoom again, mentioned by MaudAndOtherPoems on another thread. Can anyone that remembers the old ones help us get the place looking welcoming again? Equally if you are new to the tearoom idea like me and would like a place to pop in for ongoing chatter rather than specific threads, welcome. Make yourself a drink. Brew

< Turns coffee machine back on, pulls dust sheets off the sofas, opens the blinds >

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bookworm14 · 26/12/2019 10:54

We had a lovely day yesterday. DD was very excited about her presents but was grateful for everything she got and beautifully behaved (even sat through longish church service!). I’m so proud of her.

BooseysMom · 27/12/2019 19:45

That sounds great. DS was the same, polite and sweet, and only got carried away when he was given coca cola and too many chocs by his naughty uncle! But it's Christmas so i let it go. Wink

freedafree · 31/12/2019 20:11

Can I join please?

I have 1 ds age 7 I wanted more but decided too late and after losses this year think I'm calling it a day

Happy new year everyone.. enjoy all the benefits of having just one child to get to bed!!!

BooseysMom · 01/01/2020 15:42

@freedafree.. i'm not the OP but welcome to the tearoom and happy New Year! Sorry to hear of your losses. You're in the right place for support. I'm 47 and have come to terms with having one DS. He's 6 and the light of our lives Smile Yes i often feel relieved i've only got one to get to bed every night! Hope you have a great 2020!

Original poster
HelloMist · 02/01/2020 18:09

I'm OP but anyone can do the welcoming. 🙂 Hi, freedafree, of course you can join.

DH and I definitely see the advantages of only having one, even though this wasn't how we saw things turning out.

Happy New Year, all!

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TheTrousersOfTime · 02/01/2020 19:47

Happy New Year to everyone. Did anyone else in the tearoom decide to stop at one child after the experience of bringing up a baby? I know you're supposed to love it but the sleep deprivation broke me and I could never do it again. I love only having DD now and can see a happy future for our family of 3. I'd love to know if there are others who hated the baby stage so much they couldn't do it again!

BooseysMom · 03/01/2020 07:16

@HelloMist.. thank you and a happy New Year to you too! Smile

@TheTrousersOfTime.. Thanks, happy New Year to you too! Yes we did decide that one was enough and it was sleep deprivation in the early stages and then the tantrums from 2 to 4. Awful! Then i clearly remember in hosp me saying "Never again!" And the midwives giving me the usual "oh everyone says they'll never do it again but they always do", and "we'll see you soon then?" And i never did go back. The birth was absolutely awful, worse than the baby stage. It took me ages to bf and bond but i did it! I did eventually want to do it again but i was 41 when i had DS and i never had another

TheTrousersOfTime · 03/01/2020 22:06

Sounds very similar @BooseysMom, good to hear! I remember my health visitor patronising me and saying everyone says they won't do it again but they all do in the end. I feel oddly proud to have proved her wrong! Grin

BooseysMom · 04/01/2020 20:43

@TheTrousersOfTime.. Funny you should say that as i felt oddly proud to have proved them wrong as well! They always think they know everything Grin

newroundhere · 04/01/2020 22:07

Hi everyone, can I join? My DS is 3 and will be starting reception in September (eek)

@TheTrousersOfTime yes, I had always planned to have 2 - I'm an only and so is my mum, my DH has 2 brothers but neither of them have kids so I'm really conscious that DS has a tiny family. But I absolutely hated the baby stage... Breastfeeding was super hard, DS didn't sleep and I really struggled to bond with him. DH and I agreed that if we had another it'd probably break our marriage so we stuck at 1! But now I can't actually imagine having a second, our family seems complete as it us Smile

TheTrousersOfTime · 05/01/2020 09:09

Welcome @newroundhere - sounds familiar! It's lovely to know your family is complete and to imagine a future with just the 3 of you Smile

Original poster
HelloMist · 07/01/2020 20:08

DD started back at school today and it went pretty smoothly! Smile I'm not a fan of the early starts (getting us both up and out on time in the morning) but having a day to get things done and do my own thing a bit more was good. I think she enjoyed seeing her friends again.

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BooseysMom · 08/01/2020 14:00

@HelloMist.. glad your DD's first day back went well. This is my first day to myself since before the hols and it feels strange. DS went back on Monday. He overslept by an hour! But he was really good at getting ready in about 20 mins..no moaning or anything! I was flabbergasted! He said he didn't want to go back but he went with no issues. You can never tell what they'll do next can you?!

armsandtheman · 08/01/2020 17:34

My dd is 8 and has finally started to have a bit of a lie in on some mornings. I might even have to learn how to wake her up! It's very weird not hearing her thump around first thing!
I like the space we all have our own priorities. I'm planning to audition for a play tomorrow and have an interview for a new job on Friday. I think I'd struggle to make changes with a younger one as my current job is pretty flexible

Original poster
HelloMist · 08/01/2020 22:33

Thanks, @BooseysMom. Glad he got ready quickly and with no issues in the end! They are full of surprises.

How funny, arms! I have to wake DD up. Her natural wake up time would be about half an hour to an hour later than that time normally, though since New Year it's got later still! Her bedtime is shifting just slightly from being tired after school, but even as a baby she seemed to settle into a late one despite anything we tried.

Good luck with both, armsandtheman. Let us know how it all goes. It's good your job is quite flexible.

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BooseysMom · 09/01/2020 07:08

@armsandtheman.. i'm lucky too that i have a flexible employer. I work part time and although the salary is low i wouldn't want to move jobs. One reason we didn't try seriously for another is that DH is a full time student and we couldn't afford it. Good luck with your audition and interview. Sounds exciting!

armsandtheman · 09/01/2020 07:31

Thanks. It's nerve wracking but exciting!

BooseysMom · 15/01/2020 06:12

Anyone around today? Feeling low. Could do with a coffee, cake and a hug! x

TheTrousersOfTime · 15/01/2020 21:06

Aw sorry to hear that @BooseysMom - I've only just looked at MN today. Hope you got at least one of the coffee/cake/hug and your day improved a bit. Any reason for feeling low that you feel like sharing?

BooseysMom · 16/01/2020 20:04

@thetrousersoftime .. thank you for replying. Is there just us two in the tearoom now? Sad i'm touched you replied and yes i'm feeling ok now thanks. I did manage to find a random cake lurking around!! I just was having a pmt day and felt so low then weirdly today it lifted and was like it never happened. It was just i was feeling sad i'll never have another DC and worried DS will have no siblings. But then i read other threads and felt better when others said there's no guarantees siblings will stay in touch and having them can cause arguments rather than provide support. I should know as my family are mostly rubbish and selfish. So that in a nutshell was all it was! Thanks again x

TheTrousersOfTime · 16/01/2020 21:28

Glad you're feeling better and you found some cake! Yes I have moments too, watching DD play with her baby cousin, when I wish she had a sibling, but overall I know this is the best thing for our family. Hope you have a happier Friday and weekend!

BooseysMom · 17/01/2020 17:58

Thank you Trousers! You too x

AvocadoSink · 18/01/2020 09:12

Hi, I've just discovered this - can I join in?
I have a lot of guilt about only having one (by choice) and feel increasingly awful whenever someone I know reveals a second pregnancy.

Original poster
HelloMist · 18/01/2020 11:41

Hi, Booseys, no it isn't just you 2 here. (Or 3, welcome Avocado!) :)

I've been checking quite a lot but unfortunately didn't see your message until now and it had gone a bit quiet. Sorry you felt low. I actually had a very similar thing on Thursday and it also turned out to be PMT!

I was feeling generally down plus sensitive about seeing mums with little ones. I saw some in a supermarket café while DD was at school and it got me thinking about mums with one at school and a baby/toddler to do things with in the day. I felt jealous in a way, but I'm sure it's not easy dealing with 2 or barely getting a rest. Perhaps I was mostly missing what I can't often do with her any more rather than fully wishing to have a second one. I feel left out or left behind on a bad day (nearly all my mum friends have had a second and most of DD's class have 2+ kids) but on better days I appreciate the relative freedom I've got! And the advantages DD has not having to share her parents, wait her turn or compromise on activities/time I can join her in school.

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Original poster
HelloMist · 18/01/2020 11:49

Avocado please try not to feel guilty. If it's by choice you must have good reasons for feeling it's best overall for you and your family. Big choices aren't ever easy, but what's right for others isn't necessarily for you. I am in this position not by choice but there are really some things that make me feel glad in a way. Your child will hopefully have cousins or friends so will not lack company. Siblings don't always get on (or can get on at times but with plenty of fighting in between. It was the latter for me and I'm not close to mine now). It's just hard when you feel different from the majority, so I know it's easy to question yourself or compare.

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