The Nordic Tearoom (Number 31)

[beanandspud]

We have moored the barge for the winter and have moved to a beautiful, cosy log cabin in deepest Scandinavia overlooking a frozen lake and surrounded by pine trees.

Mellors has lit the log fires and candles, it is snowing outside and there are comfortable seats for everyone and fleecy blankets to snuggle up in. For the more active tearoomers there are skis and sledges outside as well as a steaming hot tub for winding down after a busy day.

So pull up a chair. The kettle is on for and there is always plenty of depending on your mood and time zone. (Alternatively there is schnapps, smorgasbord and smoked fish).

Everybody is welcome ? share as much or as little as you like ? but no fisticuffs please!

Siobhan Dowd, Solace of the road and also The London Eye Mystery. Both absolutely amazing books

When things are bad, I find Georgette Heyer, especially The Grand Sophy or Frederica are guaranteed to distract and soothe me.

Hello,

I'm a newbie to this thread and hope I'm posting in the right place for some good thoughts and advice.

I am soon to turn 42 with a near one year old DS who we adore. Truly adore! We were always ambivalent about having kids, but went for it and it's been wonderful for us.

I always thought I'd stop at one. I never considered wanting more. And in many ways, I don't. I don't want to be too old, or spending my 40s chasing around after two very young children; i don't want to have to rush to get pregnant again (if it's even possible); my husband is deeply unfulfilled at work, and needs to change, but at his age and this climate this will be a big deal - but I don't think I can handle him doing his job for much longer given the mood it brings; I worry about my health, my levels of tiredness, the toughness of two...the rational heaves with facts as to why i really don't want another child

And yet. And yet. There's the other side of the coin.

I think about it a lot, and it makes me very emotional - distressed? - when I think about it, because I really don't know what I think or feel and I can't seem to make sense of it.

I've had therapy before but whether it's the right thing to embark on now, I don't know.

I'm just wondering if some of my emotion is really the sadness of coming to terms with the idea that I may only have one.

Why can't I accept and feel blessed?

Sorry, an emotional post. It's my son's birthday tomorrow.

Gobblygook, one year is very early to accept having just one, I think. You are still immersed in baby stuff. Later, when the baby phase is past and they get more interesting and fun, it becomes less attractive to think of going back. Everything has up and down sides.
Not feeling very coherent at the moment; Maud can usually explain things so much better than that!

UnSerpent- if I was younger, it wouldn't be on my mind at all...

Hello Gobblygook! Pull up a chair and have a or a . I have one DS who is 3.5.

There are lots of ladies on here who can probably give you far better answers but most of us have one child for all sorts of reasons. Even when you know that you will only have one there are still moments of 'what if?' but they do get less frequent and easier to deal with.

It can be hard to get used to when having more than one child is often seen as the 'norm' but I am a firm believer of having the right size family for you and there are advantages and disadvantages of both. What does your DH think? If you discarded the opinions of well-meaning friends and family what would you both want?

There are no easy answers, only the right one for you and DH, and it may take time to get there and accept it. Enjoy your son's birthday tomorrow!

Thank you BeanandSpud, fo the welcome.

My DH says he'd be happy with either. Tonight he said maybe we should just try, see where fate takes us. I froze; felt terrified. Then sad because it made me realise that perhaps he really does want another...

But then it's easier for a man to be more unrealistic about the demands and the changes another baby brings...

No, there are no easy answers. And it's true, there's a societal pressure to conform to more than one child.

I know all these things, and I also know the hard truths about having another - most of my friends have more than one - but I feel unbearably weepy and emotional tonight and not sure why

Sorry [I'm so embarrassed emoticon]

Happy birthday to BabyGobbly.

It's understandable to feel weepy the night before your baby's first birthday. ToddlerScout (TS) turned two just before Halloween and I got all weepy the night before, too, and it was a second birthday, not a first. Toddler isn't much older than BabyGobbly, so I'm in a similiar position to you (coming to terms, that is) so can really only offer the advice of "be kind to yourself and enjoy BabyGobbly." Enjoy celebrating his first birthday, take lots of pictures, eat cake and give him lots of cuddles. He won't remember any of it but you will and it will always be a special memory to hold on to.

No need to be embarrassed, this is a friendly place!

Serpent made a good point that at just a year old it is early to be thinking of just having one. And a first birthday is an emotional time seeing your baby begin to grow up (and in our case it was wondering what on earth had happened in that first year and feeling strangely proud that we had somehow survived it!)

Could you agree to enjoy DS's birthday and Christmas and then talk in the New Year about what you both want to do?

Yes I can see that a year is too early to put myself under the kind of pressure I feel under; but given my age, I don't feel I can give my emotions the luxury of time. Herein lies the rub!

But yes, I think parking it for a month will make little difference on a practical level, but all the difference emotionally. Plus we are nearing the end or doing up a house and moving in, and I close to completing a novel - so maybe closure on these two other, time stealing, pressurising strands of my life will open up new thoughts/feelings

Off topic from only babies -- why oh why do mothers brag about their underage daughters being drunk? ACK!

Oh dear, there are now pictures.

WHY?!

If anyone has any good advice, please help. When I says ::weeps:: I am not joking. I can't work without email. ::sobs and goes to bed to read dreary book:: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/geeky_stuff/1356542-A-good-free-email-provider-thats-not-hotmail?msgid=28817839#28817839

Unserp, I may be missing more brain cells than I first realised...what's happened?

I'm sort of alright thanks, to those that asked. So's dh. But when I'm trying to cope with too much, I'm rubbish at moving between different social media thingies, so I'm mostly parking myself on my fb pages a lot rather than here. I still read.

Hi Gobblygook!

Great day with two families at our house making Christmas cards and knocking back gallons of mulled wine eating soup. Lots of cards made, lots of playing done, vast quantities of washing up - my hands still tingle.

AP, when reminded of her urgent GP appointment tomorrow, denied all knowledge of claiming to have Alzheimers and declined to visit GP, saying 'It's best not to start anything like that'. I realise that this is really silly but am going with it. She thinks that she has sort of panic attacks when she thinks she is going mad, and I choose to believe her. Is this really really wrong?

::Failing sand, buries head in snow outside chalet::

Evening all.

Little meet up with CMOT and tiddler was fine, 2 small boys rushing about being trains both in colourfull leggings was rather cute to see. Tiddler reminds me of one of boys classmates. I think we quit while we were ahead too, always a bonus. Hope the christmas shopping was OK CMOT. We had children in bed and asleep before baby sitter turned up.

Serp - ((hug)) and a platefull.
I'm afraid AP forgetting her Drs appt and claiming never to have mentioned Alzheimers would have me worried and wanting her to go to GP and wanting to have a word with GP about AP myself. There are conditions ( involving memory loss/ confusion) that look a bit like alzheimers BUT are improved with drugs. Can't think of names, but have watched a colleague go this with his father and my Ma with her Ma. And if it were Alzheimers the earlier the better for such treatments as there are.

Hi again!

The Number 1 ladies detective agency books are always upbeat and fun to read I think. And the Sarah Waters books are gripping, brilliant and totally distracting, The Fingersmith has no sadness in it. Wow, when you think about it it's remarkable how many books have sadness in them! Oh and Midnight's Children is very funny but very long.

I resort to childrens books for light reading, or Anne Mcaffery Pern books.

Oh yes, there's never a bad time to reread Harry Potter or His Dark Materials I find! DH is rereading His Dark Materials right now as things are a bit tough for him at the mo.

Yes, I thought I was making it too easy. Can't face appointment tomorrow, though. I think the worst is that, as far as I have read, all treatments are pointless. One clutches at straws.
Next-door neighbour was telling me today that her FIL, telephoning to arrange Christmas, said 'I think you'll find, young lady, that December 28th is, and always has been, New Year's Eve.' AP would never make a mistake like that, about general knowledge, history, geograhpy, science, politics, etc. Just about what she said last week.
Anyway, goodnight all.
I used to love the Pern books; haven't read them for a long while.
Sorry to hear MrDeer (Stag?Buck?) is having to resort to escapist reading. Hope it helps.
(Gave up on my long and dreary read when I cheated and leafed ahead and found that hero's engaging younger brother died. Very slowly over several chapters. Why??? Is there not enough misery in the world as it is?)

Sorry to have been MIA for a few days - RL took over. Had a long and busy weekend preparing for and having miniThumb's 4th Birthday Party, which would have been nicer if it hadn't rained, thus ruining the swimming aspect of the party. Still went well, he had a blast and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

Going back: serpent, if you haven't already missed it, you should definitely take AP to her appt. Honestly. She may need blood thinners. Please take her, and if you have missed it, make another appt for her and take her to that.

Did you know Anne McCaffrey died recently?

I have just read an engaging story by Cecelia Ahern, called "If you could see me now". It's fairly light and has a happy ending (always a bonus in my mind! I read a book called "Who will love Polly Odlum?" once, reviewed by Marian Keyes as a light frothy read. She obviously hadn't read the whole book, is all I can say!!)

Welcome to Gobblygook - I think the imminent first birthday may be playing havoc with your emotions, tbh. I was a bit younger than you when miniThumb was born, and we are still ttc a second, failing dismally and time is fast running out, if it hasn't already done so. I am ambivalent about having another - I think I would be happy if we just had the one but OTOH I do still think about having another teeny baby, so it's not a complete given. But fate may make the decision for me - 3 MCs in, I'm not sure how many more chances I will get as my aging eggs get more and more rotten. :(

Amber - hope your DH is ok after his hospital expedition, and you are coping with your treatments ok!

Deer - nice to see you again! I love the Alexander McCall Smith books, they're great. :)

Scout - the downside of FB is the ridiculous status updates that some people post. The good bit is you can hide their posts - I find this a Very Useful facility I expect that the jet lag should be over by about now and TS will resume normal service...

The Tea Room T-shirt will be in service very soon! As soon as it warms up a bit - it's Cooooollld!! We're supposed to be 4 days into summer here - ha! Am back in woolly jumpers, long trousers and socks!

Bean, thanks for - will have a of hot chocolate for now though as am Sick. Made it through the party yesterday and by the end, had gone from basso profundo voice to squeaking; this morning, voice has gone. Thankfully my throat is not sore but I have a chest infection, a slight cold and no voice. :(
Might need to go to the docs for the chest infection, I'll give it a couple of days to see if it resolves.

Unserp, sorry things are not easy at the mo. If you like dective - y sorts of things, plus possibly a bit of history, Lindsey Davis' books following Falco's exploits are quite fun - he's a Roman who gets around a bit

Hi Gobblygook - one year is not far down the line as has already been said. I'm a bit further down the line from TW and have now given up thoughts of a second am making the most of my only and trying not to be too pfb etc about him... he's therefore VERY good at falling over and bouncing, hurtling around on his scooter or bicycle (with helment on though) etc. I can't actually see where a second would fit in around him, so perhaps its all for the best.

Maud... am up in the smoke between Christmas and new year - I presume you're busy? We shall almost certainly be walking in Grenwich Park most days we're up with the dog, with MC chasing the squirrels as the dog is now too blind to be able to see them properly.. still it's good exercise for mc.

Serpent - I am useless at IT but will watch your thread and hope to learn from it. To be honest, in your shoes I would be marching AP down to the GP, but that is more about me and my mater than it is about you and yours.

Mistle - Our plans for Christmas are still somewhat fluid but if we're going to be in the smoke then it'd be good to arrange something and perhaps rope in Oxeye too (and anyone else within travelling distance who wants to participate).

Gobblygook - It's very kind of Serpent to say I put things better but I'm quite sure I don't. You've had lots of good advice already. To me, you don't sound like someone who wants a second baby - you seem to have identified plenty of reasons why, for you and your husband, stopping at one may be the right thing to do. It is usually Oxeye who makes the (in my view excellent) point that, however many children women have, they often feel a bit wibbly at the thought that they won't be having any more; that's something I see amongst many of my friends, even if there were no issues about age or fertility along the way. A child's birthday is always going, I think, to play into any such wibbles. How about taking a few weeks off from mulling this over (hard as that may be) and see how things feel once BabyGobbly's birthday is out of the way?

Evening all. Another late night for MrScout so am on my own again. He's out for a lecture then pint/s with former workmates but fortunately it's in the YOUT (where he used to work) so local and he can stay longer and enjoy himself.

I've mentioned before how hard I've been finding it making friends in my town and how I can go to most toddler groups/Childrens' Center activities and not speak to anyone. There is one woman I see fairly regularly at the Monday afternoon group (we used to see each other at a baby group and exchange polite words) and now that the kids are bigger we chat a bit more. Today she told me that the last few Mondays she had been taking (to the group) an invitation to her son's birthday party for Toddler but had forgotten we were away (party was this past weekend). I have to say I was very touched by the thought/gesture and impressed that she kept going to the activity with the invitation in her bag.

Serp, while my parents are quite young (Mom's 59, Dad just three years older), I must admit that if they were saying/doing the things your mum is doing I'd go to the GP -- even if it's alone for the first appointment to talk to the doctor then with my AP. Even if meds don't really DO anything I think having a diagnosis of something will help you be able to deal with her/the situation.

TW, I thought Toddler would be back to normal by now but he's still sleeping for England. MrScout wonders if he's finally realized that it's okay to have a lie-in and it makes everyone else happier to have one.

Ooooh, Maud, I was going to see if you were in The Big Smoke the week before Christmas. We (Toddler and I, that is) may be done at the start of the week before Christmas to visit MrScout at work, drop off a present to a friend (or give it to MrScout to give to her as they work sort-of near each other) and maybe do a bit of Christmas with TS.

I would like to know -- who turned on winter and who said they could?! BRRRR.

Scout - We'll be here up to Christmas Day, but things are a bit more open after that.

Yes, it's definitely a lot colder today.