i was mad at my child`s nursery because...

[ladyjeje]

we are vegeterian.almost every day some child would bring some sweets for every child to have when he goes home.most of the time it contains animal gelatin.
last week i told the administrator that dd doesnt have gelatin. today they gave all the kids sweets and let her cry.she felt excluded from the rest,shes only 3.i was mad, asked them to give her one,i didnt talk to them because i was so mad i thought i wont sound logical.im thinking about buying a bag of suitable for vegeterian sweets and leave it in the nursery for her. but they didnt act right,they were not attentive to her feelings.
what do you think?

My child has a nut allergy. He has a stash of sweets in school which he can have if the others are given something. Playgroup was a nightmare as there was armfulls of crap given out every day (which I would have had a problem with regardless of allergy) but in school parents aren't allowed to send in stuff so its only very occasionally that the teacher gives him one of his alternate sweets.

In our preschool parents often bring sweets in back from holiday, or cakes for a child's birthday. We only ever give them out at the end of the session, when the parent is with the child, so the parent can decide whether the child may have the food.

Maybe you could suggestthat to your setting, and as others have said keep a suitable snack with you to give to your DD if the one offered is unsuitable?

Your post makes no sense. Your cross because they give your LO gelatine and cross when they don't - they can' t win. Give them a bag of gelatine free sweets to give as an alternative.

btw, in most circumstances when a child has an allergy they do tell him that he can't have the stuff and them leave him to cry. Thats why as a parent, whatever the reason for the restricted diet, you need to be pro active in providing an alternative.

ladyjeje
your post is an excellent example of why some parents get labelled as "awkward"

it is a difficult label to shake off

Have you explained to your dd why she is a vegetarian and why she cant have the foods other children have? If not, you really need to do it now!
I am guessing she already knows she cant have meat when the others do so it shouldnt be hard to understand this stretches to other foods.
Are you very strict or could you compromise on teh gelatin? If not you've got a rocky road ahead of you.

ladyjeje I do understand where you are coming from in that my DD (4) is a vegetarian. (I am vegan) I think I'm now beginning to experience these awkward times I was dreading when all her peers are eating certain things and she is not allowed them.

One poster said she would let DD have the sweet, I think thats what you said you did. I personally would agree with that. It's one sweet, DD's feelings in this are important and I'm not going to get myself in knots because of my imposed beliefs on her diet.

Maybe its the way you perceive the staff handled it? Again they were following your wishes. A really good idea to provide your own sweets.

I would also be tempted to say something to nursery though about the amount of sweets being given out if you aren't happy with this. I know I wouldn't be (horrid mum won't let her kids have sweeties

I guess as veggies ourselves we understand and have made these choices for ourselves, it's different matter when it's a pre-school child. Good luck

I'd get a little tin of treats for her.
Give it to the nursery staff and then let her get something out of the tin when the othr sweets come out.

Jelly tot are good, and whatever else.
My kids got good at swapping haribo (yuk) for jelly tots and refreshers.

ANd sometimes bring in some more for the other kids.

it's hard, and i think you've leaerned the tough way that people don't understand thatalot of sweets have melted animals in them

Where i love we cna get non gelatin haribos too- but that is a bit specfic to muslim areas i woould think.

They must take your beliefs seriously, but you need to work mwith them and make it an easy thiing for them to do.

Good mluck- and don't let the posters who don't agree with yoou get you down.
I had a similar thread a couple of yrs ago-

I couldn't understand your post at all. Another child brought sweets in to share. The nursery staff didn't give her one because you had instructed them not to and now you are cross! The nursery staff didn't have alternatives-the sweets were nothing to do with them. I would take your own in for future occasions, although you may still have difficulty if she would prefer what everyone else is having. You are going to meet this problem more as she gets older and you may find that she doesn't want to be a vegetarian when she is old enough to decide for herself. For example when she goes to a childrens party at 8yrs old by herself,she may well help herself to sausage rolls. I don't think that a jelly sweet is worth making a fuss about.

If you are a vegetarian then a jelly sweet may well be something worth getting upset about....

but as i've said, the OP can sort it all out easily by having alittle treats tin for her child.
I'm sure now she realises that she made a mistake- and that the nursery doesn't have random veggie treats knocking aorund..
job done

'If you are a vegetarian then a jelly sweet may well be something worth getting upset about....'

If she is wearing leather shoes it is rather hypocritical to get upset about it! If she is avoiding leather shoes does she know what the glue is made from that is holding the plastic ones together?

wow, puts you off working in a nursery when parents are so unreasonable!

makes me admire the staff even more at my kids nursery!

ok, back off.
Bored of that sort of discussion really.

Some people have a morla line about how they live their lives.
it doesn't make them superior, inferior or anyhting else.
Just they have a different way of looking at stuff
And in these sort of situations they need to work out whther or not to bend/brak/ignore the line.
There's just no need to be so aggressively antagonistic about how YOU feel somebody's moral line doesn't work in your head.
really, there isn't.

leather, milk, meat, vegan, vaeggie, fish eating... we all make choices and try to live by them.

I had/have major problems putting meat into my children's mouths.
Fewer problems with leather.
I don't need to debate it with you- i don't have time today.
but i do ask for respect for my point of view and not to be called hypocritical.

Thank you very much

Dear G|od, you'd try the patience of a saint Lady.

i think the OP ws niaeve and over reacted,
but i do understand her and there are suggstions on here to help sort it out.
There's no point in being all judgey abut what level of vegetarian she or anyone else is TBH

and maybe the nursey staff should ahve hel;ped a bit- by suggesting she bring in her own sweets.

Poor little girl- is mix up but i'm sure there's more unreasonable things happen at nurseries

not anything to do with the OP but on Fridy at the nursery where I work, there was some chocolate cake left over from one of the children's birthdays earlier in the week

Not enough to share amongst the children at afternoon snack time, but just enough for me and my colleague to have a slice

not hugely proud of myself but it had to be done

it had rolos and munchies on top

At my ds's nursery the only sweets they got were provided by other children on their birthdays. This meant that the nursery wouldn't have had an alternative to give to a child who couldn't eat what the other children had brought in. It is a pretty usual custom (at least at my ds's nursery) so if I had a child who had a food allergy or as a parent wanted to ensure their child only ate certain things then I'd expect to provide the alternative. If the parent hadn't then there isn't much the nursery can do, they can't magic an alternative up can they? I think you placed the nursery in an impossible position. You should be pleased that they followed your instructions and disappointed in yourself that you didn't provide the nursery with an alternative. I wouldn't expect the nursery to do my job for me.

All was saying was that if the child happens to be in the nursery wearing leather shoes it seems a bit OT to be worrying about one isolated incident with jelly tots.
If you are a vegetarian of course you are going to bring them up as a vegetarian but as they get out into the wider world they will get other experiences. They may not share your views when they are older. A few jelly tots at 3 yrs old isn't worth the fuss.

see, piscesmoon, jelly tots aref ine, no gelatine

haribois aren't.

And you saying that a few gelatine sweets at this age is putting your opinion onto how somebody else feels about the way they bring their kids up.

We have discusiions about meat and farming and the kids can make their own decisions....intitailly i didn't give them meat.

See, and i haven't even told you how to live your life either.

So let's get this clear.

You kicked off at the nursery for giving your daughter non vegetarian sweets.

So this time they didn't give her the sweets and she cried.

And now you think they should have ignored YOU, and given her the sweets because she was crying, as you would have done this if you had been there.

You need to decide what you want. Do you want her to have the sweets or not?

If not, you need to provide an alternative or accept that she will cry and probably be inconsolable.

yes, that has been the advice, coldtits,
togehter with some "but elatine doesn't really matter" comments.

I have no idea which jelly sweets contain geletine! It is never anything I have felt the need to worry about. All I am saying is that a few sweets that contain it are no big deal (unless she likely to have an allergic reaction)-especially if it is on ethical grounds and she is wearing leather shoes.If OP feels really strongly about it then leave sweets with the nursery staff, but be prepared for the fact that DC may still cry if the birthday sweets look more interesting!

OK, OP was unreasonable in telling nursery not to give her child gelatine and then getting cross when they followed her instructions.

But I think all this hostility to a vegetarian objecting to gelatine is a bit overdone. Would all the posters who think veggies should not object to gelatine condemn Muslim parents? I suspect not. Why are religious beliefs OK but not other matters of conscience unreasonable? Are only religious people allowed to have principles?

(I am a veggie but ds is not, btw, so I have no axe to grind here.)

But the sweets aren't provided by the nursery, I can see why they found it awkward what to offer instead.

If you ARE that strict, you should enquire carefully about other foods the nursery serves, especially cheese-- this may contain animal-based rennet. Ditto on flavoured crisps (cheesy Quavers, cheese and onion flavour or Wotsits, skips, etc.) Ask for their menu and scrutinise it very carefully for possible contamination, ask them where they source everything (brand names, local suppliers) and ask to look at ingredient labels.

I think it must have been much harder for OP's DD because she had had the sweets previously; if OP had been clear from the beginning how strict she is (like Halal parents would be), then the little girl would have not gotten so upset.