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nursery vs family care for a 7 week old

40 replies

SevernTrentWater · 15/09/2009 00:53

i have a 7 week old who needs to go into childcare asap so i can go back to my training. I can do 4 days full time in a nursery, or i can move back near my parents and get my mum and nan to take dd for the 4 days = more flexible. Now, what would you recommend?

She's a lovely placid baby so i'm sure she'd be fine anywhere, i left her with my nan today and i didn't worry at all, it was good to get out and work. Thing is, i have 100 days that i have to do, if i miss even 1 day then i have to make it up in my spare time (which i don't have much of if i want to qualify), and i'm worried whether if i put her in nursery she'll be off sick a lot, would it be one or two days here and there, or whole weeks? I can call my nan up to look after her but only if its major. Do they get sick often? Or not really something to worry about too much? I live in a really beautiful place which i think makes me happy (i used to feel down a lot when i lived back near my parents but that might be because i didn't like my job! not just the lack of nature), moving home is going to cost me a lot of money too although i save a bit on childcare (though my course covers 85 percent of the fees),

so i don't know for the sake of my education and dd whether to stay here or move near parents for 6 months/a year.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
2to3 · 15/09/2009 15:46

There are lots of variables here, especially regarding the quality of care you feel your child will get in that particular nursery, as opposed to with her relatives. Moving is a big deal, especially if you're not sure you'll be happy living near your parents. And they do pick up bugs at nursery, definitely. But she will anyway.

Ultimately it will depend on what you think is best for your child, and for yourself. Personally, I would go for the most personalised, warm care available. I would not put my baby into a nursery so young unless I had no other choice. A childminder could be a good compromise solution - if you can find a good one they can provide all the close care and nurturing that a family member could, plus some of the stimulation DD would get at nursery once she gets older. It's a tough one - good luck.

danthe4th · 15/09/2009 18:25

Could you not get an ofsted reg nanny then the fees should also be covered, or I would go for a cm, but then im biased I am one.

rubyslippers · 15/09/2009 18:27

some nurseries will not take a child under 3 months

as someone who put her DS in a nursery at 6 months (and he is still there at 3.3) i really like nursery care BUT he was ill a lot in the early days

i would have personally felt a nanny or CM would be better or parents

rubyslippers · 15/09/2009 18:29

sorry - meant to add "at this very young age"

Nancy66 · 16/09/2009 12:50

Your family would be the better option, most definitely.

She is far, far too young for a nursery.

DemmitGel · 16/09/2009 12:53

Too young for nursery I would think, she needs loving one-to-one and careful attention. None of the benefits that people talk about nurseries having - learning to rub along, meeting other children, etc - apply to such a tiny baby.

kormachameleon · 16/09/2009 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

preggersplayspop · 16/09/2009 12:56

I'm surprised the nursery would take them at that age, I thought it was only from 3 months.

My DS is at a nursery and I am very happy with it, but I wouldn't have sent him so young. I think they benefit more from one to one care at that age which they wouldn't get - I think the ratios are 1:3 until they are 2. Sickness is an issue, they pick up loads of bugs to start with and nurseries are strict on infection control (as rightly they should be)

I would go for family if its an option. Do you have to go straight back to your education or could you defer for a while?

pippel · 16/09/2009 14:20

my nursery has babies from 6 weeks and normally its because the mother has to return to study.

personally I would find a cm, she will be fine in a nursery but he would get more 1-1 attention with a cm.

It doesn't sound like you really want to move back to be near your family and in my opinion if you are not happy that will be worse for her than time in good quality childcare.

mummytowillow · 24/09/2009 22:24

Parents/family or Childminder I vote for, she is very young to be going to nursery IMO.

freddysteddy · 24/09/2009 22:28

This will kick off.

I don't know whether to hope this is for real or to hope it's trolling.

What is your training and can you defer it?

colditz · 24/09/2009 22:28

I would find a childminder, nurseries simply don't have the right staff ratios to cope with a tiny baby who really needs one to one loving care.

Child minders are very unlikely to have other teeny babies to cope with, and while I like nurseries for older babies and toddlers, there is no benefit for a 7 week old baby. She won't get cuddled enough and they will (necessarily) leave her to 'wait her turn'.

violethill · 27/09/2009 12:54

I am very that anyone could consider this is trolling.

If the OP says that she has specific and rigorous training commitments, then shouldn't we believe her?

7 weeks does seem very young, but that's only because over recent years, ML has got longer and longer and many women now take a full year off. When I had my first, it was absolutely the norm for mothers to return when the baby was around 12 weeks, which is only 5 weeks older. ML was 6 months maximum but the last 3 months were unpaid and as interest rates and cost of living was so much higher than in 2009, hardly anyone I knew could afford the full entitlement.

I agree that I would go with childminder rather than nursery, because it will be more like a 'home' which is probably best for a little one, though having said that, I think a good quality nursery can be great for toddlers.

I just don't think anyone should be criticising the OP because of her situation. Many women over the centuries have been back at work or training within a few weeks of giving birth and their children turn out fine!

Maria2007 · 29/09/2009 19:23

I would definitely go with a nanny if I were in your situation. For such a tiny baby, even a childminder is (I feel) too busy an environment. They need quiet, one-to-one warm care at this early age.

I wouldn't even think of nursery at this age, to be honest, unless there was no other conceivable option. (And even if there weren't, if it were me I would postpone my training & extend my maternity leave for a bit. Sorry, just my opinion).

risingstar · 30/09/2009 16:41

if your focus is to get this 100 days done, then you need to go for mum/nan. as you rightly say babies and nurseries mean illness. my dd3 did not have a days illness for her first year and then was constantly poorly for her first 3 months of nursery.

does it have to be cut and dried, can you not move "home" just for the period of training and then move back after.

best of luck- sounds hectic but you can do it if you are determined enough.

shellchildminder · 07/10/2009 23:53

Hi SevernTrentWater i am a registered childminder in the manchester area i take babies from that young age and i have a space available i agree with the above defo a childminder with a baby so young, my email is [email protected] if my area is any good to you.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 07/10/2009 23:57

Both my DCs are/have been at nursery FT, so I am not at all anti-nursery, but I really don't think it's suitable at this young age.

If you don't move home, I'd definitely look for a childminder rather than a nursery (or a nanny if you can afford one).

frakkinpannikin · 07/10/2009 23:59

My mother went back to work when I was 6 weeks old and left me with a nanny. It's just that times have changed that we thinking 7 weeks ML is v. short.

I would recommend nanny/CM or your family. Try posting on the CMs/nannies/au pairs section to see if anyone knows any available childcare in your area.

redsofas · 08/10/2009 00:09

sorry i dont want to sound mean but i have a 7 week old ds atm and i think being away from mummy and to put a baby this young into nursery is cruel, your baby needs a warm and loving environment and needs to know who its family are before being cared for by strangers.

AcademicMum · 08/10/2009 00:10

My ds1 was in nursery at 5 months, but when he went he was the youngest in his room (mostly 9-12 months old). At this age that age difference is huge and you may find that nurseries do things to accomodate the older ones first. For that reason at 7 weeks I'd suggest family/nanny/CM in preference to nursery even though I know some nuseries take babies from 6 weeks.

It is a difficult decision and I know others who have put their babies into nursery at 6 weeks, but on the other hand I am really glad to have been able to leave ds1 till 5.5 months (and that was hard enough).

Northernlurker · 08/10/2009 00:50

I have used nursery for all my children - dd3 (now 2.5) has been at hers since 12 months. I admire my nursery and have full confidence in the staff BUT I would not wish to place so young a baby in that environment if I had other options. A good childminder providing one to one care is better for these first few months. Ther are lots of people on here who wuldn't put a 1 yr in nursery but there I differ with them. BUt 7 weeks is very, very young and I think keepings as stable and quiet as possible is the best course. I wouldn't move back to your mum because it doesn't sound like you would be happy and I firmly believe that if we want to work (and most of us do) we should recognise that caring for our kids is a profession for which we shold expect to pay a reasonable amount and not freeload on our relatives - however cuddly and lovely they are. Why not line up your mum etc to come down for the odd long weekend so they can get to know baby better and save you running back and forth between training and the CM.

nappyaddict · 08/10/2009 00:57

I think I would move back near parents for 6 months. 6 months is nothing really and it will be so much easier for you. If she is not too ill your parents may still be willing to look after her. A nursery/childminder can't really if it's more than a cold.

idag · 18/02/2010 23:52

Ok going to really stick my neck out here and say I think the OP is being unrealistic and selfish. A 7 week old baby needs the constant care of one primary care giver, ideally her mum, and to be honest, I think she should be your priority at the moment and not your training. She is your responsibility and completely relies on you. Were you aware of your future training commitments before you were pregnant? I just think that if you have a child you have to do what is right for that child and not necessarily for you . She will not be so tiny and vulnerable for long, but can't your training be deferred until she is at least old enough to go to nursery? Sorry to be blunt but just sharing my tuppence worth.

runnybottom · 19/02/2010 00:04

How is it anyone heres business what the OP does?

Mind your own. Literally.

OP if you can have family care for her, I think that is much better for you both. More flexible, far less chance of illness, one to one care and a strong bond.
Good luck with it.

jellybeans · 19/02/2010 00:13

Is it a social work degree? Just wondered. I would definately use the family care. If it's on offer I would take it, even if it meant a move.

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