Just recieved a call from ds new nursery which has reallly upset me

[Knakard]

Bit of background, ds is 12 months and has just started a new nusery this week he goes 2 days.

He has been going to nusery for about 3 months in a lovely little local one which we put him in as an interim thing as hte waiting list for the one we really wanted was massive.

He has always got on well at nursery and settled in really quickly, the only issue there has ever been is that he does bite from time to time when he is teething. He used to do it at home occasionally and we always said no and ignore him for a moment or two and he got alot better and hasnt bitten at home for a good few months.

They also got the hang at his nursery of knowing when he was about to bite and saying no which stopped him. Now we told the new urery all of this before he started and they were quite relaxed about it and said yeah we get biters all the time etc. quite normal at that age.

When i picked him up after his 2nd day yesterday the staff told me they had had a problem with him biting and that he had done it a few times, they said it was good that he understood no and that he always stopped if they managed to catch him before he did it. talked to they about how we managed it at home and said he hadnt done it for a long time maybe he was a little over whelmed with a new nursery with lots more in his group and he is the youngest by about 2/3months so maybe it was all a bit much. They agree with all of this and said they would just keep a closer eye on him.

Anyway this morning i have had a call from his key worker very upset. She said the little girl he bit (they never told us yesterday it was a child)s mother was fuming! She was on the phone to this woman at home all evening with the woman just going nuts, saying things like "well my children are brought up to share" and "we dont need children like that a this nursery" (quite well to do area). She has basically said she will not have her child in at the same time as my little boy. The Nurse said she explained to her this put everyone in a very difficult postition and said she tried to explain to this woman she was going a little OTT.

So i am going in for a chat with keyworker on Monday but what do i do? A child of 12 months dosent bite maliciously FFS! And this silly womans specific comments have really bloody riled me! i Can understand her being upset but what does she expect us to do!!!

Thanks for reading

Basically the owner has said they deal with biters alot they even has a biting policicy?!?

She said she has never ever had a parent react like this before which is why she is at such a loss over what to do she recogonises this woman is mental!

The nursery owner is being so unprofessional still! I can't imagine calling a parent in for a meeting because their 12 month old bit another child!!

but why is she telling you all this?? manager sounds totally unprofessional. why on earth is she scared of ofsted getting involved over this? sorry but I would not be happy.

OMG How can they Exclude a 12 month old for biting!!! Thats like excluding him for napping during the day! Both completely normal things for a toddler to be doing.

I agree with everyone else, YOU suggest calling OFSTED yourself, If the waiting list is as long as they say it is, I don't understand why they are running rings around this lunatic to keep her happy, she sounds like a PITA and I would have thought the nursery staff would be glad to see the back of her!!!!

Exactly - the other mother's OTT reaction is really not your business or your problem. It's a breach of confidentiality imo for the owner to be repeating conversations she has with other parents.

The nursery should be talking to you about how they deal with your son's biting and nothing more. You don't need to know anything about the child he bit or her parents, and they don't need to know anything about you.

2 of my children have been bitten at nursery. The nursery policy is that they inform both the parents of the biter and the bitee, but never disclose names. Although when it happened I was upset (dd had teeth marks on her nose), I was probably a bit mor upset that no one had been able to interven in time. I realise now that this is not always plausible, that it can be very spur of the moment. At no time did I feel vitriol towards the parents of the other child.

HTH

possible not plausible

Argh I'm so angry reading about what happened today, I can't believe how unprofessional the nursery manager is being!

Ask to see the biting policy, and ask if they've shown the other mum. Seriously, I would be fuming about this!

I think you handled it really well! the nursery owner is completely overreacting in the face of mad-hysterical-mum, IME! if OFSTED shut down every nursery where a small child bit another there would be a sad dearth of nurseries!

Also agree with JODIE- they would be far better if this woman left, as you can bet your life this will NOT be the one and only thing she will ever find fault with. If she is "devastated" by a bite from a 12 mth old, how on earth will she handle it when her child falls over and bumps her head, or is hit over the napper with a toy train? If I was the nursery owner, I would be standing firm in the face of this nutjob, as she is setting a precedent that is going to be the bane of her life.

You and your ds have done nothing wrong- I can't believe she would ask you to change sessions to placate this parent- very unprofessional of her, IMO.

I am sorry but I cannot agree with your comment

" Im loathed to move him as with this exception it is a bloody wonderful nursery. "

I am at a loss as to how this nursery can be wonderful when the manager cannot deal with a very simple (though upsetting for parents!) common problem/occurence.

As all the previous posts are testiment - this is a daily event in childcare settings though not pleasant.
If the manager is so unprofessional in dealing with such a straight forward issue, I would have no confidence in leaving my child there, what if there was a real emergency situation ?

Ok, I can understand why a parent would be a bit upset at their child being bitten, but ffs, by a 1 year old.

The other childs mother is being ridiculous and completely ott.

Tell the nursery manager she's being unprofessional and that to 'exclude' a 12 month old baby is beyond stupid. Encourage her to take it up with ofsted, they'd probably have a good laugh at how silly it all is!

When my DS was 2 he came home from nursery and announced 'No biting, biting is naughty' quite out of the blue, so the next day I quietly asked his keyworker if he had been biting. They informed me politely that 'another child' was going through a biting phase and DS was presumably repeating what he'd heard, assured me that they would let me know if DS either bit or was bitten but that lots of DC do it, and that was the end of the matter. DS did later have a brief bitey phase but it was only me he bit.
DOn't you have any contact with the other woman, she's a loon. Agree with the posters who said, ring Ofsted yourself: lots of babies and toddlers bite and it's no big deal (for one thing, very few toddlers have big enough, sharp enough teeth to do more than superficial damage, they're infants, not sharks.)

Your consolation is that this woman is going to have a really long long life as a parent if she goes of the deep in such a fashion about everything.
She sounds like the reason I admire and respect all early years/childminders/nannies etc and teachers. Imagine the personalities they must have to juggle and jiggle - and thats before trying to look after their children. Tedious woman.

Assault? Assault??!?!

FFS

You have handled this well. Other mother is lunatic. Why the farking hell are nursery asking you to help sort out their issue with another parent?

What a cheek to ask you to change your days! It must put a bit of a strain on your relationship with the nursery, which is such a shame as you've done absolutely nothing wrong.

As an aside, I bet you work out who the other mother is within a few weeks.

Could the nursery suggest the lady come on mumsnet and start an AIBU post......

The other woman is clearly deranged and the nursery are out of their depth in handling it. Which is fair enough as most people are not in fact deranged!

I hope this all gets sorted out for you soon.

Sounds like this other woman is bullying the nursery owner into doing behaving this way - threatening her with calls to OFSTED etc- she sounds a horribly manipulative woman.

If you really do rate this nursery, and I can see why if your DS loves it so much, stand your ground. If this woman is unhappy that her PFB is mixing with your DS then she has the problem, and she can make alternative arrangements. Just remember that you and your DS have done nothing wrong.

I'd love to be around when this poor child has her first proper full-on tantrum. Her mother will probably blame someone else for it

If she moves her dd up early then she will be in for a shock. Older children are a lot more capable of causing damage.

Have been lurking on this thread as the parent of a child who was both bitten at nursery (and who also bit on one occasion too). I just want to echo what everyone else is saying - this mother is being completely OTT. It's her problem - not yours or the nursery's and therefore SHE has to sort it out by removing her precious child and wrapping her in cotton wool instantly one presumes .

Absolutely no way should your DS be excluded - if that happens - whatever the nice environment of the nursery it would be worth moving your DS instantly.

Would your DH ring this barking mad woman and tell her to get a grip?

Thanks for all the responces nice to have it confirmed that i am sooooo in the right here!
Nursery didnt call back last night so will see if they call by midday if not ill call her. I do feel sorry for this woman as parent hood is going to be a bloody hard slog if she maintains this level of nobbishness!
Maybe a stint on mumsnet would do her some good!

Print out this thread and sneak it into her kid's bag - either that or get her to post on the AIBU section - we'll sort her out

Knakard, your nursery sounds really familiar, it's not in Herts is it?