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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Am I wrong to expect nursery to respect our wishes re daytine sleep?

35 replies

totallytired · 18/02/2009 18:10

Please excuse the name but I have changed from my usual one!

We are having a problem with our nursery and my dd's napping. She is 2 and a half and a couple of months ago, she stopped napping in the day, bar a 20 min power nap here and there, usually when out in the car. She's never been a big sleeper, but we found that cutting out the nap, she slept better during the night and woke up at a less anti-social hour in the morning.
Nursery were reluctant to drop the sleep as they said she was very young but we compromised on a catch up sleep twice a week, on specified days. We would have preferred that she had a power nap more often but they will not wake them from naps. The problem is that the days she naps, she is a generally very hard work to get to bed and frequently wakes earlier.
Should I have a word with the nursery manager as we seem to be hitting a brick wall with her keyworker or sholud I just accept their way of doing things? I and she loves the nursery other than this - they're great at many things but I feel really frustrated by this.

Sorry for my essay! I would be interested to know what others would do.

OP posts:

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Original poster

totallytired · 18/02/2009 18:10

Sorry, seem to have posted two threads, my computer is playing up!

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 18/02/2009 18:13

Hmm. I do think you buy into a routine with a nursery TBH.

Original poster

totallytired · 18/02/2009 18:16

That's what I wondered, TFM. Though at nearly a thousand pounds a month, it's a pretty expensive routine!

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mazzystartled · 18/02/2009 18:19

I think it's odd that the nursery are insisting on a sleep, and also that they won't wake them from naps.

The thing about being very young is baloney frankly, my dd has only had @ one nap a week since she was 18 months, and my ds had completely dropped his nap by 2. And we are deffo not the only ones.

I agree that to an extent you need to allow nursery workers to use their judgment on any given day, but in general if you feel that a nap leads to disturbed sleep for you all, then you should definitely speak with the manager.

mazzystartled · 18/02/2009 18:20

But a routine, that forces a child to sleep when they don't want to, and this then affecting their sleep, is detrimental to everyone's happiness. Why won't they wake them?

compo · 18/02/2009 18:23

our nursery stopped their sleep when they wanted to drop it so if your child is still sleeping when the keyworker puts them down for a nap in their minds they need it

lisad123 · 18/02/2009 18:26

but if shes is sleeping she might need it. And nursery is a long old day for kids. I think they dont wake as its the feeling that children will sleep as long as needed.

compo · 18/02/2009 18:27

yes nursery tends to be much more stimulating and tiring than home imo

Original poster

totallytired · 18/02/2009 18:35

They won't wake them as it 'is not in the child's best interest'. DD sometimes says she went to sleep because A and B, her friends, were. I appreciate that she won't sleep unless she needs it, but if her total sleep per 24 hours is 11 hours, I would prefer that to be 11 hrs at night, rather than 1 1/2 hours in the day and 9 1/2 at night!

OP posts:

mazzystartled · 18/02/2009 19:21

i'm with you tt
they should be listening to you
i would just tell them straight that she will be up before 6 if she sleeps in the day, meaning that yes she might well want a nap at nursery, but that screws up everybody else. she shouldn't be having a sleep for the nursery's convenience. if she was drooping every day by 1.30 that would be different.

Mintyy · 18/02/2009 19:27

2 and a half is NOT very young to be dropping a day time nap, imo.

My DS stopped at 2 y/o on the dot.

It is more convenient for the nursery staff if your dd naps but if you feel strongly about this then I would raise the issue again.

Littlefish · 18/02/2009 19:30

They should be listening to you.

I agree with Minty - 2 and a half is not young to be dropping a nap.

AmIOdetteOrOdile · 18/02/2009 19:33

TT - we were in a similar postition a few months back. DS2 was a nightmare at bedtime if he'd had his nap. We dropped the nap at home, and also told nursery the same. They were very good about it - they bring DS2 into the room with the older children while the younger children nap in a different room, and it works fine. Perhaps you could suggest the same to yours?

Original poster

totallytired · 18/02/2009 19:50

Thank you for your responses, they have given me a bit more perspective. I think DD is the only one who doesn't nap and do maybe it is inconvenient. I might suggest could she go in with the older ones if it is more convenient for them; there are a couple of friends who we see socially in there so she would have 'friends'! Also, I agree that she is not too young to stop napping.

I will see the manager next week and make some suggestions; I will then accept if she is dead against it!
thanks again for your replies.

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purepurple · 18/02/2009 19:59

as a nursery worker, i would say don't ask them TELL them you don't want your child to have a sleep. You are the parent and are calling the shots, they should respect your wishes and put your child first and not their own needs!

hairycaterpillar · 18/02/2009 20:04

In my Dc's nursery the chldren who don't nap or wake before the others are just given "quiet activities" like jigsaws or drawing etc. I can't believe they can't accomodate your DD not having a sleep. None of my 3 Dc were consistently having a nap at 2.5yrs I can't believe this is the first time the nursery has encountered a child who doesn't need a nap.

maretta · 18/02/2009 20:11

I expected this to be a thread where you said you wanted her to sleep at a difrent time to the other children.

It's completely reasonable for a 2.5yo not to have a sleep at your request. It is not a at all young to be droping a sleep. It is also completely reasonable for her nap time to be reduced. Why on earth will they not wake them.

I ended day time naps at nursery when my kids got to be a pain in the evenings and let them have catch up sleeps when they were at home with me.

I think you should put your foot dowm/

Twims · 18/02/2009 20:16

As a room leader in the nursery (1-2 year olds) we listened to and respected parents wishes re naps - whether they were allowed a nap or not. I would state to the nursery (yet again) that you want DD not to sleep during the day and that you are unhappy with the way they are ignoring your wishes.

morningpaper · 18/02/2009 20:19

Mine stopped napping at home from about 18 months but they did continue to nap at nursery for a few months after this. Nursery was much more tiring for them and I trusted her and the nursery's judgement as to whether she is tired.

I think that you should give your daughter the choice, actually - let her key-carer ask her what she wants to do each day, and let her decide. She is old enough to know if she is tired or not, IMO.

willowthewispa · 18/02/2009 20:21

Nurseries I've worked in have always respected parents wishes regarding whether or not children are allowed to nap, and for how long.

However, I have always HATED preventing a tired child from napping or waking a sleeping child up. I don't think children sleep unless they need it tbh, and I feel very cruel stopping a young child from sleeping.

Sawyer64 · 18/02/2009 20:34

I have the opposite problem with my DD2 and CM.

Being 2.4 she automatically says "no sleep" when you suggest it,but she has yet not to sleep when you put her down for a nap.So at home she has a nap every day.

Despite telling the CM this,she won't put her down for a Nap.Always says she asked her and she didn't want one!

My DD2 is a great sleeper,and until the time she stops being,or doesn't sleep when she is put down for a Nap I'd prefer to carry on with them.

I end up picking up a very tired and irritable 2 yr old,who falls asleep practically on her feet just before the school run for DD1.

rachels103 · 18/02/2009 20:39

I think you should speak to the nursery. At my ds's nursery they have a list of sleepers and non-sleepers, put all the children who have a nap in one room and keep the others in another room doing quiet activities. They mix two age groups together for this part of the day so they are all supervised.
You are paying a lot of money for the service they provide, and whilst they are 'experts' in their field, no one knows your child like you do and they should respect your wishes.

Original poster

totallytired · 18/02/2009 20:45

thank you. You have definitely given me the impetus to speak to them again. It seems lots of other places accommodate parents' wishes and non-sleepers. I now feel less stressed about approaching them about it.

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ProfYaffle · 18/02/2009 20:53

My dds sound similar to yours in that they're not big sleepers and a long daytime nap affects their nighttime sleep. dd1 dropped her nap at 25 months, dd2 is 2 on Monday and showing signs of dropping hers, so your dd is not far too young imho.

My experience has always been that nursery fall in with what I request wrt naps. If they tried to drop her nap and she was struggling then I could understand them wanting to continue with the nap. But to just refuse to try is not on. Sounds to me like they're keeping up your dd's nap for their convenience.

dylsmum1998 · 18/02/2009 21:01

good luck, i hope you can come to some arrangement. i have this issue with my dd, but when i spoke to them and explained that when she has a long nap in the day she is up til 11.30 at night, therefore is more tired the next day. i asked that they let her sleep for a max of 30 mins if necessary, as i accept that she is there all day and there is so much for them to do and it is tiring.
some days now she doesnt sleep at all, but mostly she has 20 mins and then is fine

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