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Parental choice vs sexual equality eployment law

31 replies

saggymoo · 06/11/2008 21:48

i placed my 18 month son in a nursery 1 day a week a month ago, after assessing it thoroughly. I had the usually anxieties about leaving him in the care of those whom i did not know, but was fully assured by the nursery of all the carers qualifications, expertise, and checks, and with the knowledge that my son would never be alone with any one member of staff. The place seemed friendly, clean, the children happy, if not a bit clinical and corporate. I was definately seduced by the manageress, who was a great sales woman, assuring me constantly that my worries were healthy, and if i ever had any fears whatsoever, to talk with them immediatley, so they could be addressed.I was given a very impressive looking file with mission statements, core objectives etc etc, and that was it, i was sold! My son started after a short trial session, and seemed to settle in well. The first day i picked him up, we took home his day book, and his first painting done at nursery, i watched him eating his dinner through the window, sat at the table feeding himself, and felt a great sense of pride, at him and myself for letting go enough, to enable him to have playtime with other children, without his mummy being there. However, one day i went to collect him, and he wasnt in the room, my heart sank, i felt an instant sense of fear, as i span round i saw him coming out of another room, holding a male carers hand. He had had his nappy changed , i was told. I cautiously asked where, and who by, to discover that all the nonsense about the children never being left alone with only 1 member of staff, was infact true, except for nappy change time. I addressed this with the management, who have now officially informed me that my request is unlawful, and the male member of staff could sue them for sexual discrimination if they were to fulfill my request that my sons nappy was only changed by a female member of staff. So what about my rights as a parent? do i not have the option of who handles my childs personal care? i have been told by the nursery that my views are extreme. Who cares if someone else sees them as extreme, they are my views about my son, in a nursery that i am paying for. If he were being seen by a doctor, could i not request a chaperone be in attendance, if he were to be alone with him? I have called ACAS today, and checked that employment law does protect the male carer, from being discriminated in this way by my request, does anyone or any law protect my views and wishes as the childs mother? My husband works from home, so my son has plenty of male interaction, i feel completely comfortable in my view on this matter, however i want only the best for my son, and have now removed him from the nursery with the decision now whether to place my son in a carefully selected nursery, with no male carers (so that this situation does not arise again) or to give up on the notion that my child will ever be cared for the way i wish, by anyone other than me?Has anyone else found themselves in this situation, or does anyone know what my rights are in this matter?

OP posts:
guyFAwkesreQuiem · 06/11/2008 21:50

Why don't you want him left alone with a male carer?

morningpaper · 06/11/2008 21:52

This is very very sad

You are VERY unreasonable

I really think you should find yourself another carer for your son

I feel for the poor young man working at the nursery

llareggub · 06/11/2008 21:52

It is a difficult one, and to be honest I am struggling, although I am trying, to understand your perspective on this.

I think you are being a little extreme with this, and wonder what is prompting this. Are you sure you are completely sold on the idea of having a nursery care for your child? What if you carefully selected another nursery only to find they'd employed a chap? Will you keep moving him?

PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena · 06/11/2008 21:52

Sorry but what's the problem with a male carer? I can't see one myself. They have the same checks as females and are equally as qualified.

Alarm bells are ringing with this thread and they are very loud!

PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena · 06/11/2008 21:54

First time I have ever said this and it saddens me to do so but TROLL?

No other threads by op by the way.

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 06/11/2008 21:59

well if they need childcare, and don't want their child left alone I guess that rules out childminders

llareggub · 06/11/2008 21:59

Journo carrying out lazy research maybe?

Sadly however there are lots of people who feel like the OP. I feel sorry for any male who fancies a career in childcare, frankly. Personally, I would be pleased to see a male working in a nursery, boys need role models and it will help eradicate the "childcare is womens work" crap.

PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena · 06/11/2008 22:00

Don't feed the troll!

saggymoo · 06/11/2008 22:10

as i said in my thread, i am completely comfortable with my views on this matter, i have no issues with a male carer , however i do have issues with my sons personal care being done, shut away in a room with a man on his own. Im not suggesting he would abuse my son, but hey, why take the risk when there are 10 more women there capable of doing his nappy change. I really dont see why people are getting so upset by my request. If i had a RELIGIOUS or DIETARY request for my son, it would be honoured without discourse.
ps i dont usually read these links, and dont understand abreviations like TROLL, sorry, im sure its not nice though!

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 06/11/2008 22:12

How odd. The male member of staff was a big selling point for me when it came to choosing my son's nursery.

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 06/11/2008 22:13

what's stopping a woman abuse him???

IorekByrnison · 06/11/2008 22:13

OP you don't sound even slightly real. What are you hoping to achieve with this post?

saggymoo · 06/11/2008 22:13

im flattered you think im a journo, my english teacher would have been amazed!

OP posts:
KatyMac · 06/11/2008 22:16

Poor boy - would you refuse medical treatment carried out by a male nurse or doctor?

Any nursery refusing to employ a man would be sued. Most nursery managers/owners jump for joy if a man applies (as long as he is qualified/experienced etc)

iwouldgoouttonight · 06/11/2008 22:16

If the OP is real it has made me really sad. DS has two male carers at his nursery and they are lovely (as are the female carers too). Why on earth wouldn't you trust a qualified carer to change your child's nappy on their own, male or female? What do you think will happen?

Littlefish · 06/11/2008 22:20

I think you need to consider a change in childcare for your ds.

I think the only "safe" situation would be a nanny for him. Actually, you would probably need two nannies so that he was never left alone with one person.

Your bigoty is quite breathtaking.

saggymoo · 06/11/2008 22:25

omg! im off, you are sad sad sad, sitting at your computers all night, i was only trying to find out MY RIGHTS not your silly opinions. IF you dont have daddies to give your children male influences, then have your male carers. Enjoy you club for the hopeless.....x (smile)

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 06/11/2008 22:25

My DS has a male carer at the nursery he goes to

your OP is so sad - it wouldn't have crossed my mind to withdraw my DS because of it

what a sad state of affairs = you have removed your son because of groundless fears

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 06/11/2008 22:26

no children need male role models more than just their daddy's

RubySlippers · 06/11/2008 22:27

you are quite mad BTW

i hope your son doesn't want to be a nursery nurse

zeee · 06/11/2008 22:27

If you're complaint was that you don't ever want your son to be alone with a carer, then that might be more reasonable. I think if you choose a nursery, you have to accept that your child will, on occasion, be alone with a carer - nappy change, taking them to the toilet etc. Was the door left open?

KatyMac · 06/11/2008 22:28

You don't have any rights

You can't say who serves you in a shop, who looks after you in hospital or which nursery worker cares for your child

You don't want this 'man' - how is that different to not wanting someone because they are 'black'

Discrimination at best - bigotry? more realistic

RubySlippers · 06/11/2008 22:28

zeee - don't try to reason with a stroppy troll ...

Littlefish · 06/11/2008 22:28

If you want to find out about your rights, speak to a lawyer.

Mumsnet is a forum for sharing opinions. If you don't want to hear ours, then I suggest you find a different forum where everyone will agree with your bigotted and outdated views.

PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena · 06/11/2008 22:31
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