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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

nursery closes at 6, not home til 7...

82 replies

sazza1970 · 08/02/2009 14:27

Hi all

I'm a first time mum-to-be, and thinking about childcare already as our financial situation means I'll have to return to work when the baby is six months old. I'm looking into nurseries at the moment, but they all shut at 5.30-6pm, and the very earliest I can be home is 7pm. What happens in this situation? Do any nurseries offer extra care, for an additional fee? Or would I have to find someone else - a childminder, as parents live out of london - to pick up the baby? All feels very daunting, and I really don't know how others cope in this situation. Any advice gratefully received - I live in Crouch End, London, by the way.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

anniemac · 09/02/2009 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LadyBee · 09/02/2009 13:22

Sazza, if you are sure you want your baby to go to a nursery (as opposed to other childcare options), then making an application for flexible working to alter your hours might be the only way forward, done in combination with your DH/DP it can work. Don't feel like you have to be the only one responsible for getting your baby to and from childcare - you are both going to be parents.
If a flexible working arrangement can't be agreed on, then you might have better luck getting extended hours with a childminder, if you find one you like and talk to her about your specific requirements. My childminder cared for a mindee whose mother worked shifts, and offered long nights, overnights, weekend etc. There are options out there.
Personally, I would consider asking for a shift in hours first. If you can finish work at 4:30, do a short lunch hour and make up some time in the evenings it will still allow you to pick up by 6 (even allowing for travel delays), have a cuddle and play, do bath and bed at a reasonable time.

MrsMattie · 09/02/2009 13:27

I think you might have to consider a childminder or negotiate more family friendly hours.

I went back to full time work when my son was 7 mths old, and he went to full time nursery 8am-6pm. I had to drop him off at 8am and then dash across London hoping I wouldn't be late, then my mum and DH had to juggle picking DS up at 6pm. I wouldn't be home until 7-ish and he would be exhausted and grumpy and I would be knackered...It was hideous, to be frank. I felt like I never saw him and it was stressful trying to arrange that 6pm pick up.

stealthsquiggle · 09/02/2009 13:34

Purepurple - "I just compare the full time children who are here all day every day with the children who are part time and the difference is obvious to me" - Hmm, but you are not exactly coming at this from an objective viewpoint, are you? If you met those same children without knowing which were full time and which were part time I bet you couldn't separate them into the two groups.

OP - whilst I would defend to the death your right to work the hours you need to without the sort of emotional blackmail of which there are a few examples in amongst the helpful advice on this thread, TBH I think you need to find out sooner rather than later what your (and your DP's) employers' attitude would be to flexible working of some sort. the "Nursery years" are in a lot of ways the easiest to manage childcare in. If I had still been working FT in the same sort of pattern as I had when he was little by the time DS went to school, then we would have struggled and he would have felt it a lot. As it happens I now have an employer who absolutely supports flexible working, working from home, and part time working. If you don't then whilst you can probably find immediate solutions it would be worth looking at longer term plans that would allow you/your DP/both to be more flexible.

Oblomov · 09/02/2009 13:46

Agree with stealth.
Nursery years are the easiest. I can now say this because ds has just started school.
OP something is going to have to give here. I am not sure what. But something. Because the situation you describe in Op is almost unmanageable. I mean for you. The stress. The tiredness. The travelling. Never seeing your child. Horrendous.
Has OP come back yet ?
Let us know what you manage to arrange.

anniemac · 09/02/2009 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

purepurple · 09/02/2009 15:12

imho it's all about getting a work/life balance
do you want to work to live or live to work?
I know which one I do.

Monkeytrousers · 09/02/2009 15:42

Yes, from expereince I have to agree woth Oblomov in somethings going to have to give. The stress you are talking about putting your family under is enormous.

It may seem an odd question, but what are your instincts telling you? You really need to listen to them before and after the birth. Ignoring them can be quite denagerous for your mental health at any time, but especially after giving birth when they are in overdrive.

Sidge · 09/02/2009 16:08

Crikey those are loooong hours, for you and your baby. I really would recommend having a rethink or negotiating your hours, as you will have the worst of all worlds there.

Mad dashing in the morning, then a tired grumpy baby at the end of the day, when you'll be tired and grumpy too. And bearing in mind that most 6 month-olds don't reliably sleep all night every night you may well be exhausted.

I tell you all this with some experience - I went back to work when DD1 was 4 months, back to full time work (shifts) with a DH away at sea so a comparable situation to yours in terms of stress and hours. It was knackering. I had the worst of DD1 at either end of the day and felt like my life was Groundhog Day.

You say the earliest you can get home is 7 pm so I think that rules out most nurseries and childminders - very few work that late. I think you might need a nanny, or to change your working week if possible.

FeelingLucky · 09/02/2009 16:27

sazza1970 - if you can't afford a full-time nanny, have you thought about a short day at nursery and a part-time nanny to pick up?

SarahandImogen · 09/02/2009 20:50

My husband & I need to leave home by 7.30am & couldn't find a nursery to take DD before 8am. DH struggled for a few months with the morning drop offs until we heard that a few of the nursery nurses would collect & walk home the babies on request. DD now is collected every morning by her nursery nurse at 7.30. She has also walked her home & given DD her tea when DH was away on business as I am unable to get home before 6.30pm at the earliest. Maybe you could ask around at your local nurseries (if they are walking distance) & see whether you could forge a similar arrangement?

amidaiwish · 09/02/2009 20:57

sazza, i haven't read the whole thread so forgive me, but how many days are you working?

i went back to work when DD1 was 8months old and did 3 days 8am-4pm, dh dropped off and i collected. when she was 1 i went to 4 days/week on the same hours - i had a "gradual" return to work enabling me to do 3 days at first which i think you're entitled to ask for.

however i do agree with some of the other posters that a long day at nursery for 4 or 5 days per week can be too long for young children but also for you. Could you work fewer days with longer hours - and on those days get someone to pick up your baby and take them home, give them tea, bath them all ready for you to kiss goodnight?

You may be able to get one of the girls at the nursery to do this, in Twickenham some of the mums at the nursery do have this arrangement and the girls arrange their shifts so they can finish at 4 to do this. Alternatively a nanny share is probably a good option.

good luck. fwiw my DDs both THRIVED at nursery.

Clary · 09/02/2009 21:02

I had a childminder and this was one of the reasons (not the only one tho).

When DC were small I worked till 6pm and was able to be at cm's for 6.15 or so. I had to be v v strict with self wrt leaving on time but I did a 10-hr day so reckoned it was OK.

Anyway.

Agree that 7pm is v late for baby to be being picked up.

If there is really no room for manoevure on hours then it'll have to be nanny or cm but you might find a cm rather costly that late (and of course a nanny is costly anyway, relative to cm for example). Or yes, get DH to share, or find nursery nearer work?

stealth is right, nursery years are easier. Something will have to change by school years. We are lucky that we have a flexible arrangement wrt early starts/early finishes and the converse - is that possible to negotiate?

Lilyloo · 09/02/2009 21:03

I also think you need to look into the very real possibility that a 6 month old may not settle very well to being out of the home / away from you for more than 10 hours.
Likewise how you may feel about that.

Please do try to look into alternative arrangements that is a very very long day for an adult never mind a 6 month old baby.

bodiddly · 09/02/2009 21:18

hi sazza - I changed my hours when I went back to work so I could work 8am until 4pm (and I dont take a lunch break). Dp drops ds off at nursery at 7.30am when they open and we pick him up at 5pm when I get home. They are open until 6.30pm though .. so you may find a compromise in there somewhere!

FordyBee · 10/02/2009 19:30

Hi Sazza

My DS is 3 months old and I am in a similar position to you. It is very easy for people to say "change your working hours" when they don't know your particular position / career path etc - changing your hours might mean career suicide and you might be trying (perhaps in vain!) to do both well.

My working hours are unpredictable, but on average 9 - 7 in the office. I know that this will need to change now, and before I had DS I was convinced I would be able to do a nursery - DH would drop off in the morning while I went into work early (at my desk by 8) and I would leave work at 5.30 every day without fail to pick up from nursery, working from home in the evenings if necessary. But now I have DS I have changed my mind because I realise that unfortunately my work won't allow me to walk out the door at 5.30 every day without fail - demanding clients and all that. Also, DS will be 7 months when I go back to work and as I am going back full time and he will need care from others for a long day, I'd prefer him to be in a more one-to-one type environment. Recent press articles have talked about how under the age of 1 babies need a primary carer in a secure home environment (which need not be the mother). Am sure other people's babies have not had problems in nurseries but perhaps they haven't been in for long days 5 days a week.

Anyway, I have concluded that a nanny is the best option for us, and am currently investigating nanny sharing to try and make this an economically viable option. I found www.simplychildcare.com and www.nannyshare.co.uk useful, as well as babycentre which has some useful articles.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do - unfortunately I am in south london, or we could have been perfect for each other

giantkatestacks · 10/02/2009 19:42

FordyBee - its not that people on here dont appreciate your position - it will surprise you to know that lots of people here have/used to have 'big jobs'.

I think people comment because they dont really understand why if both partners have such big jobs that cant be compromised/altered they decided to have children at this point in time anyway.

IMO is it impossible to 'do both well' if one of those things is neither parent seeing their dcs for more than an hour everyday.

If this sounds really judgemental then so be it.

[sits on hands]

slayerette · 10/02/2009 19:53

I have to say I agree with giantkatestacks. OP - why have you chosen to have a baby at this point in time when it seems that neither you or your partner is ever going to see it? I gave up work after nine months back because I was spending barely any time with my DS and that was despite having gone back part time. The length of time you are suggesting putting your child into nursery for seems horrendous.

FeelingLucky · 10/02/2009 19:56

Please stop giving Sazza a hard time.
I agree with FordyBee.

rubyslippers · 10/02/2009 19:58

I think the best thing to do is ask your current employer for flexi time and get your DH to do the same and take it from there

missmapp · 10/02/2009 20:00

Gosh, you ask for advice on handling child care and what do you get!

We do what many other posters do and swap who does the drop off/pick up between us to make lives easier. It is my morning that is the problem as before children Id be i work at 7.30, and nursery doesnt open til 8. I was really worried but actually find that, apart from the stressful drive to work after drop off, when i get there I actually work more efficently and get as much done in the shorter time IYSWIM, give yourself a trial period and see what happens, you can always change if it doesnt work.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 10/02/2009 20:13

OP - nobody on here knows your situation. And you can be sure that if you don't have to work these hours, you will soon change them after your baby arrives.

My DS is now 8 months old and I go back to work next week. I will be working the same sort of hours as you. This is not by choice, this is the reality of my situation. My solution has been to find a nursery near my work. I will commute in with DS (yes, on the tube) at 0730 and will pick him up at the end of the day and travel home. Yes it's a long day but I can't find any other solution - and if I could, I'd have done that.

Nobody has the right to question why you are having a baby if you 'won't see it at all' during the week. Until you have walked in someone else's shoes and all that....
Good luck.

compo · 10/02/2009 20:17

BlameItOnTheBogey - are you going back fulltime? have you tried out the journey with your baby yet?

BlameItOnTheBogey · 10/02/2009 20:24

Yes and yes. Trying the journey was not much fun but my plan is to travel before the main rush hour and so avoid the worst of it.

Lilyloo · 10/02/2009 20:24

I agree but i think you do have some choice in the 'path you take' Blameit.
Can you get smaller house , move area , smaller car, step off the career ladder etc etc.

I fail to see how seeing your child for an hour a day 5 days a week is striking a balance at both job and parenting imo!

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