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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

nursery closes at 6, not home til 7...

82 replies

sazza1970 · 08/02/2009 14:27

Hi all

I'm a first time mum-to-be, and thinking about childcare already as our financial situation means I'll have to return to work when the baby is six months old. I'm looking into nurseries at the moment, but they all shut at 5.30-6pm, and the very earliest I can be home is 7pm. What happens in this situation? Do any nurseries offer extra care, for an additional fee? Or would I have to find someone else - a childminder, as parents live out of london - to pick up the baby? All feels very daunting, and I really don't know how others cope in this situation. Any advice gratefully received - I live in Crouch End, London, by the way.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

slayerette · 10/02/2009 20:24

But I have walked in those shoes. And I bloody well made it work so that I could see my child for more than an hour a day. And to be honest, I don't see why questioning the OP's priorities is so wrong when that is what her current work/life balance really means - one to two hours a day with her child.

There are choices - compromises can be made, careers can be adapted or changed.

compo · 10/02/2009 20:25

what time will you leave the house and what time will you get home BlameItOnTheBogey
I am in awe of you , I really am, it is not something I think I could do

LadyBee · 10/02/2009 20:26

The OP asked how others cope in this situation, and I think the majority of the posts indicated this -- they either have to change their work arrangements, split the drop/pick up with a DH/DP, or use a nanny/childminder who will be more flexible.

It's not insulting to be advised to do these things, it doesn't mean anyone's job is more important etc. It's not always immediately obvious as a first-timer that things can't continue as they were before, until you start looking and thinking about these things you have no way of knowing that nurseries generally open and close at times that might not suit.

However, I do think some of the posts on here have been a bit holier-than-thou - really, asking why bother to have a baby etc, it's all a bit much. We all struggle to find solutions to these problems - Sazza, I hope you find something that works for you.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 10/02/2009 20:30

Ach. I'm not really in the mood to get into a big debate tonight. Suffice to say that if there were another way to make this work, I would do that instead. I do however agree, that it's not work/life balance. It's survival in what is currently a desperate economic climate. You can't get a smaller house if you already live in a rented one bed flat. Can't get a smaller car if you don't have one in the first place etc.

preggersplayspop · 10/02/2009 20:30

Blameitonthebogey, I really hope it works out ok for you. I used to travel on the Northern Line every day (not sure which line you are on) and I had to get on the tube in zone 3 by 7am to get a seat, any later than that and it was sardines time.

Where I live now, I tried my journey out before I started back at work and I timed it to the station (I drive) as being a 6 minute drive so I would easily catch the train I needed. Doing it as a real commute it now often takes more like 20 mins due to rush hour traffic/school run. If you haven't done it already I would definitely recommend doing a trial run of your journey at 7.30 to make sure it is going to be what you expect.

slayerette · 10/02/2009 20:31

Actually, LadyBee, I think the 'holier-than-thou' attitude is rather the attitude that it's absolutely fine to have a child that you're going to see for an hour a day.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 10/02/2009 20:33

Thanks Preggers. Did a dry run as part of settling in period at nursery. I'm lucky in that I don't have to change lines and it the jubilee which is ok. When I was pregnant, I used to get the tube at 0730 and it wasn't too bad. So fingers crossed.

preggersplayspop · 10/02/2009 20:35

Oh good, I use the Jubilee line for part of my journey now and I agree its a LOT better. (the lifts will help too!)

BlameItOnTheBogey · 10/02/2009 20:40

Exactly. Not too bad. Wave if you see someone looking tired and struggling with a pushchair....

preggersplayspop · 10/02/2009 20:42

I'll wave as I elbow my way past people standing on the escalator. Won't be any time to chat as I will be late for work (as usual)

spicemonster · 10/02/2009 20:45

I think that unless you're actually in the situation (and I include you in this too blameitonthebogey), you don't know what's going to work, how you're going to cope etc. I had every intention of going back to work full time to the same job, on the same career trajectory, work the same hours, when my baby was born.

But when it came to it, I found that I loathed leaving my baby from the moment he woke up till the moment he slept at nursery 5 days a week. I was stressed at work trying to get out of the door to turn up at 6pm and I hated being the first mother standing outside the gate waiting for it to open.

I have a different job now, less stressful, less cash, less promotion prospects but I'm a lot happier.

You might find that you cope fine. But be prepared to adapt and to have to shift the way you look at the world. Good luck

compo · 10/02/2009 21:03

I really hope it works for you BlameItOnTheBogey
my kids loved nursery from about the age of 1
they went 2 days a week
it was long days and the next day they used to 'catch up' on naps, on food etc
I couldn't imagine putting them in full time so I sacrificed a lot to only go back parttime
I hope my own experience is helpful to someone

callmeovercautious · 10/02/2009 21:11

I don't want to join the debate on Childcare. However from an employment perspective you can apply for flexible working so you could leave early and make up that time in the evenings/weekends. You could for example leave any letter writing/email responses until later. The sit and watch tv with the laptop.

Even 1 hour a night - and you would do the same work far quicker ime - would help you on the childcare front.

Also have a look at Childminders as they are often more flexible with their hours.

giantkatestacks · 10/02/2009 21:14

I didnt mean to sound really arsey either.

I suppose if I am being honest what got my back up was the assumption that for the OP things would be different - that she wouldnt have to make the sacrifices that most of us have made. And yes I realise it will all change when she has her baby.

I think its actually a really contentious post/convo and am a bit with myself for being drawn in.

clemette · 10/02/2009 21:29

Here in Nottingham there are nurseries specifically for those who work shifts so they offer extended hours (and weekends) so it can be done. Nurseries around hospitals might be worth a look.

I hope you are able to find something that suits you. Much of what everyone has said is true - you might change your mind when baby arrives, your work might allow flexible working - but if not remember that there are many, many children who have done long hours in nurseries who are not sociopaths. It might not be ideal, but it is not child abuse!

Probably wouldn't be feasible with two (from someone who has just gone down to 0.8 after second maternity leave).

amidaiwish · 10/02/2009 21:46

actually clemette what you have said about less feasible with two really struck a chord with me.

i didn't find it that big a deal going back to work after DD1 - she was fine in nursery and all was ok.

however after DD2 - i was just more knackered, the chance of one of them or me being ill was pretty high, double childcare fees to pay (i had a 19m age gap) all made it pretty unfeasible. plus a very ill second pregnancy had put my shining career on a bit of a slow-burn tbh. maybe it would have been easier with a bigger age gap but then you get into the school hours/holidays thing. At least nursery is open 51 weeks/year.

but with one, your first, you know it is possible. good luck sassy. give it a go, remember it is a long time yet til you actually have to return to work after maternity leave and the advice i give people is "you're not making a decision forever, just for now. you can change it."

Lilyloo · 10/02/2009 21:50

Agree i went back full time with dc1 part time with dc2 and have just become a sahm with dc3!

You can only do the best for you and your family with the options you have.
Usually end up feeling guilty regardless!!
Good luck!

stealthsquiggle · 10/02/2009 21:55

I note that the poor OP has not stuck her head above the ramparts again.

MN is a friendly supportive place, honestly.

It'll work out, one way or another. Please don't be put off coming back for more advice.

Clary · 10/02/2009 23:41

I actually think this is a pretty supportive thread.

People are offering their experience (and let's face it, we can't do much more than that) and most/many of us have found something has had to give.

10 years ago I had a relatively senior post working 50 hours weeks and in charge of a team of people. I did try to keep it up once I had the children, and by using a cm, DH being more flexible, and working weekends to give me a weekday off, it did work OK.

But in the end I sidestepped and I am glad about it. I hope you find a solution OP but it might not be the one you envisage just now.

It might surprise you by being better tho

FordyBee · 11/02/2009 09:03

I'd like to highlight the general message to OP that everyone wishes her well with whatever she decides, which is what i was trying to say in my post above. This is the first time I've got involved with a post on MN because I identified with the OP's situation, and being told in response that people don't understand why I've bothered to have a child actually really upset me. I don't think you can judge people from a chat forum when you have no idea what their circumstances are. We are all trying to do our best.

spicemonster · 11/02/2009 09:08

Yes I can understand that FordyBee and I'd be upset too if I were you - those posts were unnecessary. I think what I was trying to say (and the majority of posters to be fair) is that many of us felt like you and sazzy when we were on maternity leave but once we returned to work, things changed. I really wanted to make the point that don't think that anything is set in stone and that you might find you don't want to return to the way your life was before you had a baby, that's all.

FordyBee · 11/02/2009 09:28

Thanks spicemonster. We all know that having little ones means life just can't go on as it was before - and don't want it to either, of course priorities have changed. And yes, we do all have to make compromises, but I don't think it's as black and white as some posters are making out (present company excepted, spicemonster - your posts were very helpful I thought). Right, I'm off to have a shower now that I've got DS down for his morning nap. His smiles this morning reminded me that I'm not a horrible mummy, and that I'm not going to jump into a MN conversation again without a lot of caution.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 11/02/2009 09:39

I agree that this has, on the whole, been a supportive thread. My real objection was also to being asked why someone would have a child if they were barely going to see them. Other posters have offered some really thoughtful posts.

spicemonster · 11/02/2009 09:51

There are always people who think it's dreadful for women to work after they've had children but for some reason the same criticism doesn't seem to get directed at men

WOHM is always a contentious area FordyBee - please carry on posting and having the courage of your convictions

MrsJoeMcIntyre · 11/02/2009 10:00

Hi sazza - I always intended to put dd in nursery full time, until she popped out and I changed my mind - thankfully I was in a position to do so. Keep your options open, speak to your employer, and try and enjoy your pregnancy. Would echo what others have said re trying to find a nursery closer to work.

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